Something that I will like to wrap up before I regret

Ok, it may seem a little weird when you are reading this post of mine because I have not completely done it yet but I will do it very soon. It is ok for you to not read this because it is not important anyway. I just want to post it so that I will remember that I have started doing it. Seriously, I have came up with this thingy..some sort of a writing everything that I really felt for and experienced with the people who had made a difference in my life and those who I really want to remember. Thanks to my sister's friend and a book, I have the will to do this thingy. I had indeed spent 2 hours yesterday writing this thingy as a rememberance for these people. I do not know how much will it worth but at least, I will be glad that I have wrote it and now, all I have to do is wait for the right time to give it to them. =D

A waste of time and space

Today, I went to the Immigration Centre of Malaysia to renew my passport. I admit that I didn't like the place at all because it doesn't look official. I mean everything was pretty confusing and the place was filled with people. When my dad and I first reached there, my dad dropped me off at the entrance while he went to park his car. He told me to get the ticket number. So, my objective was to get the ticket and line up. Being very lost myself, I told myself that all I need to do is to look at the sign boards and follow the intructions on them. Finally, I saw a board written 'tempat pangambilan tiket'. So, I went to the counter hoping to collect the ticket and was very shocked to see the number of people lining up. In order to get myself in the line, I went from the counter to the first place in which I got lost..haha. I felt a little dumb walking back to where I have started. Waiting for an hour just to get a ticket and waiting for another 2 hours to verify the documents were just a waste of time. I mean I saw that there were many counters( maybe about 40) there but only about 10 were operating. I was wondering what is the use of having so many counters when only about 10 will be operating at once. I felt like it was a waste for not utilizing the other counters. If all the counters were used, I am sure that things will be done very fast and people do not need to waste their time waiting for so long. Well, this similar situation happens in fast food restaurants especially in the morning. Only one counter will be open and everyone can only wait and waste their time again just to place their orders in that particular counter even though the waiters can actually open another counter to get the orders from the other customers. Plus, it is not like they don't have enough workers...haha..I am not blind..Seeing them chatting among themselves and laughing around just made me felt even more angry. Then, I realized that it happens in most places. Be it the immmigration centre, any fast food restaurants or any regular shops. Guess it is just the people after all isn't it? hahaha..XD

Can I choose?

For now, I managed to get 3 offers from the US universities (University of Michigan, University of California, Davis and University of California, Irvine) and 2 offers from the Australian universities (University of New South Wales and University of Queensland). I am still waiting for 3 more universities in Australia and one in Canada. The problem is that I want to continue my undergraduate studies in US and not in Australia or Canada but I did not manage to get any US universities in Sime Darby's list. My dad and some of my relatives prefer Australian universities than the US universities. In fact, they have told me this before when I first got this scholarship. At first, I just hope to get into any universities in Sime Darby's list disregarding of the country as long as I can further my education in the overseas but now, I have somehow felt like the US universities will suit me better and I will be happier there. I know I should be grateful being able to go the overseas but I think I have the choice to choose where I want to go. I have my rights too. Although the US universities that I got accepted into are not in the list, I still want to appeal for them. This is because deep down within myself, I know what I really want. I don't know if my choice or preference will be the right one but I am sure that at least, I will satisfy myself. Worse still if Sime Darby does not allow me to go the US, I will just settle for the Australia universities. I have the exact same feeling that I got this scholarship. The feeling that I hate and will bug me for quite sometime. I don't know because it is hard for me to tell what I really want. I am easily influenced by other people's opinions even though I hope I won't. I want to make a choice for myself and not others for this time if possible.

So Long KMK!

I've finally finished my matriculation programme! Yay! But when the day finally comes.. it's not like I was so elated that I thought I would be. During the last few days in KMK, i felt awkward. I am not for sure what was the cause of it but I guessed it's simply because I just realised that going back didn't really matter so much like it used to be anymore.

I don't know why I've actually felt that way. I was always looking forward to return home every holidays and semester breaks. This time, it's odd. From then, I was for sure that KMK has became a part of me. I have to admit though.. Even though I hated the fact I got stucked here initially. For everyday, every passing minute and every passing seconds I spent in this place, my feelings for this place grew. As time passes, I slowly become fond of this place.

I still remember how sad I was when my parents walked out of my room and left me alone in KMK. I cried a few times during my first week in KMK. Nothing felt right at that point of time because it's so not like at home. Honestly, it was on the first day itself, I felt the heat in KMK. Competition is on, man! Wow, I know I am no match for these people because I know I am no super genius.

At first, I thought my life would be only about 'study-study-study' as I found myself like an average here. I really salute the top scorers, head prefects, athletes and whoever who was out of the ordinary here. Honestly, I found it tough to cope with the studies here. It's no longer like what I've been trough in secondary school. I wondered if I could pull it through this like last time. The answer slowly unfolds as time flies. I hope my efforts will pay off.

Despite feeling down and stressful here, I found the brighter side of KMK. Besides studying, there's actually a lot more to do in KMK. It was in this one year period of time, I made friends who I will definitely miss having them around after this. I became the elder sister among my the '10 sisters of KMK'. I had a chance to buck up on my mandarin as I was mixing with a lot of chinese-speaking friends. I saw a different side of life after meeting so many people from all walks of life. My mind and knowledge became broader as I learned to accept the differences.

Being in KMK was a great experience indeed. I bet I'm no longer the same old me. Well at least, maybe I'm still but not entirely. I like the times when I did crazy stuffs here. What on the world would actually make me play volleyball?! Yup! I didn't knew how I actually got myself to play volleyball. My team members and I were all amateurs. FYI: We only learned how to play volleyball for 3 days only! Of course I didn't expected much but I really wanted to give it my best shot! And guess what?! We actually won a game and..that was it. We even scored a zero for one of the games. Yikes!

The CNY celebration here was a blast. A lot of people turned up. The performances were great. I was glad that I could be part of the fan and ribbon dance. It was a tough time practising the dance for me. I saw the difference between the dance practice in my school and in KMK. Honestly, I had more fun doing the dance in my old school because we just wanted to have fun dancing. But here, I was pressurized because it gotta be perfect and nice on the real day. The fun moments I had was countable during the dance actually. Nevertheless, I wanna thank the people who taught me the dance :).. even though i did create a little commotion. I still think that we should all have fun rather than putting up sour faces when practising.

It was the first time I got the chance to feel what's like wearing a lab coat here! I was so excited but I feel no excitement at all doing lab reports except for some experiments which were really eye opening and unique, I shall say.. Being the clumsy girl as I am, I have broken a few apparatus. hehehe.. I will surely miss my lab partners for helping me making the experiments successful. The facilities of the lab here are far more advanced as to compared to my old school. That's really something I like about the labs here.

On the other hand, I met a lot of amazing people and some hard-to-forget individuals. I felt the warmth of having friends or should I say family whenever I thought of the 'mummy and the 10 sisters'. It really brought us together and most importantly we did a lot of stuffs together-celebrating birthdays, going outings, gossiping in a room, shared secrets, watching movies, eating together and the list goes on and on. Love them so much! To those who were willing to listen
to me and accompany me in times in need, thanks! And also to those who were caring towards me, thanks too! All of you are so sweet! If we ever meet again, I will definitely be so happy! To my dear lecturers, thanks for your guidance and the knowledge!

During the study week, I knew I was supposed to spend most of my time studying but yet I did take some break to hang out with my friends. I knew the times we had left to spend in KMK will soon come down to zero. So, without wanting to regret even for a little bit, I've made a promise to myself that I will do the things I 've always wanted to do. I did though but I didn't managed to accomplish some of the missions..sigh.. I just didn't have the guts to do it. Don't ask me what is it because it is something really stupid and silly and wanna keep this just to myself.

Anyway, staying in KMK really gave me a lot of memories. If I were to write down all of it.. It will be a never ending piece of work! On the last day in KMK, I was probably one of the earliest to leave. That was unexpected for me because I've really got no idea how my parents could possibly be so punctual! Sad and shocked.. The only adjectives I would used to describe the state of my mind at the time I heard that they were here in KMK already. With a lot of things to do in this very limited time. I made sure I met everyone who I wished to meet but I didn't manage to meet one important person. I went to search for her in her room but she was no where to be found. I knew she had her own stuffs to do to so I didn't wanna interrupt by calling her.

I only felt my tears when I started to walk away from my friends and when I got messages from some of my friends in the car. I really wanted to apologise for not being to stay a little longer. While in the journey back home, I couldn't help myself from thinking back those sweet memories I had in KMK. The I started to stare blankly outside. It was one moment when I felt like I wasn't thinking at all. The days were over. The only things left are memories. There's no turning back.

It will be memorable but I 'm afraid that I will start to forget the things there especially the people. Now that I wrote this, I don't think I will be able to forget. :D

Stuck in Between

I understand what she tells and she does make a point out of it. Another she tells me her story and she makes sense as well. So, who am I to blame? haha..I think its all due to miscommunication and the lack of understanding between them that had somehow caused the awkwardness. I don't like to know what is going around especially when I know what the both of them think and how they will reason out themselves. All I do is agree with both sides because they are both right. I think of it that way as well but it is just that I react differently from what they both would react with one another's actions. It is that simple to avoid any awkwardness in between the silence. If one knocks the door and another opens it and both greets each other properly, then ta-da, you have got it! No worries. No assumptions. No over reactions. And what both will attain is satisfaction and a full stop to the awkward feeling. Oh ya, there is one more thing that I will do and that is I will try to stop having the previous thoughts that I have about them and think about it rightfully. A word of sorry worths a lot and this word is not even close to the price of a relationship. It not only heals the relationship but it betters it. A word of please worths a lot too and like sorry, it is not expensive and in fact, it does not cost at all. If we could just compromise, I am sure that we will see a difference. Trust me on this. =D

*It is just a piece of advice from me and sometimes, I failed to do it..haha. Still, I think this advice is worth to be shared*

A pleasing ordinary day

I think I better get hold of myself and start posting something better than my previous post. For those who have read it, I am so sorry but I just have to let it out and unfortunately, I chose my blog..haha..XD

Ok, I better start my new post..=D

Yesterday was a really moody day for me. I spent most of my time watching the TV - TVB dramas and a movie, Year One. It was an OK movie..all about the existence of God, the chosen one and human nature. I think it is funny and stupid..haha.



After that, I wanted to go shopping but my mother was busy with her work. I wanted to call my sister but then, I remembered that she had to study for her finals. I wanted to study but I was thinking that I should just give myself some break after my tests eventhough I had one more test to go. I wanted to call my friends out but I think they would not agree to last minute plans. So, I am all alone at home. Kinda boring, I must say.


A picture of a bored me..=P

After dinner, I suggested to my mum to go shopping. She agreed but my brother said that it would be better to watch a movie instead. He went online to book the tickets in Cathay Pacific, Cineplex and reminded me to write down the booking number. So, I save it as a note in my phone. When, we reached the car park, my mum told me to take a picture of where we have parked the car. I reluctantly took a picture of it.



When we finally arrived to the counter to pick up our tickets, we were told that the booking was for the next day! Ok...things didn't go as it was planned. I eventually said 'Why don't we go shopping since we are here already?'. So, shopping it is! I felt like God has read my mind or something as I got what I really wanted - shopping..hahaha.

Eventually, we walked to the Curve. My brother went to have a look at his things and my mum and I went to shop for clothes. When we were shopping and looking at clothes, my sister called. I felt so sorry for letting her down by telling her that I am busy with shopping..Sorry, sis! I was like 'Why didn't you called earlier?' in my mind but yea, she needs to study. Getting back to shopping, I didn't really want anything in particular and never have thought of getting anything expensive or so but I eventually got myself a jacket from Esprit and a t-shirt from Kitschen. I felt a little guilty though. My brother did not manage to get himself anything as usual and my mum got herself a leather handbag and t-shirt as well.



After shopping, we went to Mac Donalds for supper and when we got back home, I called my sister and told her that I was sorry and we talked for almost an hour or so. I definitely felt not-so-lonely after the chat.
Overall, it was not a very boring day afterall since I got to spend time watching TV, shop and chat with my sis. I feel a whole lot better after all these especially the part in which I got to treat myself with some new stuffs..Thank you, mum! haha..XD

Change for heaven's sake

You know that you have agreed to this and yet, you still yap. What is it with you that you can't even compromised? Seriously, I have kept my mouth shut all the while..ok maybe, I have snapped a few times but yea, it was because of your stubbornness and unawareness of what you were saying all this while. Do you know that what you have said meant something to the people around you? Do you know that we have feelings too? Are you dumb or just ignorant? I know that you are obviously not oblivious! I used to respect you when I was younger. You used to be my role model, my leader and lots more. Back then when we were younger, we were naive and innocent. So, there was nothing that you or me could have done to hurt one another but now, you are supposed to be wiser, more mature and experienced and yet, you act the other wise. You tell the people around you that you are always RIGHT and we are always at fault?! Please wake up.. Do you know that you sound like a kid when you said that? I don't want to think that but you made me to. I have tried to change your thoughts somehow but I have failed again and again. Everytime when I try, we will end up quarrelling and it goes on. When will you start to realize? When will you ever know that the people around you are not against you but we care for you? When will you stop being so self-centered and start to love others like how you love yourself? You said you are selfish because you know yourself better. Are you sure about that? Are even close to be certain about you knowing yourself best? I don't know but what I know is that life is tough and in fact, the people around you are facing a much harder life than you are. Do you even know that? Do you even try to envisage yourself in our shoes? Maybe you should live our lives for a day, then you will know how much we have been through.. I am not boasting about it but in fact, you are considered very lucky and I am sure of it. Please just be grateful is all that I hope for. I know it is pointless writing this post because I know you. Still, I believe that you have something called 'feelings', 'love' and 'responsibility' in you. I don't want to give up trying to improve you and I know I must not because it is for everyone's sake. I can only hope that you will realize one day..maybe there is only one person that could change you and I am pretty sure that you have not meet him or her yet..whoever you are, please come and save him as soon as possible..I can't stand it no more. Enough is enough.

When the world seems so small

As the title of this post has suggested, I think it is predictable that I was about to mention that I know that an old friend is friends with a friend of mine. In fact, it happened recently. I find it a little weird and I am curious about how they get to know one another but I know that life is like that. It goes on without us knowing it. Everything that was close to me seems so distant from me today. All I ever had was the memories of the good old days..hmmm..I wished I could relive them once again but again, time never waits for us. It just keeps on ticking forever without stopping. One of my friend stated in her facebook status that she wanted to stay young forever. I find it pretty naive for her to think so but her status kept me thinking. Yea, I want to stay like this forever too. I don't want to get old. There is just so much in life that I do not want to change. Then again, time flies and thus, life changes. We might have changed, experienced and improved but the old us will still be a part of us. It will be there and nobody can ever steal it from us. I believe that there is always the old me in myself, hidden and buried in between. I miss the past and that I will never deny. Now, I want things to be as it is now and once again in the future, I will be thinking of the same thing and wanting things that happen now to be relived in a time still to come. Whatever is it, I will appreciate the moments that I have now and I shall cherish it with me. =D

Nobody wants to start it

It is true that everyone is afraid of being the first for something. For me, it takes a lot of gut and courage for one to initiate something first. The fear that no one will back you up or at least, support you until the end. A friend of mine said that girls will never start a conversation first and I have to admit that it is true indeed unless she is somehow different, maybe more socialable and more open minded, I guess. It does not only happens between different genders but it also happens to same gender as well. I have experienced it myself. Maybe you have too. For example, the awkward silence, the absence of eye contact and the exchange of smiles without saying a word. It is like a mutual understanding in between the silence. hahaha..Sometimes, I think no one wants to begin it because they felt like their ego is threaten in a way. Anyhow, I think that it is not wrong to try and see what happens. We will just have to be more approachable to others and that we would not waste their effort for trying. I may say this but then again, I failed to apply it myself in some situation. Like I have said before, I am human too. So, I will want to better myself in all ways. Maybe next time, I should try to be the initiator more often instead. Hmm..this topic is subjective. I have my views and you may have yours. Mine is not always right but I would not say it is entirely wrong either. =P

Now, I know it

I really thought I did not like it
It was sweet but I just felt that it was nothing
Maybe I did not even try to appreciate it
Maybe it was just nothing from the start until now
Somehow, I felt that it actually meant something once
because now, I know that it did to me
Without knowing it, I actually like it
but I am not sure if I should anymore
I think it is worthless now
I am glad that I did not start it
because I do not think that I will stay with it for a long time
So, why waste my time?
I only realized it when it was gone and taken away
far beyond from my reach now
It will never look back and think of the past no more
It has grown and it is able to move now
So, it travelled and I knew it was going away
At that point, I felt nothing
because it was just like another norm
another 'it'
another nothing to me
I wished that it felt that it was something too
because I know it is not nothing anymore
It is something to me and I know it.
=D