My bad?

I felt like I was creating enemies for the second time and it wasn't very long ago. The first time was in high school and it was due to a childish act of mine and it ended up in a teary situation. Girls, gossips, backstabbers, friendships and heartaches..It was sort of a drama. I was the cause, of course. Until now, my relationship with this particular friend is just in the 'ok' terms. We don't have much things to say to one another after that incident but she was close to my sister at least. My sister was on her side in that incident. One thing that my sister said that had stuck on my head ever since was "I rather be the one who was used by others than being the one who was guilty for hurting others." I did not agree with her immediately but every time when I did face these kind of circumstances, I would consider this piece of advice. Influential huh? I have to admit that she was.

Not that I completely agree with her but as time passed, I did feel a whole better when I have followed it. There wasn't much of a grudge held and as much as I might feel like I was being used at times, I have to agree that not all things can be counted in life. Well, I might have been maybe a little too cautious when I felt like I am nearing the limitation point. When I have reached my breaking point, I would end up being the one without sense and that being said, I would be the irrational, emotional, stubborn and worst of all, the idiotic one. A lot of people who are close to me might have noticed this part of me and most of them who have not would be kind of surprise to see it. I know that this part of me is the part where no one likes to see but it only occurs when I get really frustrated..when I have gained my conscious, then I would judge myself for what has happened and if I did anything offensive or stupid. Most of the time, I blame myself for it because I have lost control in myself.

The second time was like a month or two ago. The second time was a real hit to my face because it was like "two in one" for me. "Two in one" meaning that two friends at the same time. I did felt like I am creating enemies for the second time and it was as guilty as the one that I had for the very first time. I don't want to blame it on anyone but I guess they just happened to occur due to the wrong timing. One after another is just enough to make me feel so bad. Clearing things up might be a solution, for me at least but I guess it's not the only way to do it and maybe it only works for me. :(

Anyhow, I am moving on and going on with the flow. No reason to think of it and destroy myself with being pessimistic. I am holding no grudge here, just to be sure. haha! I am thinking ahead now and not going to dwell in the past. ;)

Random thought : The picture above reminded me of this peribahasa, "Hilang kabus, teduh hujan" which means "Telah mendapat kesenangan sesudah menderita kesusahan."