Should I be ashamed?

I don't know why for some reason the weather was colder for the past few days. It has to be at least -10 degree celsius. I know it might not be wise to opt to study in the library being that I will have to walk a few blocks to get there but really, I can't get things done in my apartment. No matter how hard I have tried, my days were somehow more productive in the library.

Anyway, it is a little depressing being in the apartment alone when Zera is not around. Yes, it might be quite and probably, it is the most conducive place ever to study and stay focus but really, it's depressing. Plus, having the "dim yellow light" study lamp on the table and having the laptop as the only reliable source of entertainment and also, the source of everything to me such as my assignments and projects. I rather go out some where in which I don't feel so down and moody.

Ok..back to the main focus of this blog post..I was in the library doing the usual thing and it was already 1am. I knew it though. It was not surprising being in the library for such a long period of time since I am slow in doing just about everything especially when it comes to studies or anything related to it.

I headed for my friend's advice to take the "safety-route-back" which was the cab and the advantage of it was that it is free as long as the destination is within the campus area. I thought that it might be a good choice since it was so late and the freaking cold weather could have gotten me frozen for real. So, I have called for the cab and went in the cab. Some guy came in the cab after a few minutes. He was just like me, a passenger. He looked pretty decent and he gave me a smile when he came in. After a few minutes, he asked me where was I going back to and I told him the location of my apartment. Guess what? I have totally changed my mind towards the-decent-looking-guy I had in mind after that question.

that guy : Don't you feel ashamed taking the cab? It's just a few blocks away??
me : .............(I was annoyed but kept my mouth shut to avoid any trouble)
that guy : Seriously?? Don't you feel ashamed?
me : .............:I

That one question had kept me thinking that I should probably be ashamed of it and it did ruin my day. I will think twice before taking the cab for now.. Thanks to "that guy". :/

What is "ideal"?

What would you do when you want things to change just for the better but that you can't even do anything with it? What I had meant has nothing got to do with something that can be change with just actions..They are not ambitions, relationships and academics in which we can change them if we really work for them and try harder.

Everyone has something that is ideal in their minds. For example, a good academic result means getting all A's, a successful career means getting a well paid job, a happy family means spending time with your spouse and children, a leader is someone who knows how to work well with people, a friend is someone who you can always count on when there are ups and downs, an ideal song is a song that is pleasing to the ear and the list goes on...

Like everyone else, I have mine as well for just about everything. I am not going to say that I am not appreciative enough because I really want things for the better. I want to have that "something" I had to be ideal as well. As you can see, I can't even bring myself to say it out. This is because it has not been ideal to me from the start. It can't be easily said or done and there it is, being in its supposed-to-be form..

I don't know but all I can say is that I envy those who have that "something" that they can shout it out loud and not be ashamed about it. I have to admit that yes, I am not happy about it and truthfully, it had bothered my emotions and it has not been aligned with my own principles in life. Not only me though..others as well I bet if they have know it. To explain it is hard. Truthfully, I don't even know where to begin.

I guess that not all of us have the same "ideal" thoughts. Mine are very simple and common because they are about the same as everyone else's. Maybe I am not ready to accept it yet. Hopefully, I will some day before its too late.

Pill-Eyes' Birthday

While Ling had a birthday surprise in the morning after taking her bath, I had a completely different birthday celebration. Honestly,I wasn't really excited this year due to the fact that it falls on Monday. As usual, I have to attend lectures and classes. The fun spoiler was the lab work! I hate lab work! The day just startedout wrong.. I guess.

Well, it was not all that bad after that and also the day before my birthday. The day before my birthday was a Sunday and I went for the usual debate training. After training, we all went out for dinner. After when we were like gonna finish our meals, a birthday cake came and people starting singing the happy birthday song but I didn't think it was meant for me. I thought they were actually gonna celebrate for the other two seniors, Shu Shi and Jeremy. When they were singing, I joined the singing too. Then I saw my name on the cake as well and they sang like "..happy birthday to Shu Shi and Patricia~" They remembered my birthday! Aww.. I was happy but it was really unexpected!

Then later in the evening, Sandy drove a few of us to Setapak. We all went to Setapak and had dinner in Kenny Rogers'. It was all a plan. They even went to the extent to call my parents not to let me go home on that day since I go home quite often. Then came another cake! Happy Birthday Patricia Pillai! Now I am officially a Pillai or peel-eye, all thanks to Cassy and Ying Xin! It was my 1st birthday cake without sharing with anyone too! Same experience as Ling. :P

Thanks for making my birthday so memorable! To the people involved, my dear friends who came all the way to Setapak just for me, my sweet buddy and her boyfriend, and not forgetting the UKM debaters for making me happy on this occasion. I like the presents and the birthday wishes. I took some time to open up all the pills to read your little messages. Lol. So sweet of you all to do that! You all may not read this post but I really appreciate it! :D

20 here we come!

Yes! We, I meant my sis and I are 20 now! No matter in which time zone we are in now, Malaysian timing or US timing, we are 20 officially! I have to act like my age which I obviously don't..I really miss being a teen. Seriously, 20 for real? Sorry for the reiteration..I just can't believe it somehow.

I managed to wake myself up and greet my sis in the Malaysian timing but as for the US timing, I did received a message from my sis and dad in my phone but later on, I ended up spending my time reading my programming subject and found out that I have not printed out some of the materials needed for my english class the next morning. I had a class at 10am but I have decided that I should wake up earlier to print out the materials.

I woke up around 8.15am and realized that Zera was no where to be seen. I have assumed that she had went to class early too since she had a class at 9am. So, I grabbed my spectacles and went to the bathroom to get myself ready for the day. When I was bathing, Zera was knocking on the door so loudly that she sounded so worried that her class is going to start..Well, that was what I had thought in mind. Without much thinking done in my mind, I opened the door with my towel on and realized that a whole lot of them were in the living room waiting for me just to celebrate my birthday! I was in total shock and all I did was closed the door shut and started screaming "Zera!". I have forgotten how many times but that was what I did..LOL! I should have guessed it when I saw her going to bed so early the night before. Oh well, I am the naive one in the end...haha.



Not a great start for the day but it was sweet and a little embarassing for me. Thanks for baking the cake, Sin Yi. Zera, thanks for the present and also, for spending some time with me for lunch. That was all about my 20th birthday! The pathetic truth was that I had my first ever own birthday cake with having anyone sharing it with me. I like it for the fact that it was my cake and dislike it because it had reminded me of my sister.

Thanks to Zera, Sin Yi, Syiqin, Shada, Jan, Girish, Ian, Winstone, Duo Ren and Sue who woke up so darn early just for me! I hope I didn't missed anyone like I did in faceboook..sorry to the special ones. :D

Good news!

I got my facebook account back! :)
I was so happy that I didn't want to log out..there were so many notifications,messages and friend requests(most of them were not approved anyway..haha..not that I don't want to be their friend but I don't even know them in reality)
Anyway, I got a new hair cut today and probably it was some change in feng shui or what so ever that made my day better. :)

That's me in my new hair cut:

Hard to live without it

I can't gain access to my facebook account. Knowing that I actually had a hard time without facebook around. This is just so sad. It's probably good that I have one less thing to do. I have to at least login to facebook once a day. I just don't feel right if I don't..I think I am not the weirdo here. Everyone else who has a facebook account will feel the same way as I do. :(

I just want my old account back..It's so hard to start all over again. Anyway, I will see what happens. Maybe this is something that I should experience. Getting rid of facebook in my life? hahaha..probably not.

The first is the best!

I went to New York with my friends for my first winter break! Obviously, it has to be great being in the most happening place ever! The big apple is what I am refering to! No doubt!

Meeting up with another sime darbian besides those in Umich for the first time in the US was so meaningful to me! Iswari, I will be missing you soon. Hope to see you again for the upcoming breaks! Can't wait.

As great as it might sound, we have faced some difficulities too..lol. The blizzard was horrible..being that I have lost my bini..We had to walk through the blizzard and I was in my trench coat. I felt like I was actually in the scenes that I have seen in "I shouldn't be Alive"..I would never want to go through that ever again. That was my very first blizzard experience though. Thanks to the awful bllizzard, the life span of my boots was shorten. I have a feeling that they are going to be doomed by next winter.

Also, I had my very first count down for the new year in New York! I have never been to any count down in Malaysia since it's pretty crowded and most of my friends will be out with their loved ones. I know it's pretty lame to stay at home during the new year but I missed being at home. Anyhow, I got to see Keisha, the Backstreet Boys, Bill and Giuliana Rancic! I was so close and yet so far from them..haha.

Oh ya, I have not been to any clubs before in Malaysia but guess what? My first clubbing experience was also in New York! Benny Benassi was there and he has certainly rocked Pacha! It was pretty awkward for me at first. Nice experience though. Thanks to Zera, Syiqin, Zaidah, Ian and Girish, I have a great time there. I think I am not too bad for a first timer. Seriously, I got to brush up my dancing skills..LOL!

I had my chance of meeting up with Iswari, first blizzard experience, first count down party, first time clubbing and the most AWESOME part was that they all took place during my first time in New York! Nothing can ever beat that! It's a great ending for the year of 2010 and a fantastic way to start off the year of 2011! :D

Another thing that I want to add is that this is my first blog post in the year of 2011! :)

This is so 2010.

Another year has passed and here comes 2011. Last year, Ling did the new year post so I guess it should be my turn this year then. Lol. Anyway, she wouldn't have the time to do it because she is having fun in NYC. And me, stucked at home studying for another end module exam on Monday!

So what happened in 2010?

I was still in KMK until April. Had fun with my KMK family and friends while Ling was still studying in Uniten. My first birthday without Ling. She was still in the Sime Darby Camp on that day. During the last few weeks in KMK, I had dinner most of the time with Fiona and sometimes with the other sisters. On the last day in KMK, I was like one of the earliest to go back and I regretted as I didn't get to do all the things that I wanted to do. :(

Then, came the dormant phase of waiting for results. I don't remember doing anything that time except shopping and being at home. Had a few gatherings with KMK sisters and friends, I think. Lol. The next thing I remembered was getting into UKM where everything was really different. We all went separate ways. I still have Peh Ge and Allana here in UKM but we don't get to meet up often. Adeline, Yi Ting and Xuan Lin are so lucky to be together in the same faculty in UM while Fiona is the only one in UPM like Daphenie who is the only one in UNIMAS. Those in USM are EJ, Ying Sze and Hui Yi.

In UKM, I met amazing people. I managed to brush up my mandarin, I think. Well at least it was better than when I was first in KMK. I am still not so good though because I still ask my friends to translate for me when it gets really complicated. :P

While I was still in my first or second month in UKM, Ling went to Michigan. I still remember her reaction when she first got the offer to study there. Despite all the hardships she went through, it really paid off at the end of the day.

I also met up with my old friends a couple of times. I still remember the times we spent to make Ling that card. Thanks to Yeng, Debbie, Kah Wei, Julia, Prithi and Irina. It was really sweet of you all to come up with that idea. :)

There were ups and downs. I once broke into tears talking to Ling in a video call and so did Ling. No matter the distance, we still feel for each other. Twin thing? Haha.

Well it was not all about studying while I was in UKM, I got myself involved in debate. I know like wow right?! Who ever thought I could be a debater? Yea then I went for KDU IV and ROYALS. Woohoo! Honestly, I thought debate really thought me a lot of stuffs and changed me in some ways. For example, I have to care about things that I don't even wanna know last time. Lol.

Sweet, sour and bitter as Ling named this blog, it actually explains it all. I don't think I mentioned everything that happened in 2010 but it was really a nice year. Say hello to 2011!