The Getaway

My fifth year started for almost a month already and I am still no where near my books. Lol. Well, technically it's time for my research to finalise. Having an entire 7 weeks solely for that sort of made people taking it really easy. Honestly, I wanted to focus on my research especially after the time when I knew I was not able to go to the States for Ling's graduation.

Then, came the late notice for Royals. It sounds crazy to suddenly go all the way to Sabah for a debate competition but I went for it. A lot of people didn't understand why I did it. they kept asking me questions like, "Do you really like debate that much?" and "How about your SSM (research)?" Although we didn't make it far for Royals, I was proud of my juniors for their effort. By the way, I was the most senior person among the English debaters and was told to take care of my adik-adik sekalian. I realised time had passed so much that I am now a senior to these little kids. To be a senior wasn't easy as I have my self-management issues. I doubted whether I could manage things myself because my parents were not around at the same time when I was going to Sabah. I thought about expenses, groceries and laundry. It is not like I didn't do these things but it somehow felt different. I managed to spend time with my dear juniors and of course, knew them better. We went out to explore places in Sabah. Oops.. I don't think other seniors would have allowed them to skip those rounds but hey, we were in Sabah. We couldn't visit many places since time was very limited. We managed to go to the Philippines Market and karaoke at a mall nearby.

A day after I came back from Royals, my parents came back from the States. A few hours later, I left for Tioman. My mum was sad to see her daughter leaving again when she just got back. This time I went with the senior debaters. I was the only one still studying in UKM while most of them are working already. This was the time when I felt like I was actually in a vacation because we didn't really rush for things except for the ferry on the last day. We played a lot of mind games and of course, our traditional game, Murderer! It was my first time snorkelling. I still don't think swimming is my kind of thing but I promise that I will give it a try.

I did regret leaving the research to my group mates but I would not have changed my decision. Probably this was the time for me to just run away from the troubles in reality. When I got back, I have been really busy with research that I almost forgot one of my closest friends' birthday. I am starting to think that I will be a workaholic when I start working. When that happens, I will be the terrible person who is so oblivious towards people around me. No… :/

I am trying not to be that person. I hope not. I still believe that every single day should be appreciated especially those times spent with loved ones. I wouldn't trade that for anything. :)

The Talentless Girl

It is said that everyone is special in their own ways and we all have that one thing we are good that. You're either the guy who can run really fast or the girl who plays a musical instrument. But the thing is  not everyone is someone who can sing beautifully or someone who can solve a rubic cube in a minute. What if we are just plain and ordinary? Or what if we can do a lot of things but just not so good at it? It takes interest, hard work and training to do these things I guess.

This is one tough question for me 'cause really, I'm just not good at one thing. But Ling and I are pretty good at games like boggle and crash bandicoot, a playstation racing game. Talented much? I guess Ling could use her art skills and drawings. Her handwriting is also neat and nice, better than mine. And hula-hooping! This girl used to hula hoop forever before I get my chance to hold that hula hoop for as long as 10 seconds. 

I don't have much talent to brag about. I can play chess and badminton but it's not like I am good at it or anything. Futsal was just a one moment thing in KMK. Congkak was okay but because I take a long time to count and yes, I count, it's frustrating to play against me. I can play card games like Cho Tai Tee and Ngau but that's it. Batu Seremban, wow such memories! Those days after exams in primary and secondary school. Not forgetting that I played in KMK and also once in UKM. Surprisingly, I was playing with the psychiatric patients and their family members. In UKM, I started debating but I wasn't like super good or the best kind of speaker. And that's about it I guess. 

Still the untalented person. I know a couple of things but there's no one thing that I am really good at. People in my school days would have thought of me as the brainiac or the smart one so it's completely understood that my talent was being in that position. I think life has more things to offer than just these. 

Maybe and just maybe I haven't found mine yet. 

For your information, I have been trying out swimming lately and hopefully cycling but it's gonna take time. I don't know whether I have said this before in any blog posts but I am gonna say it again. You know people say that you can't forget a skill like cycling. When you've learned it, you will know it for the rest of your life. That is untrue or it's just me losing coordination and balance after a long period of time. I used to cycle independently without those baby wheels but I fell when I tried cycling in KMK. :/

Left too soon

I was lucky enough to know that the world was peaceful and almost too peaceful that I never had the experience of knowing that someone whom I know had left the world just too soon. That was only until Form 4 when I knew my class teacher passed away out of the blue, then my aunt who was in Australia and next were both of my grandmothers, and now my junior. When we thought everything was fine and normal, we have people we know who were suffering within or had an underlying disease to cope with. More unexpectedly, there are also deadly events or tragedies to appear out of nowhere.

I am still in shock to find out this. He was a great person. He was my junior in medical school and also in debate. Maybe he was too young to have passed away too soon. I last spoke to him three days ago when he called. He asked me about life in medical school, how was I coping with things and how do I see myself in the future. It was only normal for him to ask about this as he was thinking of changing course. He also told me about how he started to dislike medicine and couldn't imagine himself becoming a doctor in his future. I asked him about his parents' reaction towards his decision and he told me that they weren't very happy about it. He also asked for a senior's number to know how her working life is like as she is working in the biomedical line. 

And soon, I found out that he didn't call the senior when in fact, he called a few others to just get her number. Maybe it's not what I think it is. I am yet to find out what really happen. I wish I could have done more than this. Honestly, I was surprised to receive a call from him as I didn't talk to him for quite some time and that was during the orientation for third years. I saw the turn of events happening when he started to quit debate which was weird since he liked debate a lot. Then, changing course and now, this. Maybe those were the signs. There is a possibility that I would have been one of the last persons he talked to since nobody knew this was coming. I don't wish to experience things like this anymore but it's times like this when we start to appreciate what we have in life. Well, at least it made it clear to me about the important people and things in my life.

He was a great debater and definitely a bright student. May you find peace in heaven.

End of the world? Nope, it's just 2013.

Even if it was the end of the world, I would have led my life like usual. I would have gotten my assignments done if I had any or study for exams if there was. Whatever it is, here comes 2013! :D

Again, Ling is busy enjoying herself in places I couldn't go lol so I will do the new post before she does. What went down in 2012? It was the start of my clinical years. It was also the year where I finally have something to say in my surgical history if anyone would clerked me as a patient. Yup, I went through a surgery and not many people know about this. It's just a petty thing called fibrolipoma. Met a minor accident but I wasn't injured. Went for trips during my breaks (Melaka with my KMK sisters, Fraser's Hill and Langkawi with my UKM friends). Debated in my very first international tournament. Starting to cook by myself. Knowing how to drive to Semenyih. Tried bangs for a change. Found close friends. Several ups and downs but it turned out to be okay in the end.

My new year resolutions:
1.No failures in exams anymore. That means I will be studying more often lol.
2.Speaking mandarin and improving my chinese
3.Jogging in the weekends or whenever appropriate
4.Being the filial child as much as I can. Be there for my family when I can
5.Improving my cooking skills

This list looks more reasonable that the ones last year. See so much of practicality in this one lol. Grown to be wiser and smarter. I'm going to embrace 2013 with no hate and regrets. We only live life once so don't worry it away. Do things while you can. :)

The Pioneer

It was on 15 December 2012. Finally it became a reality. Personally, an accomplishment for me. I never knew it was that difficult to start off something although I was well informed that it ain't gonna be easy. And soon, I knew lol. The process of making this real was not as smooth as I thought it would have been. Thank you to all who have helped to make this a successful event especially to my committee members and also to my seniors who trusted me on this (I bet they had sleepless nights too lol-sorry for the worries and troubles). The ups and downs were never ending. At one point, I doubted myself whether it would actually happen for real. Glad it did. :)

Being the pioneer wasn't easy but I always believe that there's the brighter side to everything. For me, it was for my juniors. People say we don't work for ourselves but we work for our children. Here it means I'm the parent instead (omg, I feel so much like a parent now. Yes, I can be very protective over people I care about lol). It may not be the right saying to depict what I really wanna say but the principle is the same.

I knew that I wasn't the best example or the best leader to be looked up upon but my intentions are clear. I failed to please everyone. I just like to get things done my way. I did try to keep my cool and learn to deal with things in a calmer manner. When I think back, I'd rather it to have this event than something else that's not gonna work. At least, I have the taste of it and soon I will need to guide my juniors on this.

It was a great feeling but definitely exhausting. In the end, what matters most was having people to enjoy on that day and gain something from it. Let's see how it goes next year. :)

A new start

Here I am in HUKM for almost a month already! I got the excitement of facing the real things rather than medical books only after a couple of weeks here. I blamed the papers I had to take during the holidays. Probably that's why the transition took way longer in me myself. Not to mention that I am really glad for passing the papers at the end because the process of going through them all over again was like a painful heartache. Unimaginable and I will probably remember this for the rest of my life. No doubt. I sincerely wanna thank those who helped me through this. Thanks really! :)

I even managed to take part in a debate tournament last week. The first international tournament for me. A great one. :) Not like I accomplished anything there nor was I satisfied with my own performance, I guess it's the experience that counts. Yea, whatever. Haha.

So, back to how I feel about being n this whole new environment, ermm.. okay I guess. I don't know how to say this but I guess a bad memory will always remain a scar deep within yourself. No matter how much you wanna disguise it, it's still there to remind you about the bad stuff. People say clinical years are much, much, much more different and all. To me, I really wish I could make it through even though I was terrible in my pre-clinical years. Take this as a challenge and a test to better myself. For better, for worse, I am here for whatever it is.:)

An early new year post

Since I'm rather free and awake at the moment, I will do the new year post. Ling, have fun in Disneyland and Miami ya! Waiting to hear stories from you! ;)

So, what's interesting here in 2011 before we talk about 2012? There are many interesting things:

Becoming a sophomore (only the fact that I can see myself more matured and believe me, it does scare me sometimes. Lol).

Catching up with good old friends and spending time with new ones. Yup definitely nice. The times at Modiva although I am not into alcoholic drinks, I just like to meet up with the long-time-no-see people. Little did I know that many of my school friends could drink already. I mean they have tried many times. Haha! And the times I spent with the debaters for Secret Santa and also at Beatrice's house. It makes me feel so attached to Christmas somehow. And at this very moment, the UKM teams are now in Philippines fighting all out in World's! *keeping my fingers crossed for them* Talking about UKM, I had a great time with my gang. All the times we spent for birthdays and also outings after end of module exam were splendid! And to people who are dear to me, thank you for making my day all the time and for all the little things you have done. I appreciate it a lot. :)

Here comes 2012,

Many people say it's the end of the very world we live in. Somehow, I don't feel like it is. One because I have things to cherish here. Second, I was too caught up with my own things and forgot about the worldly matters. LOL. But still, what would be the last thing you ever wish for? Or what would you do to make no regrets in living?

Not that I have thought much about it but yea something to think through and I think it helps in making new year's resolutions. I'm still thinking about it. Have you? I do know one person with a very nice list of resolutions already. It kinda drives me to think about my own. :)

Almost so free

It has been some time since I last posted something here. Yea, caught up with stuffs and everything else. Now that, I'm free..almost so free. *note the "almost". Lol. I should catch up with Sweet, Sour and Bitter. :)

But I guess, I will let the pictures do the talking. XD

Swimming at Eliza's place. Hehe..
IHL debate. We only rocked it on the last day. XD

Adeline's birthday! *the UKM Adeline. :D

MMU Ramadhan debate. We all knew what happened. lol.

Isaac's Delicious Birthday Treat! :D

PBL 14. Us on the last day of CSL session in HUKM. :)

Ying Xin's birthday. Our presence is definitely something unexpected. :D

Now, who's that? Nobody believed I did it. :P

Skating~ Wee~ haha! They even have cameraman walking around to take pictures now.

We were the last ones to come out that day but still, we can't miss this shot. XD

See I wouldn't have realised that I look quite masculine. Haha!

There were other events and happenings too but they're just not here in pictures. There was UKM IV, VC Cup and so many other things going on. All kept safe inside here-my head. Lol. Even though some may fade through time but people say we tend to forget bad memories and those sweet ones stay as long as the person lives. I wanna believe in that at least. :)

With all these, I'm practically ending my 3rd Semester already and moving on to 4th Semester.

Not to mention the torturous exam week that came right before my break. Still couldn't believe that I went through it and yea just hoping for the best now. *praying and keeping my fingers crossed* The worst thing that could ever happen would be no holidays for me the next semester. T.T... Gosh..gonna just take it as it is.

Still, I just wanna enjoy this moment where I have no worries and stress. Am enjoying every minute of it. :D

Not so little anymore

While I was enjoying my break from studies, my sister is busy studying and preparing for her debate competition. I did not have a lot of opportunity to see her. All I could do at home to help her were helping her to wrap her books and just tolerate with her when she gets frustrated. I get that she is busy, REALLY BUSY to the point where she skipped her meals in between. So, I have decided to watch her(although I do not want to disturb her and make her feel awkward with my presence, I think I did). Ching, I am so sorry but I really wanted to see how far have you improved..Not that I am judging you..It's just that I have not really seen the "debate-side" of you ever since you have told me so many stories about it when you have first debated. Thanks to friend who have accompanied me there, I got to where I was supposed to be without feeling lonely there. YES, I saw my little sister debating..:P

The debate style was BP(British Parliamentary which has 4 teams consisting of two teams in the government and two teams in the opposition which have one opening and closing team respectively) and the motion was "The first world country's affirmative actions have brought injustice to women." The title might be not be worded as it was exactly but this is close enough to it. My sister's team was the closing for the opposition. For me, it has started off with a bad start from the government team but it got cleared up when the opposition started to pointed it out. In the end, it was a worth to watch match because the closing for the both teams were pretty much even. As expected, the oppositions won and my sister's team was second after the opening team for the opposition.

As I have expected, she did impressed me. With the information that she has presented, I was like "Wow, you know a lot!". She was shaky in the beginning but she went on well with justifying her points on her stand. She was not as loud as I have used to be because I am pretty sure that my voice is far louder in high school. She was almost at her loudest, I think. I know that my sister would freaked out if I have started taking pictures and hence, I did not take any pictures but I did recorded her speech.

I wished that she could go to the finals. Good Luck! :)

Great Serdang Debate 2011

Even during the semester break, UKM teams still participated in this tournament. GSD was held in UPM and I finally took pictures this time. Hehe. This wasn't really our tournament. We had ups and downs.

Personally, I didn't think we could bring back the trophy but it's not like I didn't have hopes for it. Just not so much, I guess. For one, we aren't experienced enough as we are all juniors except for the UKM adjudicators. Secondly, we weren't so prepared to go for this tournament. We had trainings but it is just never a statement for me that I would be much prepared for any competition. LOL. It was just to see how much I've improved if I did. I think I did learn a few things.

I am pretty sure all the UKM debaters are disappointed with our bad achievements but we'll strive better right? :) Apart from all of that, I felt we really got close and knew one another better as we could hardly meet up unless if we come for trainings. We had our very own activity to increase the bonding among ourselves. It was more about the same thing we did in Royals. Played games, went out and bought presents for ourselves.

As for now, we are all busy preparing for our very own intervarsity tournament, UKM IV. We're supposed to promote it so if you're interested, just go to ukmintervarsity.wordpress.com

That's all for now. :)

Just an Amatuer

Just went for a debate tournament again. It is the National Novice Debating Championship 2011. A tournament for novices only and amateurs like me and all the first years. Lol. A great experience for me. I really learned a lot of things like I should get rid of my fears and think straight in any situations at all! Everyone did a good job in Novice and hopefully we will get better! :D

At times, I think back of the times when I was at school. The times when I got embarrassed when I was too nervous to speak on stage which I ended up crying for it, just made me smiled thinking of it now. Silly me.. And until now, I haven't really improved in anything but I am working on it. Lol.

That's all form me for now. So, don't be like me here. Just don't let anything get in your way. :)

This is so 2010.

Another year has passed and here comes 2011. Last year, Ling did the new year post so I guess it should be my turn this year then. Lol. Anyway, she wouldn't have the time to do it because she is having fun in NYC. And me, stucked at home studying for another end module exam on Monday!

So what happened in 2010?

I was still in KMK until April. Had fun with my KMK family and friends while Ling was still studying in Uniten. My first birthday without Ling. She was still in the Sime Darby Camp on that day. During the last few weeks in KMK, I had dinner most of the time with Fiona and sometimes with the other sisters. On the last day in KMK, I was like one of the earliest to go back and I regretted as I didn't get to do all the things that I wanted to do. :(

Then, came the dormant phase of waiting for results. I don't remember doing anything that time except shopping and being at home. Had a few gatherings with KMK sisters and friends, I think. Lol. The next thing I remembered was getting into UKM where everything was really different. We all went separate ways. I still have Peh Ge and Allana here in UKM but we don't get to meet up often. Adeline, Yi Ting and Xuan Lin are so lucky to be together in the same faculty in UM while Fiona is the only one in UPM like Daphenie who is the only one in UNIMAS. Those in USM are EJ, Ying Sze and Hui Yi.

In UKM, I met amazing people. I managed to brush up my mandarin, I think. Well at least it was better than when I was first in KMK. I am still not so good though because I still ask my friends to translate for me when it gets really complicated. :P

While I was still in my first or second month in UKM, Ling went to Michigan. I still remember her reaction when she first got the offer to study there. Despite all the hardships she went through, it really paid off at the end of the day.

I also met up with my old friends a couple of times. I still remember the times we spent to make Ling that card. Thanks to Yeng, Debbie, Kah Wei, Julia, Prithi and Irina. It was really sweet of you all to come up with that idea. :)

There were ups and downs. I once broke into tears talking to Ling in a video call and so did Ling. No matter the distance, we still feel for each other. Twin thing? Haha.

Well it was not all about studying while I was in UKM, I got myself involved in debate. I know like wow right?! Who ever thought I could be a debater? Yea then I went for KDU IV and ROYALS. Woohoo! Honestly, I thought debate really thought me a lot of stuffs and changed me in some ways. For example, I have to care about things that I don't even wanna know last time. Lol.

Sweet, sour and bitter as Ling named this blog, it actually explains it all. I don't think I mentioned everything that happened in 2010 but it was really a nice year. Say hello to 2011!

Out of Place

Just came back from Johor last night and now I feel kinda lost in the real world. The 5 days spent in UTHM are definitely memorable. 2010 ROYALS was awesome! Even though, I complained about a lot of stuffs there, I felt it was worth at the end of the day. My team didn't managed to get into the quarters but I was glad that at least we nearly made it. I am pretty sure all the UKM teams did their best already. Honestly, I feel really proud being a UKM debater. Our seniors were great! At least they made it into quarters and there was one team which made it into finals against UM! Congrats to all of them!

About the debate, I felt like nobody expected UKM to make it so far and most importantly put up a good fight. I salute my seniors for making what people thought was impossible possible. On the other hand, I feel really bad for my team because I felt like I contributed the least. Anyway, anyhow, what has happen is the past so no more emo-ing for me.

After ROYALS, I felt out of place. Guess I am starting to miss those times we had in ROYALS. I never regret going for it even though I know that I have a pile of work left waiting to be done-studying! Gosh.. Can I have a break? Lol.

No pictures from me in this post because I didn't take any. Anyway, it was a nice experience even without pictures from me. Long live UKM Debaters! :D

Debating?

During my schooling years, I was never looked up as a very confident person. I was more of a girl who likes to keep her opinions to herself and afraid to voice it out. I guessed the turning point of this passive behaviour was when I decided to try out to be a prefect in secondary school. My sister and I didn't want to be prefects initially but after thinking.. we somehow agreed on this decision. As for me, the main reason for this was to seek for a change since I've never been a prefect in primary school.

Being a prefect didn't change me instantly though. I gotta admit that I wasn't the ideal prefect for a few reasons. Personally, I felt that it was because I wasn't strict and even if I tried to be, people laughed at me. My problem of not being able to project a loud voice adds on to the list. Plus, I have difficulties in pronouncing some words as well. :(

I tried improving myself then. I felt that I didn't really accomplished my goals in my secondary school as I still doubted myself in almost everything I did. But, it was then I was aware that I will have to make a difference. I have always wanted to do something great in life even until today. XD

In matriculation, it was kinda like a chance for me to develop myself to be brave. I had to be strong anyway because I was no more staying with my parents. Then I realized that I had a little 'Pauline' in me. Lol. After all, we are twins! She is like one the persons with the strongest personalities I've seen.

Lately, I have participated in a debate competition. Yea, you read it right. A debate competition in UKM. People who have known me long enough would have been in a shock knowing this especially my highschool friends. This was my first time trying debating. I took this as an opportunity to see how much I've improved.

I think I did a fairly "okay-okay" job. My team lost for the first two rounds but we managed to win at least once. My teammates were good in their own ways. I was proud that I finally got the nerve to speak up. Hehe.

I felt that what I'm today is a far cry from what I was in school. Would I even dare to take part in a debate competition in school then? I doubt it.

As long as we wanna improve ourselves, we will soon see the improvement in ourselves. The picture above shows some of the debators from my college.