The Getaway

My fifth year started for almost a month already and I am still no where near my books. Lol. Well, technically it's time for my research to finalise. Having an entire 7 weeks solely for that sort of made people taking it really easy. Honestly, I wanted to focus on my research especially after the time when I knew I was not able to go to the States for Ling's graduation.

Then, came the late notice for Royals. It sounds crazy to suddenly go all the way to Sabah for a debate competition but I went for it. A lot of people didn't understand why I did it. they kept asking me questions like, "Do you really like debate that much?" and "How about your SSM (research)?" Although we didn't make it far for Royals, I was proud of my juniors for their effort. By the way, I was the most senior person among the English debaters and was told to take care of my adik-adik sekalian. I realised time had passed so much that I am now a senior to these little kids. To be a senior wasn't easy as I have my self-management issues. I doubted whether I could manage things myself because my parents were not around at the same time when I was going to Sabah. I thought about expenses, groceries and laundry. It is not like I didn't do these things but it somehow felt different. I managed to spend time with my dear juniors and of course, knew them better. We went out to explore places in Sabah. Oops.. I don't think other seniors would have allowed them to skip those rounds but hey, we were in Sabah. We couldn't visit many places since time was very limited. We managed to go to the Philippines Market and karaoke at a mall nearby.

A day after I came back from Royals, my parents came back from the States. A few hours later, I left for Tioman. My mum was sad to see her daughter leaving again when she just got back. This time I went with the senior debaters. I was the only one still studying in UKM while most of them are working already. This was the time when I felt like I was actually in a vacation because we didn't really rush for things except for the ferry on the last day. We played a lot of mind games and of course, our traditional game, Murderer! It was my first time snorkelling. I still don't think swimming is my kind of thing but I promise that I will give it a try.

I did regret leaving the research to my group mates but I would not have changed my decision. Probably this was the time for me to just run away from the troubles in reality. When I got back, I have been really busy with research that I almost forgot one of my closest friends' birthday. I am starting to think that I will be a workaholic when I start working. When that happens, I will be the terrible person who is so oblivious towards people around me. No… :/

I am trying not to be that person. I hope not. I still believe that every single day should be appreciated especially those times spent with loved ones. I wouldn't trade that for anything. :)

Wo Hau Taiwan

Still can't believe I went to Taiwan with these people. After staying in Taiwan for almost 2 weeks, I think it's a nice place but deep down I know I can't survive here. I miss Malaysia when I was there.

I had quite a hard time remembering names in Mandarin and communicating with the locals. Thankfully for the friends who translated very well for me to make sure that I understood what was written and spoken.

We lit up a lantern at Shifen! Got that right! But, I can't remember which day was it already.

I remember spending 4 days in Taipei before we head to Damsui, Beitou, Sun Moon Lake, Nantou, Chiayi, Taichung, Hualien and New Taipei, all in that order. I had to refer to our self-made itinerary to recall these places. Lol.

In Taipei alone, there were so many places. We spent our last day back in Taipei because the airport is there. Believe it or not, I remembered the places better after surveying the magnets Ling wanted. I bought u magnets based on the more popular places I remember. :P

The weather is ever-changing. We were freezing cold when we arrived at Taipei and when we went all the way up to Alishan. It was hot like in Malaysia when we were at Sun Moon Lake. And it finally rained when we were at New Taipei. It was raining when we lit up the lantern. (Shifen is part of New Taipei)

The food was fine. We tasted bad ones and some really good ones. Couldn't really help much in other aspects so I was the one who researched on food in the night markets we planned to go. Not a foodie but yea it was helpful sometimes. I think the milk tea is nice. Other than that, the best foods for me are those I bought from their 7-elevens especially those lunch boxes. They even have pei tan porridge and shu shi in their 7-elevens! The fruit jelly sold in 7-eleven is nice too. They also have herbal eggs boiling in pots in their 7-elevens. I wished those were in Malaysia. I like the ha gau in Hualien too. The siew loong pau there had a thicker skin and I could hardly taste the soup.

Apart from that, I was really taken away by their punctuality and the organised public transport. Although, I had a communication breakdown with the workers there when my Easy Card (it's like Touch N' Go in Malaysia) failed me at one of the MRT stations, I think it's so convenient for their people to travel. They hardly have traffic jams or at least I didn't see any. It's difficult for people like me who can't read. Lol.

It was worth visiting other places I guess. Travelling does open up my mind in certain things. I realised the importance of embracing my mother tongue. I am still learning but at a slow pace. Not many people understand why a Chinese can't speak and read Chinese. When I was there, they spoke to me in Mandarin but sadly, I could only engage in simple conversations. There was this one occasion where an uncle spoke Hokkien to me. I could reply but when he started telling me stories, I couldn't understand anymore. They have this unspoken rule about keeping the left side a fast lane in escalators. They will scold you for blocking their way if you stood there or walk real slow there. Almost everyone there has an Easy Card which saves a lot of time. They will tell you not to drink or eat in the MRT and when I say they, it maybe just a random auntie or a random kid telling you this. I don't know if it happens in other places too but I do see many locals taking out their pet dogs for walks and some are really groomed well.

Are their things cheap? Some of the foods are because they come in small portions. Some clothes are really cheap too but like in Times Square, you can't try them. I think it varies in different places too. You will have to do the bargaining like in Malaysia to get a cheaper price.

Apart from that, if you're planning to go there, don't be surprised to see many Malaysians there. Singaporeans, Japanese and Koreans like to visit Taiwan too. I had Taiwanese thinking that I was from Hong Kong because Adeline was translating the menu to me in Cantonese. I met a Singaporean girl who thought I was a Singaporean too. My Manglish accent sounded like her Singlish I guess. We, Malaysians are so difficult for others to guess where we are from. Lol.

The Runway to Final Year

That's Chris, my junior buddy and I in our very own college dinner. Fashionista Night was the theme for the dinner. Fashionista Night was last Saturday and it was after my 4th year finals which made it part of the relieving moments after the hard core studying for exams period. It was my very first time attending a college dinner since I always had other things to do during those dinners. Glad that I could make it for this one. :)

Anyway, I just got my results today at around 6pm. By far, this was the latest time ever the results were announced. Anxiety, palpitations, panic attacks, butterflies in the stomach, loss of appetite. Those were the things my batch mates and I had before receiving the results. I guess I felt the same but I was always trying to be positive about everything. I also was being very objective about myself because I knew what I did back there. Lol. I didn't think I have done a great job but it was definitely my best. Thankfully, I made it! :)

But deep down, I knew I was in deep shit. Everyone was like yay final year! I took a second and thought oh shit! Being a final year is like one more year to becoming a real doctor. I don't think I am any way close to becoming one. This is it? Here comes the most critical time of a medical student. Yay?

Apart from that,  I have friends who were still unfortunate to make it to final year yet and I am sure they would be able to. Been there done that, I know how much it hurts. It somehow felt like you're the worst ever student and sometimes you start questioning yourself whether you're gonna continue doing this. I did lose faith, lost hope and isolated myself but the most important thing was to be yourself. I had to fix myself. Such a mess.

I will be leaving for a Ni-Hao-Ma land soon. Should have practiced more mandarin when I could. Hello Taiwan! :D

Patience tested

I was doing the usual thing in the clinic today. Talking to patients and trying to get a history out of it. Then presenting it to the doctors. Sometimes becoming a translator. Yup, everyone assumes a chinese to know chinese. So yea,  I was there to translate sometimes but people who have known me would have figured that there is a limit to my chinese language. I can try cantonese, hokkien and mandarin but I am gonna admit that it is a struggle to speak my own mother tongue. So, I do get help from my friends who can do better than me.

There was this elderly lady who came for follow-up alone. I pitied her really. I appeared to be the only one who could communicate with her so yea I was there translating actually. She took quite some time in the clinic just because nobody knew what was happening. Didn't know what her financial status was or whether she has gotten the treatment. Her kids were all working and busy I guess. She gave us a notebook and her phone. To my dismay, it was all in chinese characters. Got a friend to help search the numbers and finally called her son-in-law. The peak of my patience was when I spoke to him and the only question he was interested to ask was, "Do I have to pay?" Obviously isn't it? And worst of all, he kept saying that they are not staying with her and she is not my mother. I was like.. what on earth did the old lady do to you? Isn't she your family? No words came out to express those thoughts in my head though.

I told him off but was also trying not to be offensive. This is a situation that I can't avoid being offensive but I am really trying here to make things sound reasonable. Explaining that this poor mother-in-law of yours needs medication and she doesn't know who's paying for it but she has gotten her welfare approval for her medication. Could you all kindly come accompany her here next time? After all she's old and illiterate, and most important of all, she's suffering from pain because no medication was given to her.

I was furious really. At the same time, I was amazed with my cantonese. Struggling to search up words in my limited vocabulary of chinese but I managed to speak somehow. Thank God. I hope I helped her for today at least.

Lesson was to accompany your parents to the clinic. What harm would it make to take a day off to accompany your parents? From then on, I made a deal with myself to accompany my mother and father to see the doctor or at least have my siblings there with them.

Hopes in 2014

Being 23 this year and knowing that I will be 30 soon before I even know, this is not cool. Lol. I am still here studying. 2013 was a year of finding what I really want in life and falling in love with what I am currently doing.

The list of things for 2014:

1. Pass my exams.
2. Travel to places.

3. A new house for my family. :)

4. Just to add some fun to it. Do YOLO stuffs like going for bungee jumping or trying some new things.
5. Be more girly. My mum's wish all along.
6. Spending more time with my family.
7. Forgive the past and live for the future.
8. Stay healthy and be safe.
9. Less Facebook-ing unless necessary.
10. Saving money.

And our birthday was yesterday. Not feeling very excited about birthdays but it was nice to spend it with friends. And they pulled it out very nice for me. Thank you! :)

Everything was nice but I thought it was a little exaggerated. If this were to happen when I was in my teen years, I would have been the happiest person. I don't know maybe if it's me getting old. I now prefer the sweet and quiet moments. It doesn't have to be in an expensive place or with a big moment of flowers.

My treasures for 2014. :)

Meaningful Christmas

It's Christmas and new year again! And also Dong Zhi or what I like to call the Tong Yuen Festival. This year end is definitely different with Ah Kong/Grandpa leaving us on the 22nd after a heart attack in the middle of the night. He had been in and out of the hospital for many times recently and I guess we all sort of knew but we didn't think that it was gonna be on that day. Life's like this. And we gotta move on with it so, enough about the sad news.

Even though Christmas this year is a sad one for my family, I wish to remind myself about the good things that happen. A handmade snow globe by one of close friends or "heng dai"-s in UKM, Tan Yuet Yang. This crazy fella made 20 of these for his friends but it did made everyone's day at least. If you ever read this blog, thank you again! :)

The above picture of a scenery is from my sister who wanted to show me snow from her place. I am guessing it's the view outside her window.:P  And another gift from my close friend, Cassy but I didn't manage to take a picture of the gingerbread she made because I ate it already. Hehe.

This is also a season for all us to remember the importance of family and friends although, I am quite lousy when it comes to people. Catching up with family and friends or trying to create conversation with a long-time-no-see person is really difficult. I guess I am a really socially awkward person. :/

Nevertheless, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Maybe it's Ah Kong way of reminding us about Dong Zhi Festival and Christmas. May you rest in peace. :)

Just say and be whatever

Finally, my days in Paediatrics are over. It's not like I didn't like the posting or kids but it was quite a scary posting. Knowing that the chances of failing the short case was high, anyone in that position would have struggled to pass that exam. When I think about it, it reminded me about the irritable baby and the kid who did want to be examined. Gosh.. Of all times, it had to happen during short case. -.-!!

I guess it went okay. At least it wasn't as traumatizing as others' experiences. I am just glad that's it was over. After short case ended, that feeling of relief was the "Ahh.. finally, I want to just do nothing" one. Truth be told, I knew I had to get back to my research work which I did. I went through it on that same day till Saturday. I chose to work when my friends had already made plans to go out on Friday. Sad but in the end, I realised that I have one person who will always come for me. Mummy! The only companion who was willing to accompany me for my short breaks of lunch and dinner when I was doing my research work. She was also the one who was listening to my complaints. She had her own problems in her work place too but she tolerated my bad temper nonetheless. Sometimes, we have our small little arguments but eventually,  we are still good with each other. :)

To come to think of it, I never really had many friends or people around me whom I could just say or talk about my own stuff or just be myself especially when I'm angry or sad. It was easy for me to be happy around everyone but really talking to someone about my problems was hard. I used to have my sister to be the one whom I could just say whatever I want but I guess different time zones took that away from us. And I guess I eventually turned to mummy for all these. 

It's not that I don't have friends who are concerned about me but somehow or rather, I couldn't bring myself to do that. I did unintentionally broke down into tears or had moments where I burst into anger in front of some of them but of course,  I was quite emotionally affected at those times and I didn't like to spoil a day out with them by just talking about my problems. I didn't like to show much emotions when I'm around a lot of people nor was I a person who could express myself easily. Afterall,  I have always wanted to be that tough independent girl since secondary school. Back then, I was the naive girl who didn't know how to stand up for herself because she had a big sister who was so protective over her. Miss those days when I could count on my sister. To come to think of it, it was only since I went to KMK, I learned to be on my own. No one referred to me as the twins anymore but just my name. 

I think this is a pretty emo post and maybe the most emo I can go. Lol

Left too soon

I was lucky enough to know that the world was peaceful and almost too peaceful that I never had the experience of knowing that someone whom I know had left the world just too soon. That was only until Form 4 when I knew my class teacher passed away out of the blue, then my aunt who was in Australia and next were both of my grandmothers, and now my junior. When we thought everything was fine and normal, we have people we know who were suffering within or had an underlying disease to cope with. More unexpectedly, there are also deadly events or tragedies to appear out of nowhere.

I am still in shock to find out this. He was a great person. He was my junior in medical school and also in debate. Maybe he was too young to have passed away too soon. I last spoke to him three days ago when he called. He asked me about life in medical school, how was I coping with things and how do I see myself in the future. It was only normal for him to ask about this as he was thinking of changing course. He also told me about how he started to dislike medicine and couldn't imagine himself becoming a doctor in his future. I asked him about his parents' reaction towards his decision and he told me that they weren't very happy about it. He also asked for a senior's number to know how her working life is like as she is working in the biomedical line. 

And soon, I found out that he didn't call the senior when in fact, he called a few others to just get her number. Maybe it's not what I think it is. I am yet to find out what really happen. I wish I could have done more than this. Honestly, I was surprised to receive a call from him as I didn't talk to him for quite some time and that was during the orientation for third years. I saw the turn of events happening when he started to quit debate which was weird since he liked debate a lot. Then, changing course and now, this. Maybe those were the signs. There is a possibility that I would have been one of the last persons he talked to since nobody knew this was coming. I don't wish to experience things like this anymore but it's times like this when we start to appreciate what we have in life. Well, at least it made it clear to me about the important people and things in my life.

He was a great debater and definitely a bright student. May you find peace in heaven.

About Warm Bodies

A picture which was taken randomly by Madhaavi when I busy searching for the lab results for my case. She was bored waiting for me already.

Nope. I'm not talking about any medical stuff in this post although I can somehow relate to something medically related. It's about a movie called Warm Bodies, which I watched recently. It's about a zombie who fell in love with a girl and ate her boyfriend's brains. It was kinda expected that they would have ended up being together but that would also mean that she fell in love with her boyfriend's murderer. Lol.

It turns out that the zombies became more human and were cured when they could start to feel and dream. (corpse can't feel or dream) Interesting much. I kinda like the idea of the zombies craving for human brains because it's the closest thing that they could feel like a human again. They could re-experience the memories of that person. These zombies had no trace of their own memories since they were infected so they sort of like the idea of having feelings I guess.

Sometimes in life, it's better off being emotionless like zombies so we don't feel pain and sadness. But when we lose it, we start to appreciate the existence of it. Apart from the negative feelings, we will still have the brighter side of emotions which we all like to have.

Looking at sick patients in wards everyday and recently knowing that one of my course mates was diagnosed with a disease that's unimaginable, made me realise that we are all still humans and that we all stand a chance in developing a disease out of nowhere at anytime. Appreciate what we have today perhaps regardless of good or bad experiences we are facing today. :)

So much of lost times

She has been back for almost a month and by the time we realised time flew too fast, she will be leaving again soon. Well, she didn't come back for no reason. She had to do her internship her so, both of us got our own things to do. As much as I wish I could spend more time with her, I have to get things done for myself too. Just realised that she still has another month here. Yay! :D

Recently, I came across this article because most of my friends have been posting it so I can't help it but to just see what was it about. It's about things that medical students and doctors need to leave behind. I don't really agree with all of them but to a certain extent, it's maybe true after all. People say you'll need to sacrifice certain things for something else. Yea, we don't have all the time in the world, do we? :(

I think I was well-informed about this life that I'm about to go through and honestly, I did regret bit. Not that I don't like being a part of the medical profession, it's just that I can't picture myself like any other human beings anymore. Everything in my life after this will be influenced by my job and by my interest in continuing this life-long never ending studying thing. I'll start apologizing to my family and friends for being such a jerk for not turning up in future meet ups. Lol.

I still remember an incident during one of the ward rounds in O&G. There was a patient who is the same age as all of us and just had a baby. The professor realised this and said, "See, people are already making plans for their lives, why are you all still doing here?" LOL. Glad that I'm not attached to anyone for now. I don't know if anyone is willing to go through these times with me when they can always opt for a more ordinary lady. If I ever did, sorry honey. Lol.

Oh well, future is never bleak if you've got a reason to continue believing that you're doing something meaningful and hopefully something great comes out of it. :)

The Fruitful Wait

Elections are over. Exams are over. The wait for results are over. Had to wait extra long for my results because UKM has this system where they'll hold your results till the students paid for their school fees. Yup, I have officially become the "pelajar yang paling banyak kali tidak selesaikan hutang" or just one of them. I was victimized by a system which takes forever to clear my debt. Complicated but I have actually paid my debt. True that. The good thing is my results are always confidential lol. The bad, I need the extra patience to get them. After the long wait, whatever anxiety I had only came back when I finally got to talk to one of the office people. Finally made it to 4th year! :D

Will be starting off with psychiatry. Just let me get through 4th year and I'm so close to UKM MD! And with high hopes, I'll be able to visit Ling in the States next year. :)

Old and Boring

I'm becoming old and boring already at 22 (according to some of my friends, 2013). I actually do agree lol. I know this is gonna sound funny to some people but yea, I think being old and boring is kinda sweet. :)

On 10th January 2013, everything was like the other birthdays where I start getting messages and calls from my friends. Got a call from Ling too! There was the time where I will stop facebook-ing because of the never ending notifications. I still got a lot of posts on my timeline yet to be replied. Yes, I read and comment on every single posts because I like reading them. Lol. Thanks for all the calls, messages and posts. They are all so sweet! 

As for this year, I didn't wish for a grand or big celebration (this is the weird part but it's true). I think it's because it was tiring in the weekdays and I start to appreciate what peace and serenity really mean.  I just wanted to have a break on my birthday but it was on a Thursday. It was the usual day going to wards. Went shopping with Isaac (he just wanted to drag the time and it worked lol) and went out for dinner with my UKM friends. I was surprised on my birthday for having all of them except Ying Xin (she should be studying :P) to make it when they told me that not everyone is coming! Ta-daa! Cassy, Adeline and Yuet Yang came all the way from Beranang for my birthday. Aww.. so touched! 

Got presents. Hehe. Haven't opened them though. Spent a short time with my mum but it's good enough because now I'm back home! She can have me for herself now. 

The twist for the day was the ending where all of us ended up in the police station. LOL. Lesson learnt. Nope, we were not caught vandalizing or stealing but it was the Sandy's tragedy! Poor fella hit a car so we all accompanied him to make the police report in the middle of the night. That reminds me of the other poor victim in an accident I met recently. My apologies and prayers for them. *pray hard*

On the day before, I had another celebration. I was lucky enough to have come if not, I wouldn't have gotten the comfy pillow thing for my neck. Something that I wanted but never wanted to buy. Lol. Thanks to the debaters! 

I'm happy for having wonderful people around me. I may not know how to express myself sometimes but I'm really grateful. That reminds me of a wedding speech circulating in my Facebook feeds. I should have done that for my birthday to thank all of them but I don't think I can pull it off well enough like how he did. Watch it when you have the time!

That's all for my birthday post! :)

End of the world? Nope, it's just 2013.

Even if it was the end of the world, I would have led my life like usual. I would have gotten my assignments done if I had any or study for exams if there was. Whatever it is, here comes 2013! :D

Again, Ling is busy enjoying herself in places I couldn't go lol so I will do the new post before she does. What went down in 2012? It was the start of my clinical years. It was also the year where I finally have something to say in my surgical history if anyone would clerked me as a patient. Yup, I went through a surgery and not many people know about this. It's just a petty thing called fibrolipoma. Met a minor accident but I wasn't injured. Went for trips during my breaks (Melaka with my KMK sisters, Fraser's Hill and Langkawi with my UKM friends). Debated in my very first international tournament. Starting to cook by myself. Knowing how to drive to Semenyih. Tried bangs for a change. Found close friends. Several ups and downs but it turned out to be okay in the end.

My new year resolutions:
1.No failures in exams anymore. That means I will be studying more often lol.
2.Speaking mandarin and improving my chinese
3.Jogging in the weekends or whenever appropriate
4.Being the filial child as much as I can. Be there for my family when I can
5.Improving my cooking skills

This list looks more reasonable that the ones last year. See so much of practicality in this one lol. Grown to be wiser and smarter. I'm going to embrace 2013 with no hate and regrets. We only live life once so don't worry it away. Do things while you can. :)

The Pioneer

It was on 15 December 2012. Finally it became a reality. Personally, an accomplishment for me. I never knew it was that difficult to start off something although I was well informed that it ain't gonna be easy. And soon, I knew lol. The process of making this real was not as smooth as I thought it would have been. Thank you to all who have helped to make this a successful event especially to my committee members and also to my seniors who trusted me on this (I bet they had sleepless nights too lol-sorry for the worries and troubles). The ups and downs were never ending. At one point, I doubted myself whether it would actually happen for real. Glad it did. :)

Being the pioneer wasn't easy but I always believe that there's the brighter side to everything. For me, it was for my juniors. People say we don't work for ourselves but we work for our children. Here it means I'm the parent instead (omg, I feel so much like a parent now. Yes, I can be very protective over people I care about lol). It may not be the right saying to depict what I really wanna say but the principle is the same.

I knew that I wasn't the best example or the best leader to be looked up upon but my intentions are clear. I failed to please everyone. I just like to get things done my way. I did try to keep my cool and learn to deal with things in a calmer manner. When I think back, I'd rather it to have this event than something else that's not gonna work. At least, I have the taste of it and soon I will need to guide my juniors on this.

It was a great feeling but definitely exhausting. In the end, what matters most was having people to enjoy on that day and gain something from it. Let's see how it goes next year. :)

In a small place called Beranang

After going through the tough times in surgery and O&G postings, it was finally time for JKM or w what they call the Medicine and Society posting. We were all posted to a place called Beranang which is kinda near Semenyih. Had a great time there although I did spend a LOT of time travelling to KL, Cheras and sometimes to Bangi. All because of a medical debate (That's another story to be told lol). 

Anyway, I've learned to understand how things work in a kampung and also how to mingle with my coursemates. I guess it was because of this posting, I started to have more friends other than those from my usual hangout friends in UKM. And yes, I will definitely remember those times here-the never ending presentations, the hot days during survey, the times in the kitchen helping out to cook, the times I went out with my friends, the pasar malam nights and of course the generosity of the villagers.:)

The intervention program group photo taken at the Balai Raya of Kampung Sungai Jai.

All of us before leaving PULAKEM (Pusat Latihan Khidmat Masyarakat UKM)

Adios JKM! Here comes my final posting for my 3rd year. Internal Medicine! :) *praying for wisdom and luck*

Halfway there

I am officially 2.5 years away from my ever long course! No retakes please! I thought I was a free bird after exams but things came up. Oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do. It's an approved proposal of a debate tournament. Yes, will be hosting one soon. It's gonna be big! Just bigger than what we initially planned. As for plans with friends, I will most likely be making my mark on the sands of Langkawi. ;)

Who's cooking? :P

Yay! It's finally Raya so that means holidays for me! And guess what? I have been trying to cook for the past few days in my college and it's for real. That was my first time making a meal. (excluding the times I helped my mum and Ling out) And yes, it is as shown in the picture above. Rice and the-supposed-sui-tan. (steamed egg) The rice was a bit wet. Too much water I guess. As for the egg..ermm.. I didn't know I was supposed to add water so yea, it didn't turned out to be as smooth as it should have been. Lol. Oh well..better try next time then. Ate it all up with a tin of Ayam Brands sardin in olive oil, whatever that's called. Hahaha... basically wraps up what I did for my first cooking.

Then, I decided to make up for my failed attempt. So, here goes nothing. My second attempt was still not so good. :P

 The rice was too wet. Too much of water again. 

 Decided to try making omelette this time. Turned up to be tasteless. 

 The back-up dish to compensate for the tasteless dinner. Not forgetting the soy sauce and pepper. Lol.

Finally, nothing was left in the end. *burps* 

More attempts to come and I believe there's always room for improvement. If there's anyone who is willing to take me for cooking lessons, I would be happy to have you to teach me. ;) 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Even though I am feeling the pinch of clinical years now, I still think it's nice to take a break once in awhile. Medical students have no life. Hmm.. yea kinda true actually. Lol. Oh well, things are much more different now. Everything you do in the hospital appears to be knowledge and will be tested. Case write up is a headache. All I do is sit and type and of course refer to books for references. Finally, got into my nerd self after so long. Ward round is like a nightmare for us. It is like being interrogated in front of the whole team consisting of the most knowledgeable people around, the professors to the least prominent people around, the medical students. Sometimes, we don't get interrogated so it's luck really.

Just did my long case assessment and it wasn't as pretty as I wished it would have been. Lol. Knowing who was going to assess me, I have already predicted the worst that could happen. I knew it was just the matter of how hard it will really hit me and how long can I hold back my tears. So yea, it hit me really hard and the worst just happened. I broke into tears. >.<

It was unintentional. Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe I am a crybaby. Maybe I was just weak. And whatever you wanna call it, that was only so much I can take. I know this is not the worst of the worst encounters I will ever face. I know I should have been stronger than this for the worst is yet to come. I just hope that I will be prepared.

After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stonger. :)

A new start

Here I am in HUKM for almost a month already! I got the excitement of facing the real things rather than medical books only after a couple of weeks here. I blamed the papers I had to take during the holidays. Probably that's why the transition took way longer in me myself. Not to mention that I am really glad for passing the papers at the end because the process of going through them all over again was like a painful heartache. Unimaginable and I will probably remember this for the rest of my life. No doubt. I sincerely wanna thank those who helped me through this. Thanks really! :)

I even managed to take part in a debate tournament last week. The first international tournament for me. A great one. :) Not like I accomplished anything there nor was I satisfied with my own performance, I guess it's the experience that counts. Yea, whatever. Haha.

So, back to how I feel about being n this whole new environment, ermm.. okay I guess. I don't know how to say this but I guess a bad memory will always remain a scar deep within yourself. No matter how much you wanna disguise it, it's still there to remind you about the bad stuff. People say clinical years are much, much, much more different and all. To me, I really wish I could make it through even though I was terrible in my pre-clinical years. Take this as a challenge and a test to better myself. For better, for worse, I am here for whatever it is.:)

An early new year post

Since I'm rather free and awake at the moment, I will do the new year post. Ling, have fun in Disneyland and Miami ya! Waiting to hear stories from you! ;)

So, what's interesting here in 2011 before we talk about 2012? There are many interesting things:

Becoming a sophomore (only the fact that I can see myself more matured and believe me, it does scare me sometimes. Lol).

Catching up with good old friends and spending time with new ones. Yup definitely nice. The times at Modiva although I am not into alcoholic drinks, I just like to meet up with the long-time-no-see people. Little did I know that many of my school friends could drink already. I mean they have tried many times. Haha! And the times I spent with the debaters for Secret Santa and also at Beatrice's house. It makes me feel so attached to Christmas somehow. And at this very moment, the UKM teams are now in Philippines fighting all out in World's! *keeping my fingers crossed for them* Talking about UKM, I had a great time with my gang. All the times we spent for birthdays and also outings after end of module exam were splendid! And to people who are dear to me, thank you for making my day all the time and for all the little things you have done. I appreciate it a lot. :)

Here comes 2012,

Many people say it's the end of the very world we live in. Somehow, I don't feel like it is. One because I have things to cherish here. Second, I was too caught up with my own things and forgot about the worldly matters. LOL. But still, what would be the last thing you ever wish for? Or what would you do to make no regrets in living?

Not that I have thought much about it but yea something to think through and I think it helps in making new year's resolutions. I'm still thinking about it. Have you? I do know one person with a very nice list of resolutions already. It kinda drives me to think about my own. :)