Perhaps it is best that I don't know

Ever felt like its better if you have not known something? Be it indirectly, directly, straight at your face or whatever. I am sure we must have felt it for at least once in our lives and yes, that includes me as well. Its not that I want to know but I can't help it because I get it. So, what can I do? Just pretend like nothing has ever happened or just simply react to it? I will choose to react then. I hate to wait and watch. I am more of a doer but I have some principles that I have to follow as well. Sometimes, rules come first(my rules at least). Maybe being a doer isn't that good after all. I don't know, really. Its hard when there are many things going around at once. I have all sorts of things to think of and all I want is somewhere in which I hope I can release all of them out but I just realized that I can't simply choose a place. Although that place might be comfy and nice, I must always be prepared for the worst. I should have known it better or at least, try to control my wants but I guess, I am human too. So, I slipped as well. Being afraid that I might starve or not find a shelter in that place that I want to be, I choose to move out from that place. I have always been like that - moving around from one place to another and not even having a sense of where I am heading to. Just because every place seems to be unique and special in its own way, I tend to stop in every place that I found and now, I regret for not being able to have a sense of direction and knowing where I really want to go. After all, how would I know if that place suits me if I did not try to stay in it for a while?

Cliche?

When something upsets you
You find another thing that makes you happy
When someone you hate comes right at your face
You turn around and pretend that you never see that person
When you feel like everything is not going the way it should be
You should fix it and not procrasinate
When you want to achieve something
You should work for it and believe that you can do it
When you are all alone and feeling hopeless
You should make yourself happy and hang out with your close ones
When you are reading this
You might feel like this is just like any other ordinary post
I have to admit there is nothing special in this post
This is because I feel the same way too but..
When I am writing this post of mine
I notice that I have been missing a lot as I am afraid of trying
Well, I will need time to improve as a person
I believe that I will
=D

Hormones, i guess

Ever felt like you are liking someone and thinking of that person everytime? But then, this feeling doesn't last long. Funny huh? I must admit I have felt like that for many times already and I have been wondering if it's just the act of my hormones just like one of my dear friend, zera have said. I think she had this feeling too and she introduced me to this 'hormone' term..hahaha..or perhaps, everyone has this sort of feeling in life regardless of gender. Feeling pathetic for not being able to find the true one is normal. All of us must have had that feeling. Even if I have tried to get along with someone, I can feel that there would be a line in between us. At that time, if the feeling is not right, then I will know that this person is not the one. Until today, eventhough I might have this feeling, I am still searching for the true one and hopefully, he will find me too someday. =D

New hair

Hmm...I just got my hair dyed a few days ago. It was a random thing, I would say. I didn't expect it to happen or what so ever. It was a normal Sunday and I followed my mum to the salon. I wanted to curl my hair but the barber said that my hair was too short. So, I have decided to dye my hair instead since I got to wait for my mum to get her hair done which would take an hour or more. I was a little excited because I have never done anything to my hair except for cutting and washing. I was afraid that I would look ugly with my hair coloured. Being a paranoid, I chose the darkest brown ever when the barber gave me the book containing different colours of dye. During the process of getting my hair coloured, I felt a little uncomfortable because I could feel the chemical on my hair doing its thing. It was itchy and my mum assured me that it was normal to feel that way. She said that it was as if ants were on my head biting my skin. She was right. When my hair was done, I couldn't see anything extraordinary. It was just like my usual hair. After getting my hair washed, I could see a little difference. I am glad to have experienced it but for now, I hope it would not get me into trouble. XD

Back at home

Well, here I am again, back at home during the weekends after 5 days studying in uniten. I have to admit that I really miss being at home although I have the opportunity to be at home every week. I pity my sis and also, my friends who have to stay in their college during the weekends as they are staying far away. So, I am really grateful to be here writing this post. Since I might not have the chance to be home in years to come, I thought that its better for me to spend more time at home while I still can. Eventhough my friends would tease me about going home every weekend, I will still appreciate that I can still go back and spend more time in my very own sweet home. I like my home, really. This is where I grew up, shed the most tears over the pettiest things and memorable issues, played with my sis and bro, argued with my dad, mum, sis and bro, watched TV and also, cooked for the very first time in my life. This place shrinks as time passes. When I was younger, everything was big and huge but as for now, I find this place much smaller and its condition has improved so much compared to that when I was young. Thanks to those who have helped us!(I bet you know who you are if you would ever read this post of mine in a time still to come). We definitely owed you all a big one. I must admit I did not like it when there are visitors coming over. The main reason is because I felt that my home is unlike any other ordinary home that you have seen and thought of. I was ashamed and maybe until now, still am of it. That is probably the reason why I did not want to organize any parties or what so ever even if I really want to deep inside within me. It is not the fact that I do not want to but I am paranoid thinking that everyone else would change their thoughts of who I am or maybe I just have high expectations. Truthfully, I envy those who have a proper home. I really do. If you have a nice cozy home, you better be grateful of it. I like my home too regardless of my thoughts of it throughout my whole life. That is why I have promised myself that I would have a nice, proper and presentable home in the future. I want to be proud and happy being able to live in it. It was and still a wish and hope that I have when I was little until today. This is probably one of the most longed for wishes and hopes that I have. I really want to live this dream of mine and I hope it comes true. =D

Balloon

I thought of an interesting anology when I was annoyed, amazingly. Any kind of relationship that we have with our family members, friends, and love ones is similar to having both of our hands holding on a balloon.

If we don't hold it tight enough, it will fly away. If we don't catch it when its flying away, the distance between us and the balloon will be further as time passes. However, if we hold it too tight, we will feel some pressure and so will the balloon. If we keep on pushing it although its already compact and full, it will eventually burst. This is what happens when someone keeps on being pushy and not letting things go loose. Sometimes, its not only about your hands but think of the balloon as well. One good thing is that we can always blow another balloon and hold it again. So, nothing is ever too late.

Hope you enjoy this anology of mine. =D

Worth or worthless?

This week was a lazy one as the new semester just started. Everything was ok and all. Then, we(some of the sime darbians) remembered that there are birthdays coming up and we thought of celebrating it with the whole lot of us. Ok, initially was ok and it got a little complicated and all. I am just so glad everything went well so far. There will be a lot of things going around tommorow. I hope it will all go fine and smoothly. I really cracked my head for all this. To get it planned was tough. Putting through all types of 'hurdles', I would say. For short, I am damn tired. Lets just hope for the best!

Responsibility

Responsibility. I guess everyone of us will know what it means but then not all of us define it as it should be. Honestly, my definition of it is very simple and I stick to it. Its just frustrating to know that people around you are not serious in taking their own responsibilities. Maybe I expect to much from those around me but don't they get it? I mean its just a very simple word. Just stick to it. What is so wrong with it? At times, I am so fed up of sticking to my own beliefs and thinking that they will think the same too or at least, have the conscience of what is right and wrong. I guess they are just least bothered and feelingless. I have nothing to comment already. Whatever happens, happens. I can't be bothered much too. I will stick to mine as long as I think is right.