Retreat. Lost. Withdrawal.

If you asked me whether writing this post is a retreat from what I am actually supposed to do now, then the answer is yes! My finals are around the corner and yes, it's always at the time when everyone else had their exams done with. So, a week of supposed CNY holidays and then 2 weeks to go. I am really praying hard to pass this one.

Met up with my long time no see KMK sisters. Yay finally! So much for lost times and got some updates from them about their lives. Not much of updates from me compared to the rest of them. Well, I have given some thought to this and I guess maybe because it was hard for me to fall for someone. Yea, pretty much like that. Don't get me wrong. I know I am attracted to guys but hey it doesn't come often.

Some found love but some lost it. That's life isn't it? Some things are meant to be told because it brings so much joy and happiness. But some are just kept in the safe place in your heart so that it doesn't remind you about the bad things that happened. And all you want are the good memories from those times. Maybe I should call it the lost times.

The lost times are the past and to think about it again and again won't change anything. It will just hold your heart from moving and worse, paralysed with time. So heartless. Sometimes it all comes back in flashes like how Taylor said it. Those of which I would refer as withdrawal symptoms. Makes you wanna come back for more because it feels so good.

Those lost times and withdrawal symptoms are said to fade with time. I have seen people who have successfully gone through it so many times. Truthfully, I don't know how they do it. This is a piece of note to those who are going through this emotional period of time because I know some of you are going through this too. It helps a lot to talk to someone with a similar experience. Trust me it does.

But until then, staying single gives you the advantage of searching yourself. Parts of you, you never knew. Most importantly, be yourself and love the people around you who needs your love. :)

Just another interesting fact, did you know that family who often sit in a roundtable having meal together have closer bonds? Kinda true looking at my own. It's kinda rare to even have the whole family to start with. Just a Chinese New Year thought.

Patience tested

I was doing the usual thing in the clinic today. Talking to patients and trying to get a history out of it. Then presenting it to the doctors. Sometimes becoming a translator. Yup, everyone assumes a chinese to know chinese. So yea,  I was there to translate sometimes but people who have known me would have figured that there is a limit to my chinese language. I can try cantonese, hokkien and mandarin but I am gonna admit that it is a struggle to speak my own mother tongue. So, I do get help from my friends who can do better than me.

There was this elderly lady who came for follow-up alone. I pitied her really. I appeared to be the only one who could communicate with her so yea I was there translating actually. She took quite some time in the clinic just because nobody knew what was happening. Didn't know what her financial status was or whether she has gotten the treatment. Her kids were all working and busy I guess. She gave us a notebook and her phone. To my dismay, it was all in chinese characters. Got a friend to help search the numbers and finally called her son-in-law. The peak of my patience was when I spoke to him and the only question he was interested to ask was, "Do I have to pay?" Obviously isn't it? And worst of all, he kept saying that they are not staying with her and she is not my mother. I was like.. what on earth did the old lady do to you? Isn't she your family? No words came out to express those thoughts in my head though.

I told him off but was also trying not to be offensive. This is a situation that I can't avoid being offensive but I am really trying here to make things sound reasonable. Explaining that this poor mother-in-law of yours needs medication and she doesn't know who's paying for it but she has gotten her welfare approval for her medication. Could you all kindly come accompany her here next time? After all she's old and illiterate, and most important of all, she's suffering from pain because no medication was given to her.

I was furious really. At the same time, I was amazed with my cantonese. Struggling to search up words in my limited vocabulary of chinese but I managed to speak somehow. Thank God. I hope I helped her for today at least.

Lesson was to accompany your parents to the clinic. What harm would it make to take a day off to accompany your parents? From then on, I made a deal with myself to accompany my mother and father to see the doctor or at least have my siblings there with them.

Hopes in 2014

Being 23 this year and knowing that I will be 30 soon before I even know, this is not cool. Lol. I am still here studying. 2013 was a year of finding what I really want in life and falling in love with what I am currently doing.

The list of things for 2014:

1. Pass my exams.
2. Travel to places.

3. A new house for my family. :)

4. Just to add some fun to it. Do YOLO stuffs like going for bungee jumping or trying some new things.
5. Be more girly. My mum's wish all along.
6. Spending more time with my family.
7. Forgive the past and live for the future.
8. Stay healthy and be safe.
9. Less Facebook-ing unless necessary.
10. Saving money.

And our birthday was yesterday. Not feeling very excited about birthdays but it was nice to spend it with friends. And they pulled it out very nice for me. Thank you! :)

Everything was nice but I thought it was a little exaggerated. If this were to happen when I was in my teen years, I would have been the happiest person. I don't know maybe if it's me getting old. I now prefer the sweet and quiet moments. It doesn't have to be in an expensive place or with a big moment of flowers.

My treasures for 2014. :)

Not 21 anymore.

Here comes the day of the year whereby my sister and I celebrate our birthdays once again. Honestly, sometimes I think that I am 21 even though I am two years older now! Knowing that people still mistaken me for a 15 year old here makes me wonder if I should be sad or happy..lol. This really took place and it just happened 3 weeks ago.

I am happy and grateful for everything that I have today. Last year ended quite sad for my family with my grandpa's death 3 days before Christmas. So this new year begins with a lot of self reflection and concerns of what's going in the family for me. And since my brithday is very close to the new year, I wasn't looking forward as to celebrating it but more towards connecting back to those who are close to me especially my family.

I had also came to my senses to accept that I am older now and partially it wasn't because of my age. It partially due to the fact that I don't have any grandparents now and that made me realized that time will continue to tick and I have to catch up with it.