Done and Done! :)

It's done! Made it officially! It has been almost one month since the most critical point of my life has ended. Well, at least the most critical by far and probably more to come. So, what have I been doing all this time? Nothing exciting unless if you consider activities like catching up on series and lying around at home the most enjoyable time at the moment. Yup, enjoyable! I'm not even gonna take it back or replace it with some adventurous stuff. I like the peace and quiet. And it stays like that hopefully. :p

Well, this period of time was also about catching up lost times with people around me and people in my lives. A LOT of well spent times definitely! I felt like I lost my whole 5 years to education that I didn't realise I skipped one part of entertainment in the teenage going to adulthood phase. A lot of people see boozing and getting drunk like some phase they go through at that age but it looks like most of my friends in medical school and also other friends in the healthcare line experienced the same thing. We didn't get that kind of phase to think that it was lame to go there at a more matured age like now. Kinda new to most of us actually. Finally, this goody two shoes made a whole new exploration. I didn't get drunk although I do wanna know what's my limit to getting there. But, she ended up getting rashes and pruritus all over her body. -.-" 

My plan next is to take Singapore and who knows maybe an island after this. Alongside, I will be working with all the paperwork for my future career. So long until next time!

The Last Minute Crazy Thing

Ever got a call from a friend to go on a road-trip at that very moment? Or was invited to go for a party at that instant when you didn't have enough time to even pick out an outfit? I guess everybody did. It can be fun but stressful for some. Hey, isn't this the part of your life where you go like, "I am in if you are"?  (Not everybody can take that time pressure, not everyone.:P)

Ling and I did that once on 13 December 2014. The string of events that happened before we arrived were not the as smooth as we thought it could had been but we made through it in the end. I thought it was worth the headache and talking. I realised that this was my first ever meeting someone popular and this isn't even a concert of any singers or bands, just the fellow Youtubers. So, what's the hype about it? I doubted myself about going actually but I guess I managed to take out the doubts at the very last minute and to start believing that I could do certain things. 

We didn't get to meet the big stars but we managed to take a picture with a group local Youtubers. The Ming Thing! It was a humbling experience to meet someone who is known by others. The thing that amazed me the most was them being so humble too. They were the only ones who were willing to come over and take a selfie with us. Aww.. It is a rewarding experience to get to see them in person. I finally got to say I have met some people. :)

This was written way back then on 13th January 2015. 

Jalan Ipoh Ain't Going Away

Hey, my home street made it to the headlines recently. DBKL decided to change its' name to Jalan Sultan Azlan Shah on the 26th of November 2014, along with other 7 roads in KL. Very familiar names like Jalan Duta, Mahameru Highway and Jalan Semarak are all going to be changed to other names. Don't get me wrong by saying that I don't like those new names. Being a Malaysian, it is an honour to know that your home street was about to be named after a royalty. I understand the reason to uphold the names of our rulers. I also understand the reasons for the rakyat to express their disagreement regarding the change of names of the common roads in KL. It really will bring about change in our addresses, name cards and signboards.

Being someone who was brought up in Jalan Ipoh all her life, I feel sad that it would no longer be called Jalan Ipoh. It's just a name of a road but unknowingly, my feelings for Jalan Ipoh meant so much more than I thought. The people used to call it by its' Batu's or miles. Batu Satu till Batu Lima, that was how long the road was. Many places were also named after Jalan Ipoh. The girl school by the name of SMP Jalan Ipoh, the restaurant called Ipoh Road Yong Tau Foo and Jalan Ipoh Club are all going to cause confusion in people.

Maybe the road was too long to have the same name so now at this moment, only part of it remains as Jalan Ipoh. I think it's until somewhere along Batu Tiga. Batu Empat and beyond remains Jalan Ipoh. Still it is a sad thing isn't it? I still feel as if the name carved some sentiments in me. It's like taking away your childhood memory of the really long road you've known.

My family called it Ipoh Road. It used to be a small road with shophouses along the long road. Then, came the Mutiara Shopping Complex and not long ago, River City was established right outside of my home. The HSBC and KFC never fail to be the landmark of Jalan Ipoh since I was born. The ever famous Uma Rani chain of shops will remain as prosperous as usual. The Batu Tiga market will still be as busy as ever.

Despite the change in the name, the people and the food will stay the same. The delicious Hokkien mee, Bah Kut Teh and porridge will still stick around as long as the business is still running. The busy food street in front of red/orange building will keep lighting up the street in the dark. Pak Halim's nasi lemak is not something to be forgotten as well! Some people say the Dim Sum but I say otherwise. Lol.

And whenever anyone ask me where I live, I'll still say it's Jalan Ipoh. :)

Silly Me Again

I have become the clumsy girl at home for my records of troublesome events and now, I made it even clearer for that title. It was a happy day for some and a busy day for some. For me, it was a day when shit just happened. Lost my wallet unknowingly until I found out the next day. Too bad, too late, some things can't be saved. Lost some belongings and lost the mood for the day because it happened in the morning. It was my first time making a call on the highway while shivering all the way through. I was panicking while speaking on the phone with the bank operator and broke down while speaking to my family. I didn't feel like talking about it even until now. :/

Not having anyone else with me when it happened taught me to keep myself calm. I was only trying to make it through the day on my own. I drove to the side to stop and calm down. Being an emotional person, I cried many times. Even when I was speaking to the police, I think I started panicking again. God save me from this mess.. The biggest lesson in this incident was to be more careful. 

Thanks to those who were concerned. I wasn't in the right mind to thank you all but I really do appreciate it. It was a long day. :/

The Can't-haves

It was the usual day of going to work in a workplace so mundane that many had left. It had her thinking for some time, thinking whether it was time. The time to leave the place for the better as they had always told her about how it was greener on the other side. Better payroll, healthier workplace and probably a fairer chance for opportunities, but all these were not guaranteed. Being the less of a risk taker person, she never dared to make such drastic change in her life.

She knew there was a couple of things to consider before making one of those lifetime changing decisions. First, her family and second, herself. When it came to family, they were her everything. She would want to spend most of her time with them even if it was just for a meal at home. Home was the one of her getaway places. A cozy place where all troubles in life seemed to go away for that moment allowing her to be herself finally. She was always on make-up wearing the outfits for the people. Everybody loved her being beautiful as she was a pleasant lady to gaze at. Never was she herself in any way in that place.  Nobody knew what she really wanted to be. Plus, nobody would have figured that she was a lazy girl with no intentions to hold a brush or mascara. She liked her bare-faced look wearing tanks or big-sized t-shirts, paired with her home shorts. Home was the place where no acting was required out of her. Being herself was being loud and speaking her mind. Feeling comfortable was lying down on the couch while watching television. The life itself was luxurious without anything extravagant. She decided that she would rather stay here for her family and also for herself to live happy.

He on the other side of the world, had problems from within. Always felt lesser than anyone else. Never had the guts to speak up or even speak to strangers. He wished he had someone to talk to but not just anybody. He wanted someone who could speak in the same context and more importantly without the language barrier. Nobody understood how it felt like living in a world where you could physically fit in but not in language terms. He was the one who never mastered his own mother tongue. Always trying to catch up with the language which made him felt so far away from everyone else. Hoping that someday he could finally bring himself to speak with confidence. Someday he will make something big out of his life. 

The Getaway

My fifth year started for almost a month already and I am still no where near my books. Lol. Well, technically it's time for my research to finalise. Having an entire 7 weeks solely for that sort of made people taking it really easy. Honestly, I wanted to focus on my research especially after the time when I knew I was not able to go to the States for Ling's graduation.

Then, came the late notice for Royals. It sounds crazy to suddenly go all the way to Sabah for a debate competition but I went for it. A lot of people didn't understand why I did it. they kept asking me questions like, "Do you really like debate that much?" and "How about your SSM (research)?" Although we didn't make it far for Royals, I was proud of my juniors for their effort. By the way, I was the most senior person among the English debaters and was told to take care of my adik-adik sekalian. I realised time had passed so much that I am now a senior to these little kids. To be a senior wasn't easy as I have my self-management issues. I doubted whether I could manage things myself because my parents were not around at the same time when I was going to Sabah. I thought about expenses, groceries and laundry. It is not like I didn't do these things but it somehow felt different. I managed to spend time with my dear juniors and of course, knew them better. We went out to explore places in Sabah. Oops.. I don't think other seniors would have allowed them to skip those rounds but hey, we were in Sabah. We couldn't visit many places since time was very limited. We managed to go to the Philippines Market and karaoke at a mall nearby.

A day after I came back from Royals, my parents came back from the States. A few hours later, I left for Tioman. My mum was sad to see her daughter leaving again when she just got back. This time I went with the senior debaters. I was the only one still studying in UKM while most of them are working already. This was the time when I felt like I was actually in a vacation because we didn't really rush for things except for the ferry on the last day. We played a lot of mind games and of course, our traditional game, Murderer! It was my first time snorkelling. I still don't think swimming is my kind of thing but I promise that I will give it a try.

I did regret leaving the research to my group mates but I would not have changed my decision. Probably this was the time for me to just run away from the troubles in reality. When I got back, I have been really busy with research that I almost forgot one of my closest friends' birthday. I am starting to think that I will be a workaholic when I start working. When that happens, I will be the terrible person who is so oblivious towards people around me. No… :/

I am trying not to be that person. I hope not. I still believe that every single day should be appreciated especially those times spent with loved ones. I wouldn't trade that for anything. :)

Wo Hau Taiwan

Still can't believe I went to Taiwan with these people. After staying in Taiwan for almost 2 weeks, I think it's a nice place but deep down I know I can't survive here. I miss Malaysia when I was there.

I had quite a hard time remembering names in Mandarin and communicating with the locals. Thankfully for the friends who translated very well for me to make sure that I understood what was written and spoken.

We lit up a lantern at Shifen! Got that right! But, I can't remember which day was it already.

I remember spending 4 days in Taipei before we head to Damsui, Beitou, Sun Moon Lake, Nantou, Chiayi, Taichung, Hualien and New Taipei, all in that order. I had to refer to our self-made itinerary to recall these places. Lol.

In Taipei alone, there were so many places. We spent our last day back in Taipei because the airport is there. Believe it or not, I remembered the places better after surveying the magnets Ling wanted. I bought u magnets based on the more popular places I remember. :P

The weather is ever-changing. We were freezing cold when we arrived at Taipei and when we went all the way up to Alishan. It was hot like in Malaysia when we were at Sun Moon Lake. And it finally rained when we were at New Taipei. It was raining when we lit up the lantern. (Shifen is part of New Taipei)

The food was fine. We tasted bad ones and some really good ones. Couldn't really help much in other aspects so I was the one who researched on food in the night markets we planned to go. Not a foodie but yea it was helpful sometimes. I think the milk tea is nice. Other than that, the best foods for me are those I bought from their 7-elevens especially those lunch boxes. They even have pei tan porridge and shu shi in their 7-elevens! The fruit jelly sold in 7-eleven is nice too. They also have herbal eggs boiling in pots in their 7-elevens. I wished those were in Malaysia. I like the ha gau in Hualien too. The siew loong pau there had a thicker skin and I could hardly taste the soup.

Apart from that, I was really taken away by their punctuality and the organised public transport. Although, I had a communication breakdown with the workers there when my Easy Card (it's like Touch N' Go in Malaysia) failed me at one of the MRT stations, I think it's so convenient for their people to travel. They hardly have traffic jams or at least I didn't see any. It's difficult for people like me who can't read. Lol.

It was worth visiting other places I guess. Travelling does open up my mind in certain things. I realised the importance of embracing my mother tongue. I am still learning but at a slow pace. Not many people understand why a Chinese can't speak and read Chinese. When I was there, they spoke to me in Mandarin but sadly, I could only engage in simple conversations. There was this one occasion where an uncle spoke Hokkien to me. I could reply but when he started telling me stories, I couldn't understand anymore. They have this unspoken rule about keeping the left side a fast lane in escalators. They will scold you for blocking their way if you stood there or walk real slow there. Almost everyone there has an Easy Card which saves a lot of time. They will tell you not to drink or eat in the MRT and when I say they, it maybe just a random auntie or a random kid telling you this. I don't know if it happens in other places too but I do see many locals taking out their pet dogs for walks and some are really groomed well.

Are their things cheap? Some of the foods are because they come in small portions. Some clothes are really cheap too but like in Times Square, you can't try them. I think it varies in different places too. You will have to do the bargaining like in Malaysia to get a cheaper price.

Apart from that, if you're planning to go there, don't be surprised to see many Malaysians there. Singaporeans, Japanese and Koreans like to visit Taiwan too. I had Taiwanese thinking that I was from Hong Kong because Adeline was translating the menu to me in Cantonese. I met a Singaporean girl who thought I was a Singaporean too. My Manglish accent sounded like her Singlish I guess. We, Malaysians are so difficult for others to guess where we are from. Lol.

The Talentless Girl

It is said that everyone is special in their own ways and we all have that one thing we are good that. You're either the guy who can run really fast or the girl who plays a musical instrument. But the thing is  not everyone is someone who can sing beautifully or someone who can solve a rubic cube in a minute. What if we are just plain and ordinary? Or what if we can do a lot of things but just not so good at it? It takes interest, hard work and training to do these things I guess.

This is one tough question for me 'cause really, I'm just not good at one thing. But Ling and I are pretty good at games like boggle and crash bandicoot, a playstation racing game. Talented much? I guess Ling could use her art skills and drawings. Her handwriting is also neat and nice, better than mine. And hula-hooping! This girl used to hula hoop forever before I get my chance to hold that hula hoop for as long as 10 seconds. 

I don't have much talent to brag about. I can play chess and badminton but it's not like I am good at it or anything. Futsal was just a one moment thing in KMK. Congkak was okay but because I take a long time to count and yes, I count, it's frustrating to play against me. I can play card games like Cho Tai Tee and Ngau but that's it. Batu Seremban, wow such memories! Those days after exams in primary and secondary school. Not forgetting that I played in KMK and also once in UKM. Surprisingly, I was playing with the psychiatric patients and their family members. In UKM, I started debating but I wasn't like super good or the best kind of speaker. And that's about it I guess. 

Still the untalented person. I know a couple of things but there's no one thing that I am really good at. People in my school days would have thought of me as the brainiac or the smart one so it's completely understood that my talent was being in that position. I think life has more things to offer than just these. 

Maybe and just maybe I haven't found mine yet. 

For your information, I have been trying out swimming lately and hopefully cycling but it's gonna take time. I don't know whether I have said this before in any blog posts but I am gonna say it again. You know people say that you can't forget a skill like cycling. When you've learned it, you will know it for the rest of your life. That is untrue or it's just me losing coordination and balance after a long period of time. I used to cycle independently without those baby wheels but I fell when I tried cycling in KMK. :/

The Runway to Final Year

That's Chris, my junior buddy and I in our very own college dinner. Fashionista Night was the theme for the dinner. Fashionista Night was last Saturday and it was after my 4th year finals which made it part of the relieving moments after the hard core studying for exams period. It was my very first time attending a college dinner since I always had other things to do during those dinners. Glad that I could make it for this one. :)

Anyway, I just got my results today at around 6pm. By far, this was the latest time ever the results were announced. Anxiety, palpitations, panic attacks, butterflies in the stomach, loss of appetite. Those were the things my batch mates and I had before receiving the results. I guess I felt the same but I was always trying to be positive about everything. I also was being very objective about myself because I knew what I did back there. Lol. I didn't think I have done a great job but it was definitely my best. Thankfully, I made it! :)

But deep down, I knew I was in deep shit. Everyone was like yay final year! I took a second and thought oh shit! Being a final year is like one more year to becoming a real doctor. I don't think I am any way close to becoming one. This is it? Here comes the most critical time of a medical student. Yay?

Apart from that,  I have friends who were still unfortunate to make it to final year yet and I am sure they would be able to. Been there done that, I know how much it hurts. It somehow felt like you're the worst ever student and sometimes you start questioning yourself whether you're gonna continue doing this. I did lose faith, lost hope and isolated myself but the most important thing was to be yourself. I had to fix myself. Such a mess.

I will be leaving for a Ni-Hao-Ma land soon. Should have practiced more mandarin when I could. Hello Taiwan! :D

Retreat. Lost. Withdrawal.

If you asked me whether writing this post is a retreat from what I am actually supposed to do now, then the answer is yes! My finals are around the corner and yes, it's always at the time when everyone else had their exams done with. So, a week of supposed CNY holidays and then 2 weeks to go. I am really praying hard to pass this one.

Met up with my long time no see KMK sisters. Yay finally! So much for lost times and got some updates from them about their lives. Not much of updates from me compared to the rest of them. Well, I have given some thought to this and I guess maybe because it was hard for me to fall for someone. Yea, pretty much like that. Don't get me wrong. I know I am attracted to guys but hey it doesn't come often.

Some found love but some lost it. That's life isn't it? Some things are meant to be told because it brings so much joy and happiness. But some are just kept in the safe place in your heart so that it doesn't remind you about the bad things that happened. And all you want are the good memories from those times. Maybe I should call it the lost times.

The lost times are the past and to think about it again and again won't change anything. It will just hold your heart from moving and worse, paralysed with time. So heartless. Sometimes it all comes back in flashes like how Taylor said it. Those of which I would refer as withdrawal symptoms. Makes you wanna come back for more because it feels so good.

Those lost times and withdrawal symptoms are said to fade with time. I have seen people who have successfully gone through it so many times. Truthfully, I don't know how they do it. This is a piece of note to those who are going through this emotional period of time because I know some of you are going through this too. It helps a lot to talk to someone with a similar experience. Trust me it does.

But until then, staying single gives you the advantage of searching yourself. Parts of you, you never knew. Most importantly, be yourself and love the people around you who needs your love. :)

Just another interesting fact, did you know that family who often sit in a roundtable having meal together have closer bonds? Kinda true looking at my own. It's kinda rare to even have the whole family to start with. Just a Chinese New Year thought.

Patience tested

I was doing the usual thing in the clinic today. Talking to patients and trying to get a history out of it. Then presenting it to the doctors. Sometimes becoming a translator. Yup, everyone assumes a chinese to know chinese. So yea,  I was there to translate sometimes but people who have known me would have figured that there is a limit to my chinese language. I can try cantonese, hokkien and mandarin but I am gonna admit that it is a struggle to speak my own mother tongue. So, I do get help from my friends who can do better than me.

There was this elderly lady who came for follow-up alone. I pitied her really. I appeared to be the only one who could communicate with her so yea I was there translating actually. She took quite some time in the clinic just because nobody knew what was happening. Didn't know what her financial status was or whether she has gotten the treatment. Her kids were all working and busy I guess. She gave us a notebook and her phone. To my dismay, it was all in chinese characters. Got a friend to help search the numbers and finally called her son-in-law. The peak of my patience was when I spoke to him and the only question he was interested to ask was, "Do I have to pay?" Obviously isn't it? And worst of all, he kept saying that they are not staying with her and she is not my mother. I was like.. what on earth did the old lady do to you? Isn't she your family? No words came out to express those thoughts in my head though.

I told him off but was also trying not to be offensive. This is a situation that I can't avoid being offensive but I am really trying here to make things sound reasonable. Explaining that this poor mother-in-law of yours needs medication and she doesn't know who's paying for it but she has gotten her welfare approval for her medication. Could you all kindly come accompany her here next time? After all she's old and illiterate, and most important of all, she's suffering from pain because no medication was given to her.

I was furious really. At the same time, I was amazed with my cantonese. Struggling to search up words in my limited vocabulary of chinese but I managed to speak somehow. Thank God. I hope I helped her for today at least.

Lesson was to accompany your parents to the clinic. What harm would it make to take a day off to accompany your parents? From then on, I made a deal with myself to accompany my mother and father to see the doctor or at least have my siblings there with them.

Hopes in 2014

Being 23 this year and knowing that I will be 30 soon before I even know, this is not cool. Lol. I am still here studying. 2013 was a year of finding what I really want in life and falling in love with what I am currently doing.

The list of things for 2014:

1. Pass my exams.
2. Travel to places.

3. A new house for my family. :)

4. Just to add some fun to it. Do YOLO stuffs like going for bungee jumping or trying some new things.
5. Be more girly. My mum's wish all along.
6. Spending more time with my family.
7. Forgive the past and live for the future.
8. Stay healthy and be safe.
9. Less Facebook-ing unless necessary.
10. Saving money.

And our birthday was yesterday. Not feeling very excited about birthdays but it was nice to spend it with friends. And they pulled it out very nice for me. Thank you! :)

Everything was nice but I thought it was a little exaggerated. If this were to happen when I was in my teen years, I would have been the happiest person. I don't know maybe if it's me getting old. I now prefer the sweet and quiet moments. It doesn't have to be in an expensive place or with a big moment of flowers.

My treasures for 2014. :)

Meaningful Christmas

It's Christmas and new year again! And also Dong Zhi or what I like to call the Tong Yuen Festival. This year end is definitely different with Ah Kong/Grandpa leaving us on the 22nd after a heart attack in the middle of the night. He had been in and out of the hospital for many times recently and I guess we all sort of knew but we didn't think that it was gonna be on that day. Life's like this. And we gotta move on with it so, enough about the sad news.

Even though Christmas this year is a sad one for my family, I wish to remind myself about the good things that happen. A handmade snow globe by one of close friends or "heng dai"-s in UKM, Tan Yuet Yang. This crazy fella made 20 of these for his friends but it did made everyone's day at least. If you ever read this blog, thank you again! :)

The above picture of a scenery is from my sister who wanted to show me snow from her place. I am guessing it's the view outside her window.:P  And another gift from my close friend, Cassy but I didn't manage to take a picture of the gingerbread she made because I ate it already. Hehe.

This is also a season for all us to remember the importance of family and friends although, I am quite lousy when it comes to people. Catching up with family and friends or trying to create conversation with a long-time-no-see person is really difficult. I guess I am a really socially awkward person. :/

Nevertheless, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Maybe it's Ah Kong way of reminding us about Dong Zhi Festival and Christmas. May you rest in peace. :)

Just say and be whatever

Finally, my days in Paediatrics are over. It's not like I didn't like the posting or kids but it was quite a scary posting. Knowing that the chances of failing the short case was high, anyone in that position would have struggled to pass that exam. When I think about it, it reminded me about the irritable baby and the kid who did want to be examined. Gosh.. Of all times, it had to happen during short case. -.-!!

I guess it went okay. At least it wasn't as traumatizing as others' experiences. I am just glad that's it was over. After short case ended, that feeling of relief was the "Ahh.. finally, I want to just do nothing" one. Truth be told, I knew I had to get back to my research work which I did. I went through it on that same day till Saturday. I chose to work when my friends had already made plans to go out on Friday. Sad but in the end, I realised that I have one person who will always come for me. Mummy! The only companion who was willing to accompany me for my short breaks of lunch and dinner when I was doing my research work. She was also the one who was listening to my complaints. She had her own problems in her work place too but she tolerated my bad temper nonetheless. Sometimes, we have our small little arguments but eventually,  we are still good with each other. :)

To come to think of it, I never really had many friends or people around me whom I could just say or talk about my own stuff or just be myself especially when I'm angry or sad. It was easy for me to be happy around everyone but really talking to someone about my problems was hard. I used to have my sister to be the one whom I could just say whatever I want but I guess different time zones took that away from us. And I guess I eventually turned to mummy for all these. 

It's not that I don't have friends who are concerned about me but somehow or rather, I couldn't bring myself to do that. I did unintentionally broke down into tears or had moments where I burst into anger in front of some of them but of course,  I was quite emotionally affected at those times and I didn't like to spoil a day out with them by just talking about my problems. I didn't like to show much emotions when I'm around a lot of people nor was I a person who could express myself easily. Afterall,  I have always wanted to be that tough independent girl since secondary school. Back then, I was the naive girl who didn't know how to stand up for herself because she had a big sister who was so protective over her. Miss those days when I could count on my sister. To come to think of it, it was only since I went to KMK, I learned to be on my own. No one referred to me as the twins anymore but just my name. 

I think this is a pretty emo post and maybe the most emo I can go. Lol

Left too soon

I was lucky enough to know that the world was peaceful and almost too peaceful that I never had the experience of knowing that someone whom I know had left the world just too soon. That was only until Form 4 when I knew my class teacher passed away out of the blue, then my aunt who was in Australia and next were both of my grandmothers, and now my junior. When we thought everything was fine and normal, we have people we know who were suffering within or had an underlying disease to cope with. More unexpectedly, there are also deadly events or tragedies to appear out of nowhere.

I am still in shock to find out this. He was a great person. He was my junior in medical school and also in debate. Maybe he was too young to have passed away too soon. I last spoke to him three days ago when he called. He asked me about life in medical school, how was I coping with things and how do I see myself in the future. It was only normal for him to ask about this as he was thinking of changing course. He also told me about how he started to dislike medicine and couldn't imagine himself becoming a doctor in his future. I asked him about his parents' reaction towards his decision and he told me that they weren't very happy about it. He also asked for a senior's number to know how her working life is like as she is working in the biomedical line. 

And soon, I found out that he didn't call the senior when in fact, he called a few others to just get her number. Maybe it's not what I think it is. I am yet to find out what really happen. I wish I could have done more than this. Honestly, I was surprised to receive a call from him as I didn't talk to him for quite some time and that was during the orientation for third years. I saw the turn of events happening when he started to quit debate which was weird since he liked debate a lot. Then, changing course and now, this. Maybe those were the signs. There is a possibility that I would have been one of the last persons he talked to since nobody knew this was coming. I don't wish to experience things like this anymore but it's times like this when we start to appreciate what we have in life. Well, at least it made it clear to me about the important people and things in my life.

He was a great debater and definitely a bright student. May you find peace in heaven.

About Warm Bodies

A picture which was taken randomly by Madhaavi when I busy searching for the lab results for my case. She was bored waiting for me already.

Nope. I'm not talking about any medical stuff in this post although I can somehow relate to something medically related. It's about a movie called Warm Bodies, which I watched recently. It's about a zombie who fell in love with a girl and ate her boyfriend's brains. It was kinda expected that they would have ended up being together but that would also mean that she fell in love with her boyfriend's murderer. Lol.

It turns out that the zombies became more human and were cured when they could start to feel and dream. (corpse can't feel or dream) Interesting much. I kinda like the idea of the zombies craving for human brains because it's the closest thing that they could feel like a human again. They could re-experience the memories of that person. These zombies had no trace of their own memories since they were infected so they sort of like the idea of having feelings I guess.

Sometimes in life, it's better off being emotionless like zombies so we don't feel pain and sadness. But when we lose it, we start to appreciate the existence of it. Apart from the negative feelings, we will still have the brighter side of emotions which we all like to have.

Looking at sick patients in wards everyday and recently knowing that one of my course mates was diagnosed with a disease that's unimaginable, made me realise that we are all still humans and that we all stand a chance in developing a disease out of nowhere at anytime. Appreciate what we have today perhaps regardless of good or bad experiences we are facing today. :)

Time to get uncomfortable

That's when we went to Meeples with Yeng. The picture is just a random one. :)

Now that Ling is back at US, we all go back to our old routine including Ling who hates to get back to reality apparently. Don't worry. You'll do fine. :)

Lately, I have this thought of travelling to places. It's kinda odd for a girl who used to hate travelling a lot. For someone who has lived with motion sickness, it's really quite scary to think about transportation when travelling really far. I dislike travelling by buses, air planes and to a certain extent, ferries. Sometimes, travelling in a car makes me sick too. I hated the journey to Fraser's Hill and Genting Highlands. I found out that I don't feel sick when I am the one driving though. There's a medical explanation for that. Lol.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to finally travel to places and I'm eyeing on Europe (although I won't be going there anytime soon, probably few years down the road) Hehe. Yes, I was pretty much influenced by my friends who travelled there. I know what's running in Ling's head now when she reads this. YES! :P

But, that wasn't the sole reason for me. I used to think that it's really a waste of money to go travel but now, I just feel like enjoying life and do something out of my comfort zone. Yes, I will accept the challenge to feel uneasy while travelling. They say if you want to change, you have to be willing to be uncomfortable. :)

So much of lost times

She has been back for almost a month and by the time we realised time flew too fast, she will be leaving again soon. Well, she didn't come back for no reason. She had to do her internship her so, both of us got our own things to do. As much as I wish I could spend more time with her, I have to get things done for myself too. Just realised that she still has another month here. Yay! :D

Recently, I came across this article because most of my friends have been posting it so I can't help it but to just see what was it about. It's about things that medical students and doctors need to leave behind. I don't really agree with all of them but to a certain extent, it's maybe true after all. People say you'll need to sacrifice certain things for something else. Yea, we don't have all the time in the world, do we? :(

I think I was well-informed about this life that I'm about to go through and honestly, I did regret bit. Not that I don't like being a part of the medical profession, it's just that I can't picture myself like any other human beings anymore. Everything in my life after this will be influenced by my job and by my interest in continuing this life-long never ending studying thing. I'll start apologizing to my family and friends for being such a jerk for not turning up in future meet ups. Lol.

I still remember an incident during one of the ward rounds in O&G. There was a patient who is the same age as all of us and just had a baby. The professor realised this and said, "See, people are already making plans for their lives, why are you all still doing here?" LOL. Glad that I'm not attached to anyone for now. I don't know if anyone is willing to go through these times with me when they can always opt for a more ordinary lady. If I ever did, sorry honey. Lol.

Oh well, future is never bleak if you've got a reason to continue believing that you're doing something meaningful and hopefully something great comes out of it. :)

The Fruitful Wait

Elections are over. Exams are over. The wait for results are over. Had to wait extra long for my results because UKM has this system where they'll hold your results till the students paid for their school fees. Yup, I have officially become the "pelajar yang paling banyak kali tidak selesaikan hutang" or just one of them. I was victimized by a system which takes forever to clear my debt. Complicated but I have actually paid my debt. True that. The good thing is my results are always confidential lol. The bad, I need the extra patience to get them. After the long wait, whatever anxiety I had only came back when I finally got to talk to one of the office people. Finally made it to 4th year! :D

Will be starting off with psychiatry. Just let me get through 4th year and I'm so close to UKM MD! And with high hopes, I'll be able to visit Ling in the States next year. :)

Time to age

My mum thinks that I should start being more like a lady. Yup, that means wearing dresses and make-up. Not that I don't or never wear them, just never had these habits like other girls do. I do like dressing up but sometimes it's really about the mood and of course the occasion.  Sometimes, I just don't feel like putting on a dress 'cause it's not right. (If you girls get what I'm saying lol). Maybe I like plain and simple but yea that's just me not wanting to admit to my mum that it's kinda troublesome wearing dresses 'cause it feels so restricted in it. Yes, I also need to learn how to walk like a lady. :P

Now about the make-up, I never really like them. Why go all the trouble putting powder on your face and worry whether it's evenly applied or not? Or taking hours to draw lines at one of the most sensitive areas of your eyes? It may seem nice or worth it but the thoughts bothering me the most would be, why are girls expected to use cosmetics at a certain age? It's not sad to see even young girls like teenagers have also started using them, not wrong truthfully but it's the idea that subject girls to somewhat achieve a standard of looks which is accepted by society. Probably this is why girls are so concerned about their outer beauty.  

I personally do think that physical appearance does affect the kind of impression we portray ourselves to other people. This applies to guys too but somehow the effect of the societal perception is just more prevalent among girls.  Just me suddenly having my moments as a feminist.

Wearing make-up does make one look older in my opinion lol. And after getting a remark from a sales assistant in a boutique saying that I look like a Form 5 kid to her, I think it's time to agree with my mum that I should try wearing make-up just to look like my age. I wished I was 18 but I'm not. Just listen to my mum then. :)