The Runway to Final Year

That's Chris, my junior buddy and I in our very own college dinner. Fashionista Night was the theme for the dinner. Fashionista Night was last Saturday and it was after my 4th year finals which made it part of the relieving moments after the hard core studying for exams period. It was my very first time attending a college dinner since I always had other things to do during those dinners. Glad that I could make it for this one. :)

Anyway, I just got my results today at around 6pm. By far, this was the latest time ever the results were announced. Anxiety, palpitations, panic attacks, butterflies in the stomach, loss of appetite. Those were the things my batch mates and I had before receiving the results. I guess I felt the same but I was always trying to be positive about everything. I also was being very objective about myself because I knew what I did back there. Lol. I didn't think I have done a great job but it was definitely my best. Thankfully, I made it! :)

But deep down, I knew I was in deep shit. Everyone was like yay final year! I took a second and thought oh shit! Being a final year is like one more year to becoming a real doctor. I don't think I am any way close to becoming one. This is it? Here comes the most critical time of a medical student. Yay?

Apart from that,  I have friends who were still unfortunate to make it to final year yet and I am sure they would be able to. Been there done that, I know how much it hurts. It somehow felt like you're the worst ever student and sometimes you start questioning yourself whether you're gonna continue doing this. I did lose faith, lost hope and isolated myself but the most important thing was to be yourself. I had to fix myself. Such a mess.

I will be leaving for a Ni-Hao-Ma land soon. Should have practiced more mandarin when I could. Hello Taiwan! :D

Retreat. Lost. Withdrawal.

If you asked me whether writing this post is a retreat from what I am actually supposed to do now, then the answer is yes! My finals are around the corner and yes, it's always at the time when everyone else had their exams done with. So, a week of supposed CNY holidays and then 2 weeks to go. I am really praying hard to pass this one.

Met up with my long time no see KMK sisters. Yay finally! So much for lost times and got some updates from them about their lives. Not much of updates from me compared to the rest of them. Well, I have given some thought to this and I guess maybe because it was hard for me to fall for someone. Yea, pretty much like that. Don't get me wrong. I know I am attracted to guys but hey it doesn't come often.

Some found love but some lost it. That's life isn't it? Some things are meant to be told because it brings so much joy and happiness. But some are just kept in the safe place in your heart so that it doesn't remind you about the bad things that happened. And all you want are the good memories from those times. Maybe I should call it the lost times.

The lost times are the past and to think about it again and again won't change anything. It will just hold your heart from moving and worse, paralysed with time. So heartless. Sometimes it all comes back in flashes like how Taylor said it. Those of which I would refer as withdrawal symptoms. Makes you wanna come back for more because it feels so good.

Those lost times and withdrawal symptoms are said to fade with time. I have seen people who have successfully gone through it so many times. Truthfully, I don't know how they do it. This is a piece of note to those who are going through this emotional period of time because I know some of you are going through this too. It helps a lot to talk to someone with a similar experience. Trust me it does.

But until then, staying single gives you the advantage of searching yourself. Parts of you, you never knew. Most importantly, be yourself and love the people around you who needs your love. :)

Just another interesting fact, did you know that family who often sit in a roundtable having meal together have closer bonds? Kinda true looking at my own. It's kinda rare to even have the whole family to start with. Just a Chinese New Year thought.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Even though I am feeling the pinch of clinical years now, I still think it's nice to take a break once in awhile. Medical students have no life. Hmm.. yea kinda true actually. Lol. Oh well, things are much more different now. Everything you do in the hospital appears to be knowledge and will be tested. Case write up is a headache. All I do is sit and type and of course refer to books for references. Finally, got into my nerd self after so long. Ward round is like a nightmare for us. It is like being interrogated in front of the whole team consisting of the most knowledgeable people around, the professors to the least prominent people around, the medical students. Sometimes, we don't get interrogated so it's luck really.

Just did my long case assessment and it wasn't as pretty as I wished it would have been. Lol. Knowing who was going to assess me, I have already predicted the worst that could happen. I knew it was just the matter of how hard it will really hit me and how long can I hold back my tears. So yea, it hit me really hard and the worst just happened. I broke into tears. >.<

It was unintentional. Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe I am a crybaby. Maybe I was just weak. And whatever you wanna call it, that was only so much I can take. I know this is not the worst of the worst encounters I will ever face. I know I should have been stronger than this for the worst is yet to come. I just hope that I will be prepared.

After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stonger. :)

Time out

Ever felt like there's so many things to do in a short period of time? Yea, it's crazy I know. But oh well, we just need to do all of them so here comes time management. I'm not gonna talk about time management in this post though.

Ever thought why there's always an end to almost everything? End of the day, end of the world (people think it's 2012 but we'll just see), end of a relationship, end of the show, end of a life, etc. Nothing seems to last forever and probably that's why we learn how to appreciate things better so that we will enjoy every bit of it. Not all that bad after all is it?

Ever felt like you're not good enough? And why is it only you who is facing all the troubles in the world? I guess a lot of felt this way before but there's always another view to this. A lot I mean A LOT of us do at some point of time feel this way. This means you're not alone. :)

I'm No Superman

Out the door just in time
Head down the 405
Gotta meet the new boss by 8 a.m.
The phone rings in the car
The wife is workin' hard
She's running late tonight again

Well
I know what I've been told,
You got to work to feed the soul
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

You've got your love online
You think you're doing fine
But you're just plugged into the wall

And that deck of tarot cards
Won't get you very far
There ain't no hand to break your fall

Well
I know what I've been told
You gotta know just when to fold
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

That's right

You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all

I need you here with me
Cause love is all we need
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

Well I know what I've been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can't do this all on my own
No I can't do this all on my own
I know that I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

Someday we'll be together
I'm no Superman
Someday
Someday we'll be together
Someday
I'm no Superman

(I'm no superman, by Lazlo Bane) :)

Leaving soon again!

Yes, I am going back to Ann Arbor in a few hours time..less than 24 hours. I am not so excited to get back though. One reason is that I love to be at home and the other is that I have a lot to do when I am back. Plus, I am pretty lucky for not getting into hurricane irene while travelling. To be truthful, I am worried as I have a transit in JFK..but I think it should be fine now. To think of it, I think I am lucky enough to have avoided it because I could have been in one of those earlier flights.

Well, moving in is a hassle for me but that's ok because I only brought one big luggage and two hand carries..as for salvaging the things in my friend's apartment, I think I would be doomed without a car if there are a lot of things to save from..so here comes my contradicting thoughts..At one side of my mind, I was thinking like I don't have to waste money buying things again if they are not damaged but another part of me was hoping that not much things are saved because I will be having trouble moving those things around. In fact, I can actually take the bus but it would be several trips and the sad thing is that I can't drive even though I have the zip car card..how sad is that..now, regrets came flowing in myself for not improving my driving skills and getting a license in the States..:/

Ok, I am not going to drain myself with the bad vibes. So, lets hope for the best! I will get through these even if they are hard. Yay, positivity now! :D

I found it!

Ever since I came back home, I felt like everything and everyone else is smaller. Not only my dad was thinner but so is my sis and mum as well. I feel like the fat one at home. Thanks to the winter in Michigan and of course, due to my own laziness, I am officially the "fat-one"! I am going back to my original weight and lose that 5 kgs away! I have found one method of doing it and its hula-hooping! The video below is my inspiration and motivation! fyi, I do have some basics in hula-hooping..:P