Speak Now

I am not the kind of girl,
Who should be rudely bargin' in on a white veil
occasion,
But you are not the kind of boy,
Who should be marryin' the wrong girl,

I sneak in and see your friends,
And her snotty little family, all dressed in pastel,
And she is yelling at a bridesmaid,
Somewhere back inside a room,
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry,
This is surely not what you thought it would be,
I loose myself in a daydream,
Where I stand and say:

"Don't say yes, run away now,
I'll meet you when you're out,
Of the church at the back door,
Don't wait or say a single vow,
You need to hear me out,"
And they said, "Speak now,"

Fun gestures are exchanged,
And the organ starts to play
A song that sounds like a death march,
And I am hiding in the curtains,
It seems I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be,
She floats down the isle like a pageant queen,
But I know you wish it was me,
You wish it was me, don't you?

Don't say yes, run away now,
I'll meet you when you're out,
Of the church at the back door,
Don't wait or say a single vow,

You need to hear me out,
And they said, "Speak now,"
Don't say yes, run away now,
I'll meet you when you're out,
Of the church at the back door,
Don't wait or say a single vow,
Your time is running out,
And they said, "Speak now,"

I hear the preacher say,
"Speak now or forever hold your peace,"
There's a silence, there's my last chance,
I stand up with shaking hands,
All eyes on me,
Horrified looks from everyone in the room,
But I'm only lookin' at you,

I am not the kind of girl,
Who should be rudely bargin' in on a white veil
occasion,
But you are not the kind of boy,
Who should be marryin' the wrong girl,

So don't say yes, run away now,
I'll meet you when you're out,
Of the church at the back door,
Don't wait or say a single vow,
You need to hear me out,
And they said, "Speak now,"

And you say,
"Let's run away now,
I'll meet you when I'm out of my tux at the back door,
Baby, I didn't say my vows,
So glad you were around when they said, "Speak now,"

[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/t/taylor-swift-lyrics/speak-now-lyrics.html]

I kinda like this song because of its lyrics. It is well-written by Taylor Swift. Would anyone barge in someone's wedding like that? I wonder. Lol. That person sure has a lot of guts to do that. Salute people with courage to do that before they think it is too late. Do what you think is right! :D

Out of Place

Just came back from Johor last night and now I feel kinda lost in the real world. The 5 days spent in UTHM are definitely memorable. 2010 ROYALS was awesome! Even though, I complained about a lot of stuffs there, I felt it was worth at the end of the day. My team didn't managed to get into the quarters but I was glad that at least we nearly made it. I am pretty sure all the UKM teams did their best already. Honestly, I feel really proud being a UKM debater. Our seniors were great! At least they made it into quarters and there was one team which made it into finals against UM! Congrats to all of them!

About the debate, I felt like nobody expected UKM to make it so far and most importantly put up a good fight. I salute my seniors for making what people thought was impossible possible. On the other hand, I feel really bad for my team because I felt like I contributed the least. Anyway, anyhow, what has happen is the past so no more emo-ing for me.

After ROYALS, I felt out of place. Guess I am starting to miss those times we had in ROYALS. I never regret going for it even though I know that I have a pile of work left waiting to be done-studying! Gosh.. Can I have a break? Lol.

No pictures from me in this post because I didn't take any. Anyway, it was a nice experience even without pictures from me. Long live UKM Debaters! :D

Peace?

Lying down comfortably on the couch accompanied with a hot Milo on the coffee table while reading a book, peace is the only thing that I have felt. It has been a really long time in which I had basically nothing to do or worry about. It doesn't feel like heaven nor does it feel like hell. It's just a state in which my mind not thinking about serious matters.

Feeling a little bored, I went to my room and took out the pretty little small book that my sister and my friends had made for me as memento of my younger days. It was decorated so nicely and inside were filled were words that have made me cried for several times after reading them. The first time when I looked at it and not even reading it..my tears could not stop flowing down my cheeks. And I could not even bring myself to read it. The time when I actually had a good look at it was during the long hours in plane in my journey to US. When everyone else was sleeping or reading some book quietly, I was weeping away..hahaha.Today, however, I didn't not cry at all. I went through every page and look at every picture in detail. The only thing that came to me was gratefulness of having such friends in high school. Thanks Ching, Yeng, Debbie, Prithi, Kah Wei, Julia and Irina! :)

Not forgetting to mention that the internet was down, there was nothing much that can be done for the whole day. I was lucky enough to have my iPhone with me. Connecting through some random wireless network, I managed to get on skype and facebook at least. As always, my so called "chi mui"(sister in chinese) was online..maybe he will insist on "heng tai"(brother in chinese)..lol. We talked about random things. I wasn't all that bored for a moment. Thanks ya!:P

Now here I am in the lobby of Utowers with my laptop on my lap writng this post of mine while waiting for my sister to come online. It has been 5 days since I had spoke to her and yes, I am missing her already. Having her online will definitely make my day. Ching, I am waiting! :)

Art strikes again!

Weeks back, I went for the pottery painting in the Ann Arbor Art Center which was organised by WISE(Women in Science and Enineering) club. Although I had to walk out in the cold for about 10 to 20 minutes just to get there, it was worth. I didn't think much when I had the bowl in my hand. All I had in mind was stick to simple shapes. Eventually, I have ended up drawing hearts and I took a variety of colors but I have ended up with three colors. It was a waste but I had no choice because I can't have more than one bowl. :(

Painting the bowl reminds me of those schooling times..It has certainly brought me back to those moments where I was having my art classes, being a part of the decoration team for so SO SO many events, painting banners, painting mural, designing the first-ever shirt for the prefectorial board and also, making the decorative household things in kemahiran hidup classes. aaawwww....how I had wished that I could travel back time and re-doing all of these for one more time!

I didn't get to do much of these in UNITEN though..In the first semester, I only got to decorate the FARMERS' FAMOUS booth..That was a really memorable experience being that it was the very FIRST project that all the Sime Darbians scholars got to work together. Although the project was not completed...hahahaha.. I would not trade that experience for anything else.(^.^)I was involved in the decoration team for the KOR UNITEN GRADUATION DAY. Eventhough, it was close to the finals..we didn't bother much because we had to do it anyways. I kinda enjoyed it.

That's all I guess..Okay, this is a pretty long post..I better not spend too much time here..I have FINALS coming in a few days!!! GOSH!! :(

Here are some pictures of my-very-own-painted-bowl!





I know the first picture above is ugly..HAHAHA..too bad..time had been the limiting factor..The red paint didn't turned out as red as I wanted it to be because it looks more like orange to me. Regretted for not putting in more layers. I was happy that it turned out "okay"..some parts of the bowl were not so nice but it's free. So, no complains. XD

A really busy but fun week after exams

Finally my final exam for semester 1 is over! Yay! I have been waiting to write a post after exams but I was caught up with other stuffs. So yea, what have I been up to after exams? I was spending time with my UKM friends after the torturous week of exams for the 4 modules of 1st semester. I went out after OSPE as well. I also hanged out with my KMK sisters in Sunway Pyramid. Then, I went for a debate camp in UKM Bangi. That's basically everything that I've done after exams. Lol.

This was when we went out for a movie at KLCC and had sushi after the torturous week. I was with Cassy and Ying Xin of course and the others were Chee Yew aka Sandy, Wei Ming, Vee Chuan aka Fac. King and Yin San.

This was taken after OSPE in Pavilion. We watched movie and went to Petaling Street to have dinner. It was a long day with the apartment gang. (Isaac, Ryan, Sandy, Fac King, Wei Ming). Adeline not the KMK one, haha.. Adeline Chai to be exact because there are two 'adelines' in UKM.

This lovely picture is of course my KMK sisters! In the picture from left: Adeline, me, Yiting, Allana, Hui Yi and Cindy. Even though only 6 of us could make it but it was rather successful I thought coz it was difficult to gather the whole family. This is us camwhoring in the toilet.

Next was the debate camp which was awesome! But I don't have any pictures for that coz we were too busy debating I guess. Lol. And it was because of the debate camp, Ying Xin had to stay over at my house. Nice having guest in the house! I know what kinda respond is Pauline giving right now. ;D

Hoping to have more plans during this break. hehe

I know that I am bigger.

I have been away from home for about about 3 months now and certainly, I have felt the difference. It has been for a while since people commented anything on my size ever since I was 16 years old. I do not get many "undesirable" comments like I am getting fatter, bigger or chubbier. I was only told that I am considered short. :P

When I got here, nothing was being said about my size until a few weeks ago when a friend from the same college of mine told me that my face was chubbier compared to that when I first got here. Of course, I was shocked hoping that I heard the wrong thing but no, I didn't. I was a little disappointed but that did not troubled me for the entire day.

A week after that, I met a senior of mine in the library and the first thing he told me was that "You look different. Your face look bigger." From then onwards, I was not not hoping to hear the similar comment on my face again. Truthfully, I felt like I have gain some weight too but I have not weigh myself yet. Lets hope I do not gain a lot. It is so sad to know that I have gain weight ever since I got here. :(

After receiving those "unwanted" comments, I kept on getting more and more comments from my friends who have look at my pictures and they told me the same thing about me getting bigger in size. Gosh, is it that obvious??

Just today, when Zera was video calling with Aliff, she called me over and we chatted with Aliff for a while. Guess what Aliff told me? YES, he said that I am chubbier too. Urghh...I just hope that I won't get any double chin. Please...I shall control my food intake from now onwards. :)

Just a Dream~

Now I got addicted to this song. Thanks to Pauline. lol. Anyway it is a nice song! :D
Enjoy!

Intentions?

Must every actions that we do have intentions or just mainly dependent on our wants? Is it possible for us to just do something just for the sake of helping others without hoping for rewards in the short run and also in the long run? I had these thoughts in mind but a friend of mine told me that maybe I was thinking too much and was being paranoid. He said that most probably, others weren't treating me nice hoping for a reward or anything beyond a friendship. At first, he sounded reasonable but still, I do not agree with him entirely because I believe that there should be a purpose in anything at all. He did managed to made me think that I was wrong back then because the issues that I had in mind were only entirely based on my intuition and feelings. As time passes, others begin to ask me if there was something going on and I turned out speechless knowing that my initial gut wasn't all that wrong after all. My solely based instincts somehow begin to make much more sense to me than they have ever been before. I want to believe that I was wrong and kept on insuring myself that there are still possibilities that I am not all that right because I do not have a solid prove or justification. Honestly, I want to believe it but then, it was not the first that I have came across this sort of thing and there should be a reason for me feeling that way. Feelings won't come uneasy if it's the right person doing the right thing at the right time. As for me,everything felt so out of placed and it doesn't seem right at all.

Just plain moody

The sky looked so gloomy and moody..I was somehow affected by the atmosphere as well. Everything seemed so greyish, blurry and unlively..The day ended so early..I felt like it was 8pm when it was just 6pm..The day seemed so short and nothing was bright.:(
Probably I am a person who likes the sunshine better? Just like the weather, I was not in the mood for a lot of things. I just want to have some time for myself..spacing out for a moment as one of my friends have told me. Spacing out isn't all that good either because lonely was what I have felt. I don't know why would this happened..mood swings, I am guessing. I want to be alone but I am afraid of being alone. GOSH! I know it's stupid because I have contradicting thoughts and wants. Maybe I am just plain moody. I want to see the sun shine now if possible!

Lets hope that it will get better. I don't want to be affected by the weather. Can't wait to see the sunshine.

Sleeping late + snooze button = late for class

Although I had a very tiring day yesterday with the excruciating calculus exam, studying chemistry with my study group, celebrating sin yi's birthday and finishing up my written homework for calculus(Although, I thought that I will finish it, I have one question left because I was unsure how to do it), I was wide awake until 3am or 4am..I am not sure why but I am guessing that maybe because I was hungry..hahaha..I know that I should be sleeping early because I have a class at 9am but I can't help it..I was not sleepy. Around 4.30am, I finally went to bed and sleep.

Before I knew it, the alarm started to ring..it was 7.30am. I hit the "snooze" and continue my sleep..I woke up after a while and realised that it was already 8.50am!!! It turned out that I hit the close button instead of the "snooze" button..I thought I did hit the right one..yea, for the first time in Ann Arbor, I woke up late but I can't miss that class because I had to hand in my written homework. (btw, many thanks to zera for letting me to use the bathroom..I really really appreciate it) :)

I went in the class and asked my instructor about the last question that I have not completed. After the class, here I am writing this post while trying to upload the photos but facebook is giving trouble in uploading the pics..:/

Lesson learnt: never hit the snooze button again! pauline, wake up! :P

Lucky?

A song that keeps on playing in my mind. Just want to share my thoughts..:)
Although it's not a recent song, the lyrics somewhat kept me thinking about maybe being on top is not all that lucky after all.

Life as we know it

Just watched "Life As We Know It" with my UKM friends in Pavilion yesterday. It is an interesting movie on how two different people can actually get along to take care of a baby. It is funny and enjoyable, I'll say. :D

After watching this movie, I was wondering whether it is possible for people of opposite characters to get together. It is somewhat true like what we normally see in series, anime and movies but what about in real life? Does it actually apply as well?

Personally, I think it might happen because I believe these things should come naturally and I assume it to be beyond our control. That's why we don't really get to choose our life partners. It takes two people to make a relationship work.

Anyway, this is a random post. Just got me thinking. Lol. :)

Encouraging somehow

"Life,Smile,Love"

Yesterday, I have came across some cards in a shop on the way back to my apartment. I thought that they were meaningful in a way and I bought them eventually for the sake of self satisfaction or desire..hahahaha..anyway, just have a look at them. Who knows if they might have made your day just like how they had made my day yesterday!;D




This is my favourite one!
"everything will be okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end."



I thought that it might be a good idea to paste them on somewhere in which I will always look at..and TA-DA!!! I pasted them on my study table's wall..:D

Skyping~

Just for laughters...LOL.

Some pictures taken when I was skyping with my sister and my friend, yeng...HAHAHAHA.

Don't worry..you both look ok..XD

I really need it!

Sleeping was not the my most favorite activity of the day that I used to have but now, it has changed! I look forward to sleeping..lol. Maybe it was because of the lack of sleep I had ever since the assignments and workload increase in a LARGE amount. I used to not sleep at 3am but way much earlier (at around 12am at most). I felt like I have changed my sleeping habits and this is bad and so unhealthy!:(

I know that being sleep deprived can help one to gain more weight. I am afraid of being fat now but I just can't help it. Nothing ever seems to be productive. I think I didn't manage my time well enough.

I used to tell my friends who are still online to sleep when I am going offline but now, my friends tell me that instead. I want to sleep early but I can't do much to fix it. XD

Now, I will be having four days of break!! YAY! I have been looking forward to rest and just take a break from studying. Although I might not be going to anywhere for this fall break, I will still be happy because I think my body needs a break before it really breaks down completely..XD

Lets hope that I will be making the best of the four days I have! :DDDDDDDD

My Mum Says So

It is not Mothers' Day or any other special occassions but I just feel like writing this post. It is just because I think that it is important to acknowledge her, my dear Mummy for whatever she has done for me and my siblings, and of course our family. This picture was taken on 15th February 2010 when I was on a break during my matriculation studies, I think. Lol. All I know is that I was KL and I think this was taken in Pavilion. From left, Mum, me and Pauline. People often mistaken the three of us as sisters because my Mum looks kinda young for her age. ;D

As for this picture, it was taken recently when we were gonna send Pauline off to US. The date, 23rd August 2010, and it was on a Monday. I'm pretty sure I got the details right. A sad day indeed for my family, my Mum especially for being so protective over us all the time and now she has to finally let one of her kids go to an unknown place. She would no longer be able to look after Pauline then. I knew she was sad and probably the impact on her was even greater than mine when she watched Pauline leaving. She cried, my Dad too, maybe my brother did and me, oh well, definitely! Btw, in this picture from lleft, my brother, Mum and Pauline.

She is a career woman and I'm proud to say that she is a good-looking mum. I'm slightly taller than her but not slimmer than her though. She is very into her job and I mean it. She told me that she wanted to go all out in her career due to the fact that her age is limiting her to pursue longer. Before that, I never really understood why sometimes she wanted to work on weekends but now, I do.

I can't tell how a mother feels as I'm not one at this moment but I picture it as a very tough job. She is always worried for Pauline like whether she was doing okay in US, worried for my brother like what time he'll be back when he goes out late at night and whether he is safe outside and worried for me like whether I have enough cash to spend. Aww.. and she never realized that her list of tasks to be taken care of will go on and on forever.

She said it was okay for her to pick me every now and then from my college to home and vice versa. The thing is I feel bad when I do it quite often. It would have been easier for my parents if I were to just stay in college. I'm glad that she is not like other mums who would stress up their child for not doing well in exams. Even my Dad doesn't scold me for not performing.

She is also different as she kinda encourage my sis and I to socialize more as we are in this age of life. That's what she would have reasoned out when I asked why. Nevertheless, she wants us to be careful along the way. She just wants to know who our friends are.

I think she did a great job as a mother. She might not be like other housewives but she is a lady whom I salute most. Even though, I don't agree with some of the things she did but I know there's always a good reason behind her actions. Of course, I love her! <3

Random Updates

I felt like I have left this blog for quite some time after seeing three posts from Pauline consecutively. Since I have a little free time now, it is my turn to contribute to this blog. So, what have I been up to recently?

I had a busy week with the Juniors' Welcoming Night(JWN), debate practice, assignments, birthday celebration for my friends and yea, that's about it. Along the way, I faced a few problems like my when my phone was suddenly disfunctional and also when there was no internet connection in the hostel.

Anyway, my phone is finally functioning and jaring ukm is finally available. The most recent thing I had was the debate competition, KDU IV. It was a great experience even though I felt really lousy there. It definitely gave me a different outlook on debate. One good thing that happened was that I got a teammate, Ying Xin who is like one of my closest friends in UKM. Sadly, Cassy isn't in debate. It would have been awesome-r with her around. Anyway, there was Yit Tyse who is my senior but not technically my senior because she's 1991 too. As Cassy's buddy, she did made it awesome too. And of course, not forgetting everyone who was in debate as well.

For JWN, my Mum did my make-up and my hair, the saloon of course. Everyone was on their best look that night. It was enjoyable but I couldn't take any pictures because my phone was still in the devastated state.

Then, there was also a mooncake celebration in my college. The main organizer, Isaac, I supposed. After that, there was Danny's surprise birthday prank.

Since my post is kinda short, I just thought maybe I should ask a random question. Lol. Ever wondered if you weren't good enough to be considered okay? Felt like you're a loser now and wanted to be acknowledged as a hero one day? Seriously don't let this bring you down, instead take it as a drive to be even better in the future. By the way, the picture above was taken during the JWN. From left, me, Ying Xin, Cassy, Danny and Isaac. Chose this picture because mostly everyone who was mentioned in this post is in it. Sadly, Yit Tyse went back that time already.

Good day

I think today is so far the most satisfying day for me eventough it was a rainy day and it was a very cold day. I have started off my day with an early Chemistry Lab in which I find it demoralizing after doing my two lab work for the past two weeks. I was demoralized after the lab work but I am getting the hang of it, I guess. It is so far considered as my most afraid of class but not the class that I detest most which is calculus. Maybe both of them are just equally devastating but in different ways...lol.

Ok, lets not ruin my mood for today. After I got myself demoralized, I went to do some printing in SLC and I saw a classmate of mine for chemistry and math. When I was going out the Chem Building, I saw my GSI for Chem Lab. She turned and smiled at me. Her smile sort of decreased the dissapointment. :)

Then, I went to Ayaka to get some sushi and went back to my apartment. I felt hungry after a while. So, I have decided to cook. I have always wondered how do people get to fry the egg so nicely without crushing it into pieces. So, I went on and try to do it. Fortunately, the egg turned out good for me! :D



After eating, I met up with Sin Yi and Girish to finish my math maple problem(another thing that I dislike). Luckily, we got it done for a short while. :) I went back and do some reading on chemistry because the test is around the corner. After that, I have uploaded some pics in facebook. Pictures that I have long taken..HAHAHA.

The most amazing was that I am glad that I went to the Exam Review Session on Chemistry! The session was so motivating and I have cleared so much of my previous doubts. Thank you, Bahas! You are fantastic! After that session, I was in a pretty good mood. I even took the longer route back home. The reason was to chill a little and enjoy the beautiful night walk! :D

When I got home, Zera and I chatted about how her day went and some Nike thing(her taekwando suit..:P). Nice conversation! I enjoyed it, Maybe it was because of the good mood that I have. And now, I have finished this blog post of mine! :D

My day ended just like that..

Last night, I have to study for my chemistry quiz, read the calculus textbook(I have to if not I will be so blur in the lecture) and do my economics homework(lucky, I did the homework because we had a pop quiz the next morning..hahaha).
That time I was truly glad that I had drop psychology. It will be too much for me. I can't handle too much of subjects.

After studying for a few hours in the library, I went back and of course, I was hoping that my sis, my family or some friends of mine would be online. I was checking my umich mail and ctools for any announcements and assignments. Then, I saw "Patricia Low signed in"!!!

I guess it was very predictable that I would immediately called her..HAHAHAHA..but unfortunately, my calls kept on failing..skype is not all that good after all. The connection in her place was really bad. She kept on signing in and out. It was not a good news for us. Instead of chatting, we ended up trying to fix the connection. All those precious time that we might have used to chat had wasted just like that. :(

When we have finally got to chat, she was about to rush to somewhere else already...my day ended up with dissapointment but I managed to sleep because I was too tired..LOL.

A door or a wall?

Is it a door or a wall?
I might be wrong
Maybe its not either of them.
If it is a door, do I have the right keys in my hand?
Is it the right one that fits the door?
Maybe I have lost the key
Maybe I have not bought the correct key
Maybe there wasn't any key at all because it was just a wall
A thick wall that nothing can even break it
I don't know
I am afraid to knock myself towards it
I might get a bruise on my head
or maybe I might have fainted if I have done it
I wondered if I should just go towards it and see if its a door or a wall
I want to but everytime when I will start hesitating and doubting myself
Hence, I will end up in the intial position
If it is a door, I have never tried opening it
I didn't even try to use the keys that I have in hand to open it
I wondered if there is something interesting behind it or maybe its just an ordinary thing
Who knows right?

:)

Just the way you are

I've been listening to this song by Bruno Mars called "Just the way you are." Thanks to my brother who has been playing this song for a couple of times yesterday. So yea, I got addicted. When I see your face, there is not a thing that I would change coz you're amazing, just the way you are~



It is definitely thesong every girl wants her guy to sing for her. It is so sweet and I'm pretty sure the girl will fall for the guy all over again. By the way, I just realized that I'm not the right person to mention it because I'm still single. Lol. Anyway, it is a really nice song. Love the lyrics! <3






Pauline has been staying in US for about 3 weeks and me, oh well, still here in Malaysia. Nothing much going on in life. Before Pauline went to US, we had a farewell for her. I was a little busy at the same time doing the card for her with couple of my friends. On 3rd September, I was with my Convent Sentul friends celebrating Debbie's birthday at Itallianies in Gardens. Good thing our surprise worked! Lol.




Then during the holidays, I met up with my KMK family in Mid Valley. Even though not everyone could make it but it like the usual gathering where we took pictures and walked around the place, and of course gossiping! Nice gathering!





On the same day, I spent time with my family members which was enjoyable too because I felt like it has been some time since I last watch a movie with them. FYI, we usually watch late night movies because we couldn't get the tickets for an earlier time when we get there! But this time, we did! Guess coz it is Raya and everyone's back in their hometown. Yay! Then, we had supper at Kota Damansara in a restaurant called Fullhouse. I hope I got the name right because I'm really bad at remembering names.


On the next day, my Mum and I went shopping. We've been shopping like for uncountable times already. Sometimes it turned out to be window shopping because we couldn't find anything that we really want. Hahaha.


Since my end module exam is around the corner, I did some studying. Talking about it makes me nervous. I don't wanna screw this again! XP



By the way, I just went to the saloon and my hair is black again. I will be back in UKM soon and meet my UKM friends. :)

It is beyond us

When there is a restriction among the people around us, why should we feel obligated? It ain't our thing anyway. Why must we feel pressurized in things that are not related to us? Because of relationships? friendships? Is that nescessary?

The above 'indirect' statements came out from a friend of mine.

The world is revolving and changing at a pace that is faster than years before. Everyone has developed his or her own kind of beliefs, thoughts and principles. Even if we are different in some ways, we know that eventually, there will be a line in between us. It is so hurtful to say that we are not the same but sometimes, we just got to accept it because deep down inside, we all know that we are different from the beginning. This can't be explain by words but it is widely understood by all. It is hard to know that we can't do all things together because of contrasting ideas in our way of living. No matter how much we hate it or feel unhappy about the ugly truth, we can't change it. It is beyond our control and limits. In fact, I want it to be said out loudly but I don't dare to mention a thing about it.

It is similar to a pit that just too deep and black that we don't dare to jump in and look what is actually inside it. We don't even dare to light up a torch and see what is in the pitch black pit. I don't know about you but I am definite that I am one of the 'we'.

Recent updates

I have been here for more than 2 weeks and so far, everything is ok. I can't say it's absolutely awesome or boring..so, I will stick to OK since most of the things are under control and not as messy when I first got here.

What I have done in between these 2 weeks were shopping, settling in with apartment, choosing my classes, attending classes, chatting with some of my friends, video calling with my friends and family, attending some welcome events in UMich, making new friends, cooking in the apartment and of course, onlining..haha.

Nothing much to be said because this is another ordinary post of mine. Actually, I am pretty lazy to describe the events and activities..This post is just an update from me. :)

All about the journey

Before I leave for the US, my family, convent girlfriends, and uniten friends were there with me for the last minutes of my time in Malaysia. Everything seemed ok until my convent friends and my sis showed up and gave me something so memorable to me. It was some sort like the diary of my life, all in one - pictures from those primary school moments, secondary school moments, school trips, messages from them to those moments I had in Uniten. When I flipped a few of the cards, my tears started to drip..I was speechless but in the same time, I was so grateful that I actually had this 'diary'. Although I might cry when I look at it in the future, I am sure that those memories were not just memories but they were parts of me once and thanks to all of you, they will be remembered forever. Then after a while, my friends from Uniten came. They gave orange black chocolate to zera and me. My family members were crying and all I want is to leave happily but I guess emotions took over eventually. I did cried after seeing my mum and my sis cried.







Going some where so far away is hard, believe me. Sitting in the aeroplane thinking that anything could happen in between the journey and years. I hated travelling with the aeroplanes, it was never my favorite choice of transportation but I have to go through it and I don't think zera liked it too. After the long journey to our transit in London, all we want was to contact our loved ones. Unfortunately, the phones could not be used to call or send messages. We both thought that the London Heathrow Airport should have wifi, thinking that it might be an option for us to contact with our friends and family but we could not get any internet connection. Then, we saw the machine that provides internet services as long as we pay for it. Since we were desperate, we went for it and got ourselves in facebook for updating our situation. Facebook is not all that bad. It really does connect people and somehow, I was glad to have an account.

When we got our boarding passes in London, we have realized that we had to sit quite far away from one another but lucky us, the guy that was supposed to sit next to me agreed to trade his seat for zera's seat. Thanks, sir! After such long hours of sitting, we have reached Detroit but we got separated during the custom checking part. Lucky, we found each other outside in the arrival waiting seats.

We were greeted with a senior of ours and she drove us to the place where we are going to stay. We got ourselves the apartment but we wanted to get our bank accounts and UMich's ID. So, two seniors accompanied us and one of them guided us to the shopping mall to get our necessities. Thanks a lot! :)
We were really sleepy but I was glad that we have finally reached the apartment safely. After cleaning and unpacking all of my things, I have managed to finish this post. :)

Some pictures of my apartment:

Leaving soon.

Less than a week..5 days in precise..it is really happening. I don't know what to say. I am not filled with excitement yet. Getting ready to go is not an easy process. A lot of things got me worried..haha. I don't know what to expect there. Anything can happen in between those years. Some people think that I will go wild when I am there. Some believe that I will still stand by my own principles as long as I am still within the circle of my boundaries. Well, they have the right to say this and that but I know what I will do and not do when I am there. After all, I am a little conservative when it comes to certain issues. Sometimes I really wonder if they know me well enough to predict my life there. Like I have said, I don't like giving any promises or guarantee because anything can happen in between those years. I am even having thoughts and doubts about what I will be then and how things will be like when I come back. The thing is that I will still have the "old-me" no matter what I have done or experienced. I know that the world is not kind and I don't expect everyone to be super nice to me. I got tonnes of advices from my family members. Thank you all! When I am there, I will learn and that is for sure. All I can say is just have a little faith in me and lets hope that I will make the best out of Michigan and US. I think I have bought all of my things..haha..I hope I didn't miss any. Well, I hope everything goes fine. Wish me all the best! :)

We shall see what happens in these few years to come...I hope that there are some things that will stay the same and some that will change for the better. :)

Dresses For Me?

This picture was taken last year during the Chinese New Year celebration in KMK. Adeline in the white cheongsam and that's me in the red one. Not many people saw us in cheongsams anyway because we only got to change like kinda at the ending part of the event.

We actually took quite some effort to just go look for these cheongsams but, we finally got it anyway at the same shop. Lol. It's like one of the moments where I really got to dress up nicely which I hardly do. :P

Being a not-so-girly girl, i rarely wear skirts. I think I look better in jeans so yea, never really gotten myself any skirts and what more can I say about dresses?! It's not like I totally don't have any. It's just that I have limited choices only compared to other girls.

I would probably try checking Pauline's wardrobe because I need a dress ASAP. Yikes!

I've always wanted to get a nice dress anyway so maybe it's time for me to get it. Every girl wants to look pretty in special occasions and that includes me too. It's kinda stressful because people tend critic if you look bad. :(

Maybe I should turn to my Mum for advices too. I believe that she knows what looks good on me. Hopefully, everthing will turn out fine. :)

I wonder..

Well, I am not gonna post about an anime series but it kinda relates to it. I've been thinking a lot. Sometimes things just don't go the way you want it to be. Your actions and words may hurt other people. It hurts you even more if the person whom you hurt is someone important to you.

My-Hime is one of the anime series that I really like. Probably because it has the greatest effect on me. It made me wonder how much one would do just to save their loved ones. It involves sacrifices. Ever wonder whether the sacrifices made are worth it? But shouldn't you like not care of the worthiness of it if you really care for that person? If you think that it is not worth it, does that mean that you're being selfish?

Lol. Personally, I don't think there's an answer for those questions because different people react differently. In this kinda situation, there's no right or wrong. People make choices, not mistakes.

For me, it really depends how much I really treasure the particular person. Don't blame yourself if there's any problems. Anyone could have came across something like that. Sometimes, giving in and being honest are the best solutions! ;)

No more black

Yesterday, I soaked my black shorts and when it was dry, it wasn't like it was before..it had turned green..Bye bye, black shorts. I really like that shorts but now, I guess I will just have to deal with its new look or just leave it in my wardrobe..haha. The change of color in my shorts kinda reminded me that things changes and not everything will stay the same forever. Although I am regretting for soaking it and missing it now, I will soon forget that once it was my favourite shorts. I only got to it like a year back. So, maybe its time to say goodbye. Your time has come..:(

What would happen if...

I always have this thought in my mind "What would happen if...". I wondered how things would be like if I have acted differently. They might have been better or worse but I won't know because I have done it and nothing could change that. I thought it was the best choice of all of my possible actions but I was wrong. It was not the best solution at all. None of us were not satisfied or happy. It ended up with anger and frustration. I don't know what to say or do anymore. My eyes were teary red but even that couldn't help me in anyway besides letting off my emotions and feelings. I was all alone knowing that I couldn't possibly reach for any immediate help because it would only made it worse. I would feel even more terrible and not even enjoying the time that I have left here. If this is a math problem, I will solve it logically but too bad for me, its not. I don't know what could have possibly been the right move at all. I am really out of mind and words..I want things to go smoothly. Maybe we should stop tolerating and just say what we want. It makes things much easier. Although we may sound stubborn or selfish, maybe that is the solution. Both sides were trying to think the best for one another but this has only brought heartache. So, what is the point of trying to tolerate at all? It has never make sense to me but all these while, I have finally knew that I have chose the wrong action. Everything is just so messed up. I really want it to be fixed but I just don't know how.

Debating?

During my schooling years, I was never looked up as a very confident person. I was more of a girl who likes to keep her opinions to herself and afraid to voice it out. I guessed the turning point of this passive behaviour was when I decided to try out to be a prefect in secondary school. My sister and I didn't want to be prefects initially but after thinking.. we somehow agreed on this decision. As for me, the main reason for this was to seek for a change since I've never been a prefect in primary school.

Being a prefect didn't change me instantly though. I gotta admit that I wasn't the ideal prefect for a few reasons. Personally, I felt that it was because I wasn't strict and even if I tried to be, people laughed at me. My problem of not being able to project a loud voice adds on to the list. Plus, I have difficulties in pronouncing some words as well. :(

I tried improving myself then. I felt that I didn't really accomplished my goals in my secondary school as I still doubted myself in almost everything I did. But, it was then I was aware that I will have to make a difference. I have always wanted to do something great in life even until today. XD

In matriculation, it was kinda like a chance for me to develop myself to be brave. I had to be strong anyway because I was no more staying with my parents. Then I realized that I had a little 'Pauline' in me. Lol. After all, we are twins! She is like one the persons with the strongest personalities I've seen.

Lately, I have participated in a debate competition. Yea, you read it right. A debate competition in UKM. People who have known me long enough would have been in a shock knowing this especially my highschool friends. This was my first time trying debating. I took this as an opportunity to see how much I've improved.

I think I did a fairly "okay-okay" job. My team lost for the first two rounds but we managed to win at least once. My teammates were good in their own ways. I was proud that I finally got the nerve to speak up. Hehe.

I felt that what I'm today is a far cry from what I was in school. Would I even dare to take part in a debate competition in school then? I doubt it.

As long as we wanna improve ourselves, we will soon see the improvement in ourselves. The picture above shows some of the debators from my college.

My colors!

When I was 5 years old, I used to like yellow! That's why I liked to draw the sun and I loved the yellow power ranger..haha. I don't know the exact reason for it but maybe the reason behind it was that yellow is a bright color.

When I was about 7 years old after my elementary years, I don't really like bright colors anymore. I liked blue instead. One reason was that it was safe and it was considered as a 'cool' color for me..hahaha..maybe some influence from my bro too..XD

When I was in my pre-teenage years, I still stick to the color, blue but the darker type of blue..navy blue. I didn't like to have bright colors at that point of time because it gets dirty easily compared to dark colors like blue. I was not the girly-type of girl but the more rough-type of girl. I didn't like to wear dresses or skirts. Everything I had was pants and normal tee. It is also pretty obvious that I have created my email, "blue7lime@....com" during those years of my life..hahaha.

When I hit the age of 15, my liking for blue color started to decrease. I have undergone some changes in my thoughts and likings and thus, I opened myself to more colors in life. I realized that I did not like the safe dark color that much because most of the pretty nice looking things were in white. From then onwards, I like white! I am glad that I didn't want to be so boy-ish after all..hahaha.

When I am about 17 years of age, I still like white but I started to like pink as well..not the striking pink but the baby pink..hahaha. I have a lot of things in pink. For example, my clothes, bag, socks, etc..except for my hideous blue watch that I have when I was 13..Oh ya, that blue watch had finally took its last breath when I was in Uniten. Now, I had a better looking one..the silver metallic type in which I have always wanted when I started liking white..hahaha.

For now, I like red but I still go for other colors as long as I look nice in it. By the way, I might start liking the color, gold as well especially for accessories..hahaha..XD
I think as my colors have changed, I have changed myself too. Maybe it is one of the signs of growing up for me. I am yet to know what colors I will like in a time still to come. :)

Thinking ahead

No matter how much I don't like changes, they will have to happen somehow. I know its going to be the time when it comes. Changing is good or bad? It really depends on us, eventually. I like to think of it as a good thing but I just don't feel right. I hate transitions in which I have to go through for now and I am not sure if it is because that I am emotionally disturbed for these few days or what but I just don't feel right. Nothing seems to be a good thing. I want to be optimistic to myself but I just couldn't because I know how I feel. Everything seems so wrong for me even little things that do not need much attention or consideration. Maybe I am still in the mood swing season..haih. All of my 'haha's don't seem so genuine and I can't help it but typing it because it's already in me. My fingers will just go to the letter 'H' and 'A' repeatedly even when I am not laughing. I hope its the mood swing. I really hope so. It better be..I want to wake up feeling like life is something and not nothing..
Now, I will not think so much about what I will be leaving behind. No more sad moments. No more being depress for something that I know that it will not happen. No more whining and procrastinating. No more being so irrational. I will have to focus of what I will be facing in a few weeks time or years..haha. All I got to do now is to divert my attention to the more important stuffs for now. So, packing, it is! ;)

It's me

Are you with me? You don't seem like you are. I thought you would but I guess I was wrong. I don't even know what else you are hiding from me. I have the rights to know because it's all about me and not you. It's my thing. You think you can handle it yourself by not telling me?

Please let me grow up. I may act a little unreasonable but do you even know that I only act like that in some situations? Some in which I do not need to hide myself from showing what is really happening in my mind and thoughts..Some in which I can feel free to express and explode..I hate restrictions, really. I am no more what I was before and I am not sure if I am better or worse because I have doubts about myself. My emotions were jumbled together. I must not be emotionally disturbed. You have to let me decide and learn. It's time and there is no more 'next time'.

These few days were filled with heart-breaks, headaches, anger and frustration between us. I don't know how to fix it. So, I am just leaving it and see what happens next. I don't even expect an apology but I want sincerity and care. If you think I am least bothered about it, then you don't even know me well enough. In fact, I don't even think I know the 'real you'.

I am tired of this. Let's put this aside and let it rot if it ever will. I hope it does.

When Sharing Means Caring

I kinda realized that I was being very selfish last night and also this morning. XP.. I hate to admit that but I feel really guilty. After thinking about it, I thought it was just a small matter. I made someone unhappy when she was supposed to be like enjoying herself that night.

I didn't mean to be the bad person but I just couldn't help it. Have you ever came across a situation where you had to give up something that means a lot to you temporarily to one of the most important people in your life because they really need it at that point of time? In other words, sacrificing something important for someone important.

The answer is obvious. Of course you would. That was what I did but I was reluctant to actually. Unfortunately, the person who asked me for it was her, the girl at the left side of the picture above. Honestly, I would say yes for her for anything at all and even if I can't, I willl try my best to help her.

The problem arised when I kept complaining about it. Then, she felt guilty and she wasn't all that excited already that night. She even broke into tears after that. I felt so bad. :S

The moral of the story, do not spoil another person's day by being so selfish and, be sincere when you wanna share something with other people. :)

The clinic

I think it was a few weeks back since my second last visit to the clinic nearby our house. That clinic was a 24-hour clinic. I went there with our dad. Since our family members are frequent patients, the doctor himself agreed on placing all of our names in a family card in order to ease up the registration when we visit.

After a week later, my sis got sick and she too went to the same clinic. The difference was that my sis and I went there with my mum. When we got there, I remembered about the familay card thing. I told the nurse that she could find our family card and not my sis's card. The weird thing was that the family card was supposed to help out the system but in fact, it didn't. We waited for at least half an hour for the nurse to find my sis's card and the family card was no where to be found..haha. Eventually, we just went in the doctor's room without the family card and use the individual ones instead. After all, the most important thing is not the card but my sis's health.

Yesterday, unfortunately, I have visited the same clinic because I got some rashes on my body. I went there with my dad and he knows about the family card too. So, he told the nurse to find the same old family card. Guess what? History has repeated itself again. The nurse could not find the family card. To be truthful, I was rather pissed. It was not the first time that this was happening and they can't even create a new card after knowing that the 'old card' was no where to be found. I thought that the nurses or at least the doctor would have initiated a new card for my family but the doctor chose to put the blame on the nurses. He even told my dad and I that he didn't like the nurses because they were not good in organizing the work.

I hope that the clinic will be more efficient in our next visit. No more history to be repeated AGAIN..haha.

Now, its my turn

If you think being a parent is easy, think again..haha. Yes, I think I understand a little now because its my turn to take over my mum's job and that is to take care of her. My mum just went for her operation on Tuesday and she has yet to recover which means to be able to do her own daily routines. She is at home taking a break from her work. And yes, my bro and I have to look after her for the time being eversince when she had her operation.

My bro is not involved in the petty things like washing and cleaning..he is more of a driver for now..I am not as sensitive or should I say aware as my mum is. She thinks of everything that I have never thought of. For example, she would put all the clothes in the washing machine according to colors and she will leave the clothes drenched in the washing machine for one night unlike me who would just dump everything in that machine and push the start button..hahaha. I think that she has learned from her experience and that is why she is being so meticulous about everything.

She would be watching me as I follow her instructions doing the household chores..To be honest, I don't like being watched because I don't think she will agree with what I want to do and I feel pressurized at times when she says "Its okay, I will do it"..I feel like I am of no use when she says that..can't help it..haha..XD
Now, I realized that she might have felt the exact feeling when I say "Its ok, I will do it myself" when I told her about my problems and I can imagine that my own kid was telling me that but I can't be of much help. The same thing goes with my mum. It must have hurt her so much..plus, she has three children..so, its times three and I have not counted the years..haha..ok, I shall stop the calculation..it only makes me feel guilty.

Since she is unable to carry out some chores, I think I can be helpful for her in many ways. I really want to help but I can't do most of the things the way I want to because she will be watching me..so, that means that I got to be more careful..hahaha..:S
For now, I will just follow her orders although I don't really agree. I am learning to be more patient and independent in a way too. Love you, mum! :)

Another one, maybe?

The other day when I hang out with my friends, Yeng and Debbie, we were in Pavillion. I wanted to get myself some gold accessories and we ended up in Diva. I finally got myself two pairs of ear rings(one pair is black and the other is gold), Debbie got herself a huge and pretty ring and Yeng got herself some ear rings too. We were in diva for quite a long time.

As usual Debbie and I have chose ours and we were waiting for Yeng to choose hers. She was so undecided on which ear rings to get for herself. There we were like three idiots standing there looking at the ear rings and commenting on them hoping that Yeng would make up her mind on which to choose..hahaha..most of them were cute but the package is to buy at least 3 pairs for RM20++..some of them had 4 to 6 pairs. Then, we thought of sharing some pairs to make it more worthy but we all know that only some pairs were nice and some were just so-so. Of course, all the packages have some nice ones and the so-so's..hahaha..it was hard to please everyone.

There were some pairs which needed more piercing in the ears to match all of the ear rings together. After that, we even came out with a suggestion to go for another piercing..I was ok with it initially but later, I have some doubts in my mind about it..haha..my mum didn't mind it at all but I am afraid that people might change their perception towards me about this matter. For me, it is worth to try it because it would not harm me or anything but thinking that I might have a bad first impression in the future really hit me a little..XD
Eventually, it is up to me to make this decision and now, I am up for it and see if it will be worthy. I will not know if I don't right?

Bigger Than What I've Imagine

Finally I am back from the orientation week and also the PPD Camp. The orientation was held at the Bangi campus. Sadly to say that I won't be studying in this huge campus but I will be at the Kuala Lumpur campus instead. The picture above was taken in a place called DECTAR in UKM Bangi during the cultural night event from my view where the all the choir people were.

I was part of the choir team during the orientation week. Initially, I wasn't sure of what I should take part in as there were so many performances in the list. I had a few peferences in my mind and honestly, one of them was choir. It was a great experience being part of the choir team at that moment.

I was glad to spot some KMK people here in UKM. Seeing them reminds me so much about the times I had in KMK especially when I saw Allana and Peh Ge. Along the way, I met some new friends who are very friendly. Most of them are from matriculation and only a few are STPM grads.

After orientaton in Bangi, it wasn't really an end for the medical students. Yup, we had to attend a camp in Ulu Kenas where there wasn't any network coverage in that place. We were fed a LOT of times a day. My group members and the facilitators of my group are awesome! I really had fun XD.. Spider, that was the name of my group. Hehe..

I really learned a lot of things in that camp. Love Group 6 so much! There were a lot of activities like jungle trekking, talks, personality test, debate, sketch and many more. I'm still feeling tired even though the camp was over yesterday itself already. Hence, that's all for my post aboout UKM! ;D