Just say and be whatever

Finally, my days in Paediatrics are over. It's not like I didn't like the posting or kids but it was quite a scary posting. Knowing that the chances of failing the short case was high, anyone in that position would have struggled to pass that exam. When I think about it, it reminded me about the irritable baby and the kid who did want to be examined. Gosh.. Of all times, it had to happen during short case. -.-!!

I guess it went okay. At least it wasn't as traumatizing as others' experiences. I am just glad that's it was over. After short case ended, that feeling of relief was the "Ahh.. finally, I want to just do nothing" one. Truth be told, I knew I had to get back to my research work which I did. I went through it on that same day till Saturday. I chose to work when my friends had already made plans to go out on Friday. Sad but in the end, I realised that I have one person who will always come for me. Mummy! The only companion who was willing to accompany me for my short breaks of lunch and dinner when I was doing my research work. She was also the one who was listening to my complaints. She had her own problems in her work place too but she tolerated my bad temper nonetheless. Sometimes, we have our small little arguments but eventually,  we are still good with each other. :)

To come to think of it, I never really had many friends or people around me whom I could just say or talk about my own stuff or just be myself especially when I'm angry or sad. It was easy for me to be happy around everyone but really talking to someone about my problems was hard. I used to have my sister to be the one whom I could just say whatever I want but I guess different time zones took that away from us. And I guess I eventually turned to mummy for all these. 

It's not that I don't have friends who are concerned about me but somehow or rather, I couldn't bring myself to do that. I did unintentionally broke down into tears or had moments where I burst into anger in front of some of them but of course,  I was quite emotionally affected at those times and I didn't like to spoil a day out with them by just talking about my problems. I didn't like to show much emotions when I'm around a lot of people nor was I a person who could express myself easily. Afterall,  I have always wanted to be that tough independent girl since secondary school. Back then, I was the naive girl who didn't know how to stand up for herself because she had a big sister who was so protective over her. Miss those days when I could count on my sister. To come to think of it, it was only since I went to KMK, I learned to be on my own. No one referred to me as the twins anymore but just my name. 

I think this is a pretty emo post and maybe the most emo I can go. Lol