Silly Me Again

I have become the clumsy girl at home for my records of troublesome events and now, I made it even clearer for that title. It was a happy day for some and a busy day for some. For me, it was a day when shit just happened. Lost my wallet unknowingly until I found out the next day. Too bad, too late, some things can't be saved. Lost some belongings and lost the mood for the day because it happened in the morning. It was my first time making a call on the highway while shivering all the way through. I was panicking while speaking on the phone with the bank operator and broke down while speaking to my family. I didn't feel like talking about it even until now. :/

Not having anyone else with me when it happened taught me to keep myself calm. I was only trying to make it through the day on my own. I drove to the side to stop and calm down. Being an emotional person, I cried many times. Even when I was speaking to the police, I think I started panicking again. God save me from this mess.. The biggest lesson in this incident was to be more careful. 

Thanks to those who were concerned. I wasn't in the right mind to thank you all but I really do appreciate it. It was a long day. :/

Patience tested

I was doing the usual thing in the clinic today. Talking to patients and trying to get a history out of it. Then presenting it to the doctors. Sometimes becoming a translator. Yup, everyone assumes a chinese to know chinese. So yea,  I was there to translate sometimes but people who have known me would have figured that there is a limit to my chinese language. I can try cantonese, hokkien and mandarin but I am gonna admit that it is a struggle to speak my own mother tongue. So, I do get help from my friends who can do better than me.

There was this elderly lady who came for follow-up alone. I pitied her really. I appeared to be the only one who could communicate with her so yea I was there translating actually. She took quite some time in the clinic just because nobody knew what was happening. Didn't know what her financial status was or whether she has gotten the treatment. Her kids were all working and busy I guess. She gave us a notebook and her phone. To my dismay, it was all in chinese characters. Got a friend to help search the numbers and finally called her son-in-law. The peak of my patience was when I spoke to him and the only question he was interested to ask was, "Do I have to pay?" Obviously isn't it? And worst of all, he kept saying that they are not staying with her and she is not my mother. I was like.. what on earth did the old lady do to you? Isn't she your family? No words came out to express those thoughts in my head though.

I told him off but was also trying not to be offensive. This is a situation that I can't avoid being offensive but I am really trying here to make things sound reasonable. Explaining that this poor mother-in-law of yours needs medication and she doesn't know who's paying for it but she has gotten her welfare approval for her medication. Could you all kindly come accompany her here next time? After all she's old and illiterate, and most important of all, she's suffering from pain because no medication was given to her.

I was furious really. At the same time, I was amazed with my cantonese. Struggling to search up words in my limited vocabulary of chinese but I managed to speak somehow. Thank God. I hope I helped her for today at least.

Lesson was to accompany your parents to the clinic. What harm would it make to take a day off to accompany your parents? From then on, I made a deal with myself to accompany my mother and father to see the doctor or at least have my siblings there with them.

About Warm Bodies

A picture which was taken randomly by Madhaavi when I busy searching for the lab results for my case. She was bored waiting for me already.

Nope. I'm not talking about any medical stuff in this post although I can somehow relate to something medically related. It's about a movie called Warm Bodies, which I watched recently. It's about a zombie who fell in love with a girl and ate her boyfriend's brains. It was kinda expected that they would have ended up being together but that would also mean that she fell in love with her boyfriend's murderer. Lol.

It turns out that the zombies became more human and were cured when they could start to feel and dream. (corpse can't feel or dream) Interesting much. I kinda like the idea of the zombies craving for human brains because it's the closest thing that they could feel like a human again. They could re-experience the memories of that person. These zombies had no trace of their own memories since they were infected so they sort of like the idea of having feelings I guess.

Sometimes in life, it's better off being emotionless like zombies so we don't feel pain and sadness. But when we lose it, we start to appreciate the existence of it. Apart from the negative feelings, we will still have the brighter side of emotions which we all like to have.

Looking at sick patients in wards everyday and recently knowing that one of my course mates was diagnosed with a disease that's unimaginable, made me realise that we are all still humans and that we all stand a chance in developing a disease out of nowhere at anytime. Appreciate what we have today perhaps regardless of good or bad experiences we are facing today. :)

Pat's Cooking

I have been cooking this few days. Attempted to prepare mee soup with rice cooker. Ever since, every meal I make has always been solely on rice cooker. Lol. So, here goes my second chapter of Pat's Cooking. :P

The anchovies my mum bought for me. Hehe..

My third attempt of making sui tan. Okay I guess..lol

Trying out the anchovies with rice. Nice.:)

Pat's Mee Soup. XD

Pat's Mantou. XD

Yummy!

The messy pot.

Ta-daa!

Again, I would be happy to get advice and if possible recipes too! *A hint to Ling* ;)

Who's cooking? :P

Yay! It's finally Raya so that means holidays for me! And guess what? I have been trying to cook for the past few days in my college and it's for real. That was my first time making a meal. (excluding the times I helped my mum and Ling out) And yes, it is as shown in the picture above. Rice and the-supposed-sui-tan. (steamed egg) The rice was a bit wet. Too much water I guess. As for the egg..ermm.. I didn't know I was supposed to add water so yea, it didn't turned out to be as smooth as it should have been. Lol. Oh well..better try next time then. Ate it all up with a tin of Ayam Brands sardin in olive oil, whatever that's called. Hahaha... basically wraps up what I did for my first cooking.

Then, I decided to make up for my failed attempt. So, here goes nothing. My second attempt was still not so good. :P

 The rice was too wet. Too much of water again. 

 Decided to try making omelette this time. Turned up to be tasteless. 

 The back-up dish to compensate for the tasteless dinner. Not forgetting the soy sauce and pepper. Lol.

Finally, nothing was left in the end. *burps* 

More attempts to come and I believe there's always room for improvement. If there's anyone who is willing to take me for cooking lessons, I would be happy to have you to teach me. ;) 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Even though I am feeling the pinch of clinical years now, I still think it's nice to take a break once in awhile. Medical students have no life. Hmm.. yea kinda true actually. Lol. Oh well, things are much more different now. Everything you do in the hospital appears to be knowledge and will be tested. Case write up is a headache. All I do is sit and type and of course refer to books for references. Finally, got into my nerd self after so long. Ward round is like a nightmare for us. It is like being interrogated in front of the whole team consisting of the most knowledgeable people around, the professors to the least prominent people around, the medical students. Sometimes, we don't get interrogated so it's luck really.

Just did my long case assessment and it wasn't as pretty as I wished it would have been. Lol. Knowing who was going to assess me, I have already predicted the worst that could happen. I knew it was just the matter of how hard it will really hit me and how long can I hold back my tears. So yea, it hit me really hard and the worst just happened. I broke into tears. >.<

It was unintentional. Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe I am a crybaby. Maybe I was just weak. And whatever you wanna call it, that was only so much I can take. I know this is not the worst of the worst encounters I will ever face. I know I should have been stronger than this for the worst is yet to come. I just hope that I will be prepared.

After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stonger. :)

The Little Things

We have always lived our lives with expectations whether it's with our own expectation on ourselves or with others' expectations on you yourself. With all these expectations, things could get really tough especially when you don't live up to it. Hahaha.. But the point is, are these expectations the things we hope for ourselves? Twisted but think about it. ;)

We get so caught up with these expectations sometimes and we forget about the little things around us. Those little things around you would have probably mean your family and friends. Yea, they seem too little and unimportant for a moment when you had to deal with your own problems in life which seem a lot bigger than anything else. Yea, I know how it feels like.

I'm just saying that probably we should start looking for what we really want in our lives before it's too late. I wouldn't say I have done enough to appreciate those little things or found what I really like to do. Sometimes, it takes one to learn it the hard way. I probably haven't seen the big picture and when I do, it's probably the turning point in my life.

And now this post took away on a serious note. Lol. Life is short. There's a Chinese version of saying this, just translate this, "In our lives, how many decades do we have?" Yes directly translate it. I would have translated it to Cantonese because I got this from a TVB series and my mum kept saying it. Anyhow, it means the same in any language.

And here goes nothing..

After a few minutes trying to accept what just happened, I think I will take it as it is. Now, I have only myself to blame for this. I hate my kidneys now. Lol. And the worst thing that could happen just happened to me. No more holidays for me. Gonna work harder. :)

Agree?

"The best way to achieve nothing is to try and do everything."

Do you agree with this statement?

For me though, it's not all that true. Some may argue that we should be focus and passionate in the things we do instead of trying to concentrate on everything at once. However, what if we do not know what we want? Don't we have to try everything to know what we like? Some lucky ones got to know their likings earlier than others even though they have not tried everything else that the world has to offer. Then, what would happened to the rest who are yet to know what they like and passionate about? I am a person who certainly contradicts with the statement..Not that I am discouraging others from being focused but the statement could have possibly meant "stop trying and focus." One question I had in mind is "How are we to focus when everything seems to be the same?" Don't we have to try to know what suits us and more importantly, what we like. Haha..I guess this really depends on individual then.

Fresh start all over

On the 1st of August, something terrible had taken place and yes, it did involved me in a way. At around 3am in Ann Arbor or 3pm in Malaysia, my friends' house and also, previously owned by my seniors was caught on fire and the ironic thing is that it happened even before they were in the States. It involves me because I was their friend and also, my things were placed in their house temporarily while I went back for my summer break. Now, nothing can be salvaged and no good news about it were told. Hopes were just all we can wish for and there is practically nothing much for us to do but trying to fix it. I was shocked but truth to be told, I wasn't worried at all until these few days. Thinking that I have to go through all the packing and re-buying those things that I have. Trying to get help and call the insurance company to get a 10% coverage but I was told that it was cancelled. Adding to the initial shock, I was also feeling stupid that I didn't take notice of the cancellation of insurance until I called and then, I tried to search for all the documents that I have in my bag and found out that yes, indeed it was cancelled. Even if I had to learn it in the hard way which is to experience it myself, I was thinking that when would be the best time for it to occur if it's not for now. Not that I wished for it to occur but I was glad that it did not happened when I was there and only the clothes, household things, shoes and winter jackets were placed there. Lucky enough, I brought all my documents and electronic devices(well, except for the rice cooker). In a way, I kind of take it as a huge lesson and be more cautious. Rather than grieving over for the loss, I take it as an opportunity for a fresh start. To get stuffs that I only need and not all the other nonsense that I have used to own. It is frustrating to start the new semester in this way, honestly. All I can hope is that this is the worst that I will ever experienced again even though anything else much more worse would take place in the future. Who knows? Life is so unpredictable..

My bad?

I felt like I was creating enemies for the second time and it wasn't very long ago. The first time was in high school and it was due to a childish act of mine and it ended up in a teary situation. Girls, gossips, backstabbers, friendships and heartaches..It was sort of a drama. I was the cause, of course. Until now, my relationship with this particular friend is just in the 'ok' terms. We don't have much things to say to one another after that incident but she was close to my sister at least. My sister was on her side in that incident. One thing that my sister said that had stuck on my head ever since was "I rather be the one who was used by others than being the one who was guilty for hurting others." I did not agree with her immediately but every time when I did face these kind of circumstances, I would consider this piece of advice. Influential huh? I have to admit that she was.

Not that I completely agree with her but as time passed, I did feel a whole better when I have followed it. There wasn't much of a grudge held and as much as I might feel like I was being used at times, I have to agree that not all things can be counted in life. Well, I might have been maybe a little too cautious when I felt like I am nearing the limitation point. When I have reached my breaking point, I would end up being the one without sense and that being said, I would be the irrational, emotional, stubborn and worst of all, the idiotic one. A lot of people who are close to me might have noticed this part of me and most of them who have not would be kind of surprise to see it. I know that this part of me is the part where no one likes to see but it only occurs when I get really frustrated..when I have gained my conscious, then I would judge myself for what has happened and if I did anything offensive or stupid. Most of the time, I blame myself for it because I have lost control in myself.

The second time was like a month or two ago. The second time was a real hit to my face because it was like "two in one" for me. "Two in one" meaning that two friends at the same time. I did felt like I am creating enemies for the second time and it was as guilty as the one that I had for the very first time. I don't want to blame it on anyone but I guess they just happened to occur due to the wrong timing. One after another is just enough to make me feel so bad. Clearing things up might be a solution, for me at least but I guess it's not the only way to do it and maybe it only works for me. :(

Anyhow, I am moving on and going on with the flow. No reason to think of it and destroy myself with being pessimistic. I am holding no grudge here, just to be sure. haha! I am thinking ahead now and not going to dwell in the past. ;)

Random thought : The picture above reminded me of this peribahasa, "Hilang kabus, teduh hujan" which means "Telah mendapat kesenangan sesudah menderita kesusahan."

Master Oogway's Wisdom

Kung Fu Panda's story line might be predictable but it surely had impressed me. Thank you, Master Oogway. You might have heard of his advice before but he had surely convinced me. Well, at least, it is worth to be heard again and again to get some motivation. And now, I want to share it here. :)

Don't be scared to start all over again

Just a few days ago, I had trouble making my essay longer. In order to meet the length of a 6 page essay, I have neglected about the true essence of writing. My thoughts and ideas were not organized at all. At one point, I really thought that I have lost it all. I thought writing was not my thing after all. It is not like writing was something that I was good at but I write to encourage myself to express in another way and also, to improve my writing. Because I was so scared to start all over again, I was stuck on the same paragraph for days.

Surprisingly, when I realized something in between when I was trying to get the string back into the pants(details weren't important). I know that my mum has taught me a technique of using the hair pin before but I can't remember how she did it. The string was stuck in the middle and I was trying to get it to the other end of the opening. Being the chicken me, I have not thought of taking the whole string out and start to put the string back like a needle through one of the opening to the other. I only did that when a friend of mine told me to take the string out. See..sometimes, you just have to start all over to end it fast and not waste time by being at where you are stuck at.

Writing should be taken seriously as a form of expression of thoughts in mind. It should not be a burden but it should be done willingly. If it ever becomes a headache to write, then you have lost it all. However, don't give up! Don't be afraid to start all over again even if you have done 3 pages or so! Start from brain storming again. Just write down your ideas. They don't have to be pretty or neat. Continue with expanding your thoughts and points. Then, start to get hold of yourself and write. Trust yourself and believe that you are right. I am sure you will produce something significant.

Sometimes, it is not about what you have done or how much of time you have spent on doing something. It is not about effort all the time. When you don't feel right about doing something, then do something else. Have faith in yourself and do it! Never be scared to start from scartch. :)

I am begging you please

I gave up in trying to find my watch. I have lost it. I am so sorry, mummy..:(
It's my fault for being clumsy to forget where have I placed it. My bad for being the stupid one. Thinking that it was safe to put it somewhere else besides my own pocket, I have regretted it ever since. I was really dumb to even think that I have a good memory.

It was so sad that everytime, I pulled up my jacket's sleeves and only got to realized that my watch was not there anymore.It was hard to not being able to know the current time. Now, I have to rely on my phone. I miss my watch so much now. It was the prettiest one that I had so far.

These were the last few pictures with you, my awesome shiny pretty little watch:





Please let me find you somewhere in my room..I am begging you please. I promise you that I will take good care of you..:(

Being worried helps

Yes, I was worried about a lot of things recently. Most of them were academic stuffs like projects, exams and essays. In addition to that, I was also worried about the bhangra dance.

I am not a good dancer. I was told that I was stiff once. I was bad in remembering steps while dancing. I am not professionally trained. I don't go for dance classes. Choreographing a dance? I have never thought of that in my life..hahaha. I was involved because I want to try and have fun with my friends. All these while, I thought that everything that I have learnt in school about dances and performances were right and when I got to know that they weren't all that accurate, I was upset. Yes, I want to get things done quickly. Without thinking much about doing right thing, I was more focus on getting it done.

Although I have spent so much of time in trying to get steps done, they won't be worth if they are not the right steps. I don't want to be the one who spreads the wrong information about my own country to everyone else. That thought alone itself was killing me inside. I don't want to be the one to blame. I want to get it right. I am not a Malaysian if I were to insist on my own steps. Getting the steps right was hard enough for me. Thank you to Professor Anis for being there to correct the dance steps.

If you think it's easy to shop online..think again. Amazon have messed up my orders. I have ordered 4 pairs of bangles. It was 3am when I got back to get the package and opened it. I got them all but one of the pairs only had one in it instead of two. Fearing that the bangles won't reach on time, I made another order and called them in the morning. They said they will mailed it to me by priority mail and promised that it will be there before March 12th(MCN day). Let's hope so.

Because I was worried, I slept pretty late these few days and I can't sleep when the clock hits 12am or 1am. I am wide awake! Thanks to that, I was able to revise for my chemistry exam..hahaha.

I wrote this post to update my blog and nothing else. Ok, I better get my report, essay and not forgetting, revision for the next exam done. Busy busy busy..

Just an Amatuer

Just went for a debate tournament again. It is the National Novice Debating Championship 2011. A tournament for novices only and amateurs like me and all the first years. Lol. A great experience for me. I really learned a lot of things like I should get rid of my fears and think straight in any situations at all! Everyone did a good job in Novice and hopefully we will get better! :D

At times, I think back of the times when I was at school. The times when I got embarrassed when I was too nervous to speak on stage which I ended up crying for it, just made me smiled thinking of it now. Silly me.. And until now, I haven't really improved in anything but I am working on it. Lol.

That's all form me for now. So, don't be like me here. Just don't let anything get in your way. :)

Beyond my expectations

Work it, make it, do it, Makes us harder, better, faster, stronger!





Those who know me might be thinking that why am I listening to this old song out of a sudden. Plus, it is not the kind of song that I will play it if I can choose. The reason is simple; I just think that it suits me now. It's motivating me, really!

:)

Learning hurts

I have always thought that there is a limit to one's capability to learn something. Let it be a language, subject or skill. When you have reach it, you cannot get any further than that level. That is you and you are never going to pass that line because you will not be you anymore if you have passed it. You have maximized what you are capable of and that is enough for you..accept it.

I am wrong to even have that perception in mind. I should not doubt capability. There is just no limit to it. Why am I even thinking that I wont be able to do something when people around me seemed like they are just doing it right somehow? I can tell that I am just in a situation where I don't want to pay the price of the dress. The dress is so beautiful and I know that I want it because I think it looks good on me but I don't want to pay for it.

Once I have thought that cooking was impossible. Well, at least for me. To cook everyday was like a "No, No" to me but now, it is like a norm for me. I cook for most of my meals everyday! Yes, everyday! What I am trying to imply is that nothing is impossible because it is just our mental state that tells us that "Stop, I am done with it!" Of course, to learn something, you gotta pay the price for it and be patient. Once, you have done a mistake, it can be fixed and be taken as a lesson even if it is going to be painful. I have learnt that I cannot start putting the oil in the pan while there there are still some water in it, onions can help to reduce oil in food, steam cooks faster at times, use the rice cooker to save time, minced garlic is less of a hassle than fresh garlic, etc. Despite all of my lessons, I got some burns on my hands and yet, I am glad to say that "I can cook!"

No, I am not a victim of being abused but I am a victim of my own carelessness and stupidity in cooking.







Sharing some of my faillures in cooking:




Pictures above are just meant for laughs. :)

Should I be ashamed?

I don't know why for some reason the weather was colder for the past few days. It has to be at least -10 degree celsius. I know it might not be wise to opt to study in the library being that I will have to walk a few blocks to get there but really, I can't get things done in my apartment. No matter how hard I have tried, my days were somehow more productive in the library.

Anyway, it is a little depressing being in the apartment alone when Zera is not around. Yes, it might be quite and probably, it is the most conducive place ever to study and stay focus but really, it's depressing. Plus, having the "dim yellow light" study lamp on the table and having the laptop as the only reliable source of entertainment and also, the source of everything to me such as my assignments and projects. I rather go out some where in which I don't feel so down and moody.

Ok..back to the main focus of this blog post..I was in the library doing the usual thing and it was already 1am. I knew it though. It was not surprising being in the library for such a long period of time since I am slow in doing just about everything especially when it comes to studies or anything related to it.

I headed for my friend's advice to take the "safety-route-back" which was the cab and the advantage of it was that it is free as long as the destination is within the campus area. I thought that it might be a good choice since it was so late and the freaking cold weather could have gotten me frozen for real. So, I have called for the cab and went in the cab. Some guy came in the cab after a few minutes. He was just like me, a passenger. He looked pretty decent and he gave me a smile when he came in. After a few minutes, he asked me where was I going back to and I told him the location of my apartment. Guess what? I have totally changed my mind towards the-decent-looking-guy I had in mind after that question.

that guy : Don't you feel ashamed taking the cab? It's just a few blocks away??
me : .............(I was annoyed but kept my mouth shut to avoid any trouble)
that guy : Seriously?? Don't you feel ashamed?
me : .............:I

That one question had kept me thinking that I should probably be ashamed of it and it did ruin my day. I will think twice before taking the cab for now.. Thanks to "that guy". :/

Peace?

Lying down comfortably on the couch accompanied with a hot Milo on the coffee table while reading a book, peace is the only thing that I have felt. It has been a really long time in which I had basically nothing to do or worry about. It doesn't feel like heaven nor does it feel like hell. It's just a state in which my mind not thinking about serious matters.

Feeling a little bored, I went to my room and took out the pretty little small book that my sister and my friends had made for me as memento of my younger days. It was decorated so nicely and inside were filled were words that have made me cried for several times after reading them. The first time when I looked at it and not even reading it..my tears could not stop flowing down my cheeks. And I could not even bring myself to read it. The time when I actually had a good look at it was during the long hours in plane in my journey to US. When everyone else was sleeping or reading some book quietly, I was weeping away..hahaha.Today, however, I didn't not cry at all. I went through every page and look at every picture in detail. The only thing that came to me was gratefulness of having such friends in high school. Thanks Ching, Yeng, Debbie, Prithi, Kah Wei, Julia and Irina! :)

Not forgetting to mention that the internet was down, there was nothing much that can be done for the whole day. I was lucky enough to have my iPhone with me. Connecting through some random wireless network, I managed to get on skype and facebook at least. As always, my so called "chi mui"(sister in chinese) was online..maybe he will insist on "heng tai"(brother in chinese)..lol. We talked about random things. I wasn't all that bored for a moment. Thanks ya!:P

Now here I am in the lobby of Utowers with my laptop on my lap writng this post of mine while waiting for my sister to come online. It has been 5 days since I had spoke to her and yes, I am missing her already. Having her online will definitely make my day. Ching, I am waiting! :)