Jalan Ipoh Ain't Going Away

Hey, my home street made it to the headlines recently. DBKL decided to change its' name to Jalan Sultan Azlan Shah on the 26th of November 2014, along with other 7 roads in KL. Very familiar names like Jalan Duta, Mahameru Highway and Jalan Semarak are all going to be changed to other names. Don't get me wrong by saying that I don't like those new names. Being a Malaysian, it is an honour to know that your home street was about to be named after a royalty. I understand the reason to uphold the names of our rulers. I also understand the reasons for the rakyat to express their disagreement regarding the change of names of the common roads in KL. It really will bring about change in our addresses, name cards and signboards.

Being someone who was brought up in Jalan Ipoh all her life, I feel sad that it would no longer be called Jalan Ipoh. It's just a name of a road but unknowingly, my feelings for Jalan Ipoh meant so much more than I thought. The people used to call it by its' Batu's or miles. Batu Satu till Batu Lima, that was how long the road was. Many places were also named after Jalan Ipoh. The girl school by the name of SMP Jalan Ipoh, the restaurant called Ipoh Road Yong Tau Foo and Jalan Ipoh Club are all going to cause confusion in people.

Maybe the road was too long to have the same name so now at this moment, only part of it remains as Jalan Ipoh. I think it's until somewhere along Batu Tiga. Batu Empat and beyond remains Jalan Ipoh. Still it is a sad thing isn't it? I still feel as if the name carved some sentiments in me. It's like taking away your childhood memory of the really long road you've known.

My family called it Ipoh Road. It used to be a small road with shophouses along the long road. Then, came the Mutiara Shopping Complex and not long ago, River City was established right outside of my home. The HSBC and KFC never fail to be the landmark of Jalan Ipoh since I was born. The ever famous Uma Rani chain of shops will remain as prosperous as usual. The Batu Tiga market will still be as busy as ever.

Despite the change in the name, the people and the food will stay the same. The delicious Hokkien mee, Bah Kut Teh and porridge will still stick around as long as the business is still running. The busy food street in front of red/orange building will keep lighting up the street in the dark. Pak Halim's nasi lemak is not something to be forgotten as well! Some people say the Dim Sum but I say otherwise. Lol.

And whenever anyone ask me where I live, I'll still say it's Jalan Ipoh. :)

When life is a cycle, the mind wonders

-picture taken in a restaurant between Atlantic City and New York, 2012- 

I have started working for almost 4 months. Getting to know how others work and trying to adapt to the working culture, I think I have a good start. For me, my work life is not as tiring and intense as my student life which is something I thought I will be happy with or at least satisfied with...until I realized that most of the fun is taken away as well.

Like it or not, I am starting to miss my life in Michigan. Even though I have to juggle between studies, projects, time with family (on Skype) in the weekends and my social life, my days were filled with excitement, anxiety, stress and discovery. Everyday is unlike the other. At that point of time, I didn't really like it because I could not be certain of what could happen next...but after having to work and knowing that my life is filled with the same cycle everyday, I realized that I didn't like it either.. In that case, I can only agree to the statement, "we just have to feel it, to know it".

I guess it is sort of a trade off (fun and stress vs. mundane and content). Work, work, work. There is really nothing much to look forward to besides lunch time and getting off work unless there is something interesting going on in work. Life goes on.. no complains, just thoughts :)

Silly Me Again

I have become the clumsy girl at home for my records of troublesome events and now, I made it even clearer for that title. It was a happy day for some and a busy day for some. For me, it was a day when shit just happened. Lost my wallet unknowingly until I found out the next day. Too bad, too late, some things can't be saved. Lost some belongings and lost the mood for the day because it happened in the morning. It was my first time making a call on the highway while shivering all the way through. I was panicking while speaking on the phone with the bank operator and broke down while speaking to my family. I didn't feel like talking about it even until now. :/

Not having anyone else with me when it happened taught me to keep myself calm. I was only trying to make it through the day on my own. I drove to the side to stop and calm down. Being an emotional person, I cried many times. Even when I was speaking to the police, I think I started panicking again. God save me from this mess.. The biggest lesson in this incident was to be more careful. 

Thanks to those who were concerned. I wasn't in the right mind to thank you all but I really do appreciate it. It was a long day. :/

The Can't-haves

It was the usual day of going to work in a workplace so mundane that many had left. It had her thinking for some time, thinking whether it was time. The time to leave the place for the better as they had always told her about how it was greener on the other side. Better payroll, healthier workplace and probably a fairer chance for opportunities, but all these were not guaranteed. Being the less of a risk taker person, she never dared to make such drastic change in her life.

She knew there was a couple of things to consider before making one of those lifetime changing decisions. First, her family and second, herself. When it came to family, they were her everything. She would want to spend most of her time with them even if it was just for a meal at home. Home was the one of her getaway places. A cozy place where all troubles in life seemed to go away for that moment allowing her to be herself finally. She was always on make-up wearing the outfits for the people. Everybody loved her being beautiful as she was a pleasant lady to gaze at. Never was she herself in any way in that place.  Nobody knew what she really wanted to be. Plus, nobody would have figured that she was a lazy girl with no intentions to hold a brush or mascara. She liked her bare-faced look wearing tanks or big-sized t-shirts, paired with her home shorts. Home was the place where no acting was required out of her. Being herself was being loud and speaking her mind. Feeling comfortable was lying down on the couch while watching television. The life itself was luxurious without anything extravagant. She decided that she would rather stay here for her family and also for herself to live happy.

He on the other side of the world, had problems from within. Always felt lesser than anyone else. Never had the guts to speak up or even speak to strangers. He wished he had someone to talk to but not just anybody. He wanted someone who could speak in the same context and more importantly without the language barrier. Nobody understood how it felt like living in a world where you could physically fit in but not in language terms. He was the one who never mastered his own mother tongue. Always trying to catch up with the language which made him felt so far away from everyone else. Hoping that someday he could finally bring himself to speak with confidence. Someday he will make something big out of his life. 

It's time

Finally, I have completed my last class in UMich and the next phase is about to come. Work. Thinking of it makes me feel old and knowing about it makes me emotional. Well, move on is what I am about to do. The past 4 years living away from home have been one of the most exciting part of my life so far. When I think of myself today and compare it with myself in freshman year, I know I am a different person.

A lot of my opinions, beliefs and principles in life have somewhat been altered and changed. I used to be conservative in many things and reluctant to try new things but now, trying something new is not intimidating to me anymore. I think this has got to do with the people around me, those who were adventurous, loud and convincing. I have to admit that you would need to have these people around to spice up the situation and making it closer to having a fun time.

I have learned to loosen up a little and be less rigid. Make more effort to know people and get myself out of the comfort bubble. It is hard at first and probably, confusing at times when things that happened conflict with my beliefs or principles. You know you might think it is easy to adapt because you know the culture due to media exposure but in reality, it is very different. As time passes, it gets better and easier to accept and slowly, it becomes a norm. Somehow, I think I have learned to accept differences and try not to be judgmental about them.

There are some choices that I have made did not turn out to be the best one. I might have regretted and was upset about them for a while. Choices definitely affect whether times are good or bad but eventually, they will turn out okay and hopefully, for the better.

I wouldn't want to change one thing ever since I came to the states. I am proud of myself to have made it this far! :)

The Getaway

My fifth year started for almost a month already and I am still no where near my books. Lol. Well, technically it's time for my research to finalise. Having an entire 7 weeks solely for that sort of made people taking it really easy. Honestly, I wanted to focus on my research especially after the time when I knew I was not able to go to the States for Ling's graduation.

Then, came the late notice for Royals. It sounds crazy to suddenly go all the way to Sabah for a debate competition but I went for it. A lot of people didn't understand why I did it. they kept asking me questions like, "Do you really like debate that much?" and "How about your SSM (research)?" Although we didn't make it far for Royals, I was proud of my juniors for their effort. By the way, I was the most senior person among the English debaters and was told to take care of my adik-adik sekalian. I realised time had passed so much that I am now a senior to these little kids. To be a senior wasn't easy as I have my self-management issues. I doubted whether I could manage things myself because my parents were not around at the same time when I was going to Sabah. I thought about expenses, groceries and laundry. It is not like I didn't do these things but it somehow felt different. I managed to spend time with my dear juniors and of course, knew them better. We went out to explore places in Sabah. Oops.. I don't think other seniors would have allowed them to skip those rounds but hey, we were in Sabah. We couldn't visit many places since time was very limited. We managed to go to the Philippines Market and karaoke at a mall nearby.

A day after I came back from Royals, my parents came back from the States. A few hours later, I left for Tioman. My mum was sad to see her daughter leaving again when she just got back. This time I went with the senior debaters. I was the only one still studying in UKM while most of them are working already. This was the time when I felt like I was actually in a vacation because we didn't really rush for things except for the ferry on the last day. We played a lot of mind games and of course, our traditional game, Murderer! It was my first time snorkelling. I still don't think swimming is my kind of thing but I promise that I will give it a try.

I did regret leaving the research to my group mates but I would not have changed my decision. Probably this was the time for me to just run away from the troubles in reality. When I got back, I have been really busy with research that I almost forgot one of my closest friends' birthday. I am starting to think that I will be a workaholic when I start working. When that happens, I will be the terrible person who is so oblivious towards people around me. No… :/

I am trying not to be that person. I hope not. I still believe that every single day should be appreciated especially those times spent with loved ones. I wouldn't trade that for anything. :)

Wo Hau Taiwan

Still can't believe I went to Taiwan with these people. After staying in Taiwan for almost 2 weeks, I think it's a nice place but deep down I know I can't survive here. I miss Malaysia when I was there.

I had quite a hard time remembering names in Mandarin and communicating with the locals. Thankfully for the friends who translated very well for me to make sure that I understood what was written and spoken.

We lit up a lantern at Shifen! Got that right! But, I can't remember which day was it already.

I remember spending 4 days in Taipei before we head to Damsui, Beitou, Sun Moon Lake, Nantou, Chiayi, Taichung, Hualien and New Taipei, all in that order. I had to refer to our self-made itinerary to recall these places. Lol.

In Taipei alone, there were so many places. We spent our last day back in Taipei because the airport is there. Believe it or not, I remembered the places better after surveying the magnets Ling wanted. I bought u magnets based on the more popular places I remember. :P

The weather is ever-changing. We were freezing cold when we arrived at Taipei and when we went all the way up to Alishan. It was hot like in Malaysia when we were at Sun Moon Lake. And it finally rained when we were at New Taipei. It was raining when we lit up the lantern. (Shifen is part of New Taipei)

The food was fine. We tasted bad ones and some really good ones. Couldn't really help much in other aspects so I was the one who researched on food in the night markets we planned to go. Not a foodie but yea it was helpful sometimes. I think the milk tea is nice. Other than that, the best foods for me are those I bought from their 7-elevens especially those lunch boxes. They even have pei tan porridge and shu shi in their 7-elevens! The fruit jelly sold in 7-eleven is nice too. They also have herbal eggs boiling in pots in their 7-elevens. I wished those were in Malaysia. I like the ha gau in Hualien too. The siew loong pau there had a thicker skin and I could hardly taste the soup.

Apart from that, I was really taken away by their punctuality and the organised public transport. Although, I had a communication breakdown with the workers there when my Easy Card (it's like Touch N' Go in Malaysia) failed me at one of the MRT stations, I think it's so convenient for their people to travel. They hardly have traffic jams or at least I didn't see any. It's difficult for people like me who can't read. Lol.

It was worth visiting other places I guess. Travelling does open up my mind in certain things. I realised the importance of embracing my mother tongue. I am still learning but at a slow pace. Not many people understand why a Chinese can't speak and read Chinese. When I was there, they spoke to me in Mandarin but sadly, I could only engage in simple conversations. There was this one occasion where an uncle spoke Hokkien to me. I could reply but when he started telling me stories, I couldn't understand anymore. They have this unspoken rule about keeping the left side a fast lane in escalators. They will scold you for blocking their way if you stood there or walk real slow there. Almost everyone there has an Easy Card which saves a lot of time. They will tell you not to drink or eat in the MRT and when I say they, it maybe just a random auntie or a random kid telling you this. I don't know if it happens in other places too but I do see many locals taking out their pet dogs for walks and some are really groomed well.

Are their things cheap? Some of the foods are because they come in small portions. Some clothes are really cheap too but like in Times Square, you can't try them. I think it varies in different places too. You will have to do the bargaining like in Malaysia to get a cheaper price.

Apart from that, if you're planning to go there, don't be surprised to see many Malaysians there. Singaporeans, Japanese and Koreans like to visit Taiwan too. I had Taiwanese thinking that I was from Hong Kong because Adeline was translating the menu to me in Cantonese. I met a Singaporean girl who thought I was a Singaporean too. My Manglish accent sounded like her Singlish I guess. We, Malaysians are so difficult for others to guess where we are from. Lol.

The Talentless Girl

It is said that everyone is special in their own ways and we all have that one thing we are good that. You're either the guy who can run really fast or the girl who plays a musical instrument. But the thing is  not everyone is someone who can sing beautifully or someone who can solve a rubic cube in a minute. What if we are just plain and ordinary? Or what if we can do a lot of things but just not so good at it? It takes interest, hard work and training to do these things I guess.

This is one tough question for me 'cause really, I'm just not good at one thing. But Ling and I are pretty good at games like boggle and crash bandicoot, a playstation racing game. Talented much? I guess Ling could use her art skills and drawings. Her handwriting is also neat and nice, better than mine. And hula-hooping! This girl used to hula hoop forever before I get my chance to hold that hula hoop for as long as 10 seconds. 

I don't have much talent to brag about. I can play chess and badminton but it's not like I am good at it or anything. Futsal was just a one moment thing in KMK. Congkak was okay but because I take a long time to count and yes, I count, it's frustrating to play against me. I can play card games like Cho Tai Tee and Ngau but that's it. Batu Seremban, wow such memories! Those days after exams in primary and secondary school. Not forgetting that I played in KMK and also once in UKM. Surprisingly, I was playing with the psychiatric patients and their family members. In UKM, I started debating but I wasn't like super good or the best kind of speaker. And that's about it I guess. 

Still the untalented person. I know a couple of things but there's no one thing that I am really good at. People in my school days would have thought of me as the brainiac or the smart one so it's completely understood that my talent was being in that position. I think life has more things to offer than just these. 

Maybe and just maybe I haven't found mine yet. 

For your information, I have been trying out swimming lately and hopefully cycling but it's gonna take time. I don't know whether I have said this before in any blog posts but I am gonna say it again. You know people say that you can't forget a skill like cycling. When you've learned it, you will know it for the rest of your life. That is untrue or it's just me losing coordination and balance after a long period of time. I used to cycle independently without those baby wheels but I fell when I tried cycling in KMK. :/

How it all started

To think of it now, I started this blog years ago, almost 4 years if I am not wrong. I started it off so that I can write my own opinions on anything around me but mostly, updates on my life..but as you can see, it is not working as how I envisioned it to be..and now, it got me thinking what it is supposed to be then?

I used to see this blog as a platform for my sister and I to voice out our opinions and talk about things around us since we were very VERY shy people. We weren't the most extrovert people you know. Honestly, we might even be considered boring and naive people when it comes to a lot of things such as the best books to read, fun things to do around friends, talking to people who we know but aren't that close with...and the list goes on. Because of that, we choose to be quiet..very quiet to the point where other parents think that we are the "goody" kids..haha. Yes, we were those kids who wanted to play with the other kids so badly but both of us were too afraid that we choose to sit on the couch quietly together. Unlike other kids who chose to run around the house and break the rules, we followed the rules and dare not break any of them.

As we grew older, we took notice of things like making friendly talks to people, entertaining other people by responding to them and starting conversations with people around us. We weren't good at all these and mostly, the both of us would even take turns since we are always around each other. The world seemed to be bigger than we knew it and we realized that we had to break out from our comfort zone (being together all the time).

Around the time when this blog started, my sister and I had the chance to break apart from one another. I wasn't used to it at all when we went separate ways. I guess we both realized that it is nice to have someone around all the time even though it might be boring because everything we talked about is more or less the same thing..haha. However, it is different now, we have our own stories to tell and we often looked back to those times. We don't even talked to one another all the time anymore. So, this blog turned to be our secret hide out..haha...shhh..

This blog started off with me being the active one and it slowly turns to be ours and now, my sister is the active one. By active, I mean the blog posts that are posted...;p It is funny to think of things you initially started and how it has turned out to be now.

The Runway to Final Year

That's Chris, my junior buddy and I in our very own college dinner. Fashionista Night was the theme for the dinner. Fashionista Night was last Saturday and it was after my 4th year finals which made it part of the relieving moments after the hard core studying for exams period. It was my very first time attending a college dinner since I always had other things to do during those dinners. Glad that I could make it for this one. :)

Anyway, I just got my results today at around 6pm. By far, this was the latest time ever the results were announced. Anxiety, palpitations, panic attacks, butterflies in the stomach, loss of appetite. Those were the things my batch mates and I had before receiving the results. I guess I felt the same but I was always trying to be positive about everything. I also was being very objective about myself because I knew what I did back there. Lol. I didn't think I have done a great job but it was definitely my best. Thankfully, I made it! :)

But deep down, I knew I was in deep shit. Everyone was like yay final year! I took a second and thought oh shit! Being a final year is like one more year to becoming a real doctor. I don't think I am any way close to becoming one. This is it? Here comes the most critical time of a medical student. Yay?

Apart from that,  I have friends who were still unfortunate to make it to final year yet and I am sure they would be able to. Been there done that, I know how much it hurts. It somehow felt like you're the worst ever student and sometimes you start questioning yourself whether you're gonna continue doing this. I did lose faith, lost hope and isolated myself but the most important thing was to be yourself. I had to fix myself. Such a mess.

I will be leaving for a Ni-Hao-Ma land soon. Should have practiced more mandarin when I could. Hello Taiwan! :D

There I go again

It has been a long time since I wrote a blog post. Thanks to my sister, this blog is constantly updated. I have been busy for a while. This semester is going to be busy like the previous semesters..-.-
Oh well, classes here are time-consuming and plus, I am not so bright myself..lol. I am scared of what is going to come, you know graduating, getting a job, working..and as for me, I have another an important decision to make. I have been told that I will have to face it one day for so many times. It is tough for me because I have form my own opinion on a lot of things. I hope we will come to an agreement of some sort.

Maybe I should stop procrastinating now. Alright, bye for now.:)

Here's a video on what I have been doing last semester:

Retreat. Lost. Withdrawal.

If you asked me whether writing this post is a retreat from what I am actually supposed to do now, then the answer is yes! My finals are around the corner and yes, it's always at the time when everyone else had their exams done with. So, a week of supposed CNY holidays and then 2 weeks to go. I am really praying hard to pass this one.

Met up with my long time no see KMK sisters. Yay finally! So much for lost times and got some updates from them about their lives. Not much of updates from me compared to the rest of them. Well, I have given some thought to this and I guess maybe because it was hard for me to fall for someone. Yea, pretty much like that. Don't get me wrong. I know I am attracted to guys but hey it doesn't come often.

Some found love but some lost it. That's life isn't it? Some things are meant to be told because it brings so much joy and happiness. But some are just kept in the safe place in your heart so that it doesn't remind you about the bad things that happened. And all you want are the good memories from those times. Maybe I should call it the lost times.

The lost times are the past and to think about it again and again won't change anything. It will just hold your heart from moving and worse, paralysed with time. So heartless. Sometimes it all comes back in flashes like how Taylor said it. Those of which I would refer as withdrawal symptoms. Makes you wanna come back for more because it feels so good.

Those lost times and withdrawal symptoms are said to fade with time. I have seen people who have successfully gone through it so many times. Truthfully, I don't know how they do it. This is a piece of note to those who are going through this emotional period of time because I know some of you are going through this too. It helps a lot to talk to someone with a similar experience. Trust me it does.

But until then, staying single gives you the advantage of searching yourself. Parts of you, you never knew. Most importantly, be yourself and love the people around you who needs your love. :)

Just another interesting fact, did you know that family who often sit in a roundtable having meal together have closer bonds? Kinda true looking at my own. It's kinda rare to even have the whole family to start with. Just a Chinese New Year thought.

Patience tested

I was doing the usual thing in the clinic today. Talking to patients and trying to get a history out of it. Then presenting it to the doctors. Sometimes becoming a translator. Yup, everyone assumes a chinese to know chinese. So yea,  I was there to translate sometimes but people who have known me would have figured that there is a limit to my chinese language. I can try cantonese, hokkien and mandarin but I am gonna admit that it is a struggle to speak my own mother tongue. So, I do get help from my friends who can do better than me.

There was this elderly lady who came for follow-up alone. I pitied her really. I appeared to be the only one who could communicate with her so yea I was there translating actually. She took quite some time in the clinic just because nobody knew what was happening. Didn't know what her financial status was or whether she has gotten the treatment. Her kids were all working and busy I guess. She gave us a notebook and her phone. To my dismay, it was all in chinese characters. Got a friend to help search the numbers and finally called her son-in-law. The peak of my patience was when I spoke to him and the only question he was interested to ask was, "Do I have to pay?" Obviously isn't it? And worst of all, he kept saying that they are not staying with her and she is not my mother. I was like.. what on earth did the old lady do to you? Isn't she your family? No words came out to express those thoughts in my head though.

I told him off but was also trying not to be offensive. This is a situation that I can't avoid being offensive but I am really trying here to make things sound reasonable. Explaining that this poor mother-in-law of yours needs medication and she doesn't know who's paying for it but she has gotten her welfare approval for her medication. Could you all kindly come accompany her here next time? After all she's old and illiterate, and most important of all, she's suffering from pain because no medication was given to her.

I was furious really. At the same time, I was amazed with my cantonese. Struggling to search up words in my limited vocabulary of chinese but I managed to speak somehow. Thank God. I hope I helped her for today at least.

Lesson was to accompany your parents to the clinic. What harm would it make to take a day off to accompany your parents? From then on, I made a deal with myself to accompany my mother and father to see the doctor or at least have my siblings there with them.

Hopes in 2014

Being 23 this year and knowing that I will be 30 soon before I even know, this is not cool. Lol. I am still here studying. 2013 was a year of finding what I really want in life and falling in love with what I am currently doing.

The list of things for 2014:

1. Pass my exams.
2. Travel to places.

3. A new house for my family. :)

4. Just to add some fun to it. Do YOLO stuffs like going for bungee jumping or trying some new things.
5. Be more girly. My mum's wish all along.
6. Spending more time with my family.
7. Forgive the past and live for the future.
8. Stay healthy and be safe.
9. Less Facebook-ing unless necessary.
10. Saving money.

And our birthday was yesterday. Not feeling very excited about birthdays but it was nice to spend it with friends. And they pulled it out very nice for me. Thank you! :)

Everything was nice but I thought it was a little exaggerated. If this were to happen when I was in my teen years, I would have been the happiest person. I don't know maybe if it's me getting old. I now prefer the sweet and quiet moments. It doesn't have to be in an expensive place or with a big moment of flowers.

My treasures for 2014. :)

Not 21 anymore.

Here comes the day of the year whereby my sister and I celebrate our birthdays once again. Honestly, sometimes I think that I am 21 even though I am two years older now! Knowing that people still mistaken me for a 15 year old here makes me wonder if I should be sad or happy..lol. This really took place and it just happened 3 weeks ago.

I am happy and grateful for everything that I have today. Last year ended quite sad for my family with my grandpa's death 3 days before Christmas. So this new year begins with a lot of self reflection and concerns of what's going in the family for me. And since my brithday is very close to the new year, I wasn't looking forward as to celebrating it but more towards connecting back to those who are close to me especially my family.

I had also came to my senses to accept that I am older now and partially it wasn't because of my age. It partially due to the fact that I don't have any grandparents now and that made me realized that time will continue to tick and I have to catch up with it.