I have not intended to write anything to harm or discriminate anyone. This topic might be sensitive to many. Generally, it is a topic that most of us have avoided to discuss openly about and a lot of people have chose to be quiet or be ignorant about it. For some people, it might not be an issue at all. For others, it has been an accepted fact. Well, there are some who are fighting to make a difference and a better future. Ok, I am not talking about BERSIH, our government or anything to do with the leaders of our country. I think as you kept on reading, you might know what I am talking about.
Since my schooling years in a public school, I have been to where most students are of a different race from mine. Most of the students and the teachers as well would mingling with those of their own color. Well, it does include me in a way as I chose to mixed with those who can converse in English better. So, most of my friends are either Chinese or Indians as most of the Malays in my school converse in Malay. I know I might be a little bias as I am talking from only my perspective but at the same time, I do wonder..how come my close friends are mostly of my own race and those who can converse better in English? Why can't I mingling with those who converse in Malay? Is it because of my preference to speak in English? Or is it because that I do not have much things in common with them?
And you know, surprisingly, this situation does not only occur in my school but also, after my schooling years in high school. I do not blame anyone for this to occur but it does affect me to a certain extent even if I choose to be oblivious towards it. One of my friend said that it was because of the circumstances such as the language, food and way of living. I do get it as it is much easier to live with those who have more common issues to talk about and most importantly, to do things without having to explain it again and again. There is a mutual understanding, if you get what I mean.
It is not like I have more friends of the same color as my own and that I do not try to mix around with those of a different color but I think I choose to talk to those who prefer to speak in a language that I am comfortable with. It is not Mandarin, Cantonese or Hokkien but it is English (the language that I would prefer to speak, write and listen to). It is not that I do not like Chinese language but it is more conventional for me to speak in English. And it is not because that I am good in it. Honestly, my English standards are only in the satisfactory level. Well, language has certainly been a factor to me in making friends and thus, I have assumed that language plays a role in determining who we choose to be close with. Probably, it only affects to a certain degree..To be completely honest, I have seen that eventually, people tend to mix with their own kind and I don't exclude myself as well. Another thing that upsets me is that people tend to speak in their own native languages when they are with the other races who do not understand them..not that I disagree with them speaking it but the worst is when they do not care to explain when it happens.
I have taken a writing class for the winter semester. Surprisingly, most of the essay topics that were given to me can be related to racial differences. I did try to think of other topics to write on but only this topic was all that I could talk most about and yes, I have eventually wrote about it. I know its a good opportunity to write freely but as much as I want to..I can't bring myself to do it. I find it unfair as it is only coming from me. Thus, I have ended up writing about it in general terms. There are still so many questions that I have in mind about this issue itself. Is it because of me who is still naive and still wants to be unhappy about it or is it that everyone has understood it silently and not want to create any intense situation out of it?
I do want to believe that some of us can bring a difference, however, a part of me was telling me that it is not going to be easy. I know I might not be the best person to talk about this issue since I do not know what others might think of it and this post is just solely based on my own opinion and experience. Still, I think the truth is we all know that this is happening..perhaps some of you might have faced it much more frequent than I do.
Psychologically, people in general will feel more comfortable with people of the same race and background. In Malaysia, the Chinese people whom I know of have their own perspectives about the other races and I can pretty much assume that not only the Chinese have these stereotype mentalities and racial jokes but the other races have them as well, be it Malay, Indian or many others.
As much as I hope or wish that race to be not even considered as a factor in anything and in anywhere at all, I know I am just relying on the hopes that it might be true one day. It is hard to explain to the older generations, people around me and even some of my friends. I don't expect them to understand that I am frustrated about it. I chose to be quiet because I know it is sensitive. Not that I have nothing to say but it takes everyone to get it to make it happen.
I am not all that perfect myself to even talk about this issue but I want to remind myself at least, in my own blog that "You know..you have mentioned about this before." I don't want to regret in the later part of my life that I have not even raised an opinion about it. I am writing this because I am a Malaysian and I still care about my country.
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